Tolerate, To Depend: 10 Myths About Female Sexuality

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Tolerate, To Depend: 10 Myths About Female Sexuality
Tolerate, To Depend: 10 Myths About Female Sexuality

Video: Tolerate, To Depend: 10 Myths About Female Sexuality

Video: Women's Sexuality Isn't 'Complicated' | Sarah Barmak | TEDxToronto 2022, November

deliberate sex education policy in Russia there is neither at the state nor at the private level: menstruation, ovulation, masturbation and contraception with adolescents are often not spoken about either at school or at home. As a result, we gain random knowledge about sex and the body where we have to and suffer, faced with reality. Much of this collective unconscious turns out to be myths or prejudices - useless, if not harmful. But it is from them that the picture of the world is formed in which nothing good shines for a woman. Here are ten statements to stop repeating.


A woman's burden is to endure

It only sounds reasonable at first glance: menstruation is painful, the first sex is a terrible pain, all further sex - as luck would have it, giving birth in general is horror - about the sensations of a man at a temperature of 37.2, if you believe the jokes. As a result, we get used to the idea of ​​constant physical suffering and do not even ask ourselves whether it is necessary to wear bras that cause headaches for some, or excruciatingly uncomfortable shoes.

However, many things are in our hands, progress is also present, so we have every right and opportunity to ease our lot. There are effective pain relievers for menstruation, and hormonal contraception can reduce painful symptoms to a minimum. When it comes to sex, it should only be voluntary, painless and as enjoyable as possible. Childbirth, of course, has not been canceled, but freedom of choice extends to them, including the method of delivery. In addition, epidural anesthesia in Russia is now available almost everywhere, and this is already a lot. In general, pain is not at all the obligatory lot of women and not some kind of inevitable punishment for original sin. Enough tolerating this.

Loss of virginity - sacrifice

Even if we discard the powerful symbolic load of this event and the accompanying psychological pressure, there remains the fear of the same pain - a stereotype designed to intimidate and protect the virgin. In the public mind, which prefers millennial myths rather than anatomical atlas, virginity means the existence of a septum of flesh in the vagina - a kind of locked gate. How menses penetrate through them and tampons inside, no one thinks, but everyone is sure that the gates are opened exclusively with a battering ram, which blows them to pieces.

In fact, the hymen is more of a crown than a septum, it can be of different shapes and elasticities, and there are many women from whom even the ramming method will not squeeze a drop of blood. Moreover, the first penetrating sex can be completely painless and enjoyable if the girl is emotionally ready and physically sufficiently aroused and hydrated, and her partner is gentle and attentive. Sounds like a description of normal sex? Of course, because the first sex is just one of many in a lifetime, and not an initiating sacrifice.

Oral and anal are not sex

A woman's reluctance to have sex is often perceived as a reluctance to vaginal penetration, and everything else allegedly "does not count." Often in such cases, the partner invites the woman to resort to "other methods" to satisfy him - hand actions, oral or anal sex. But the refusal of sex speaks of a reluctance to sexual interaction in general, and all of these methods are quite enough. It's one thing if a woman doesn't want vaginal sex, but wants a different kind of intimacy - then such sex will happen by mutual consent. However, the requirement “let's do it then,” if it is clearly stated that you don’t want any sex, should not be allowed. Sex is not a way for a man to get an orgasm, but a mutually beneficial process for two.And if one of these two has no desire to rub with any part of the body, you will have to respect his or her opinion.

Women don't masturbate

They may or may not masturbate. Children show interest in their own and other people's genitals from the age of five, and they talk about the beginning of masturbation in different ways: from invoking pleasant sensations at the age of six to full-fledged masturbation at thirteen. But children are ashamed, calling masturbation a terrible filth, and touching their genitals - dirty and unworthy. For some, this turns them off from masturbation, for others it makes them hide and live in the confidence that they are weaklings, unable to cope with a perverse habit.

Now the situation is changing. Masturbation of boys and men is more of an excuse for jokes and turning points in the series, while female masturbation sometimes does not seem to exist, and sometimes it is directly disapproved. The reason is simple: refusal to perceive female sexuality independently, in isolation from male satisfaction and the production of children. From the point of view of patriarchal discourse, masturbation is such a translation of a useful product (a woman) into meaningless actions (an orgasm without a man). It's time to end this vision.


Women don't watch porn

More precisely, the implication is that the "good girls" do not. At the same time, according to the reports of the porn site Pornhub, the number of female users is only growing. Now they make up a quarter of the visitors. This is even though mainstream porn is not very respectful of women. Women are looking for lesbian sex, group sex, celebrity and squirt on Pornhub and are very interested in cunnilingus videos. The sexual behavior of women is often divided into "good" and "bad", with the good being declared, of course, controlled by men, and bad - seeking sexual satisfaction without regard to other people's demands. Most of pornography may be an imperfect way to expand your horizons, but there it is.

Can't stop halfway

In a world where it is customary to think about women's pleasure and comfort secondarily (or not think at all), there is one important rule: you cannot say “no” to an excited man in the process, because this will “break him off”. Meanwhile, any person of any gender can agree to have sex, and then change his mind: something knocked down or strained, his stomach ached, excitement does not come - the reason is not at all important, and you do not have to make excuses or feel guilty. It doesn't matter if you have had sex before and whether there is a reluctance to continue before the start of sex or even in the process - no one is obliged to endure what they do not like, and anything can be disliked. You can leave at least a full plate of food in the restaurant if you are not hungry. Well, yes, everything has already been served, but this is not a reason to choke on food if you are not hungry. Your no is the law.

The vagina is permanently stretched

Women are intimidated by a stretched vagina for two reasons. Firstly, in order to limit their sexual activity - paradoxically, many still believe that it would be nice for women to "restrain their agility." Allegedly, female purity can and should be clearly expressed in terms of muscle tone - the "tighter" the vagina, the less "sinned" the partner. But we have never heard the opinion that from frequent sex with numerous partners, the penis can "grind off". Secondly, the idea of ​​a "frayed" vagina connects narrowness with extreme adolescence, so that women are also intimidated by old age.

In fact, any woman's vagina is already narrow (everyone who has ever inserted a tampon knows this), but at the same time it is extremely elastic and, if necessary, is significantly lengthened and expanded, for example, due to sexual arousal. It is an evolutionary mechanism that reduces the likelihood of female genital trauma. But it turns out that in order to become an “ideal” woman with a narrow vagina, you just have to be a woman who is not aroused, to whom this particular man and sex with him is disgusting.Better to walk with a vagina that can let the baby through. Oh wait.


You can't have sex during your period

An echo of beliefs in the uncleanness of monthly discharge, when a woman turns into a walking evil. The Victorians even believed that meat would be spoiled if the menstruating cook touched it, and this is still the case in India. But really, the only problem with menstruating sex is personal hygiene and a couple of extra loads of the washing machine. Menstruation is a natural, periodic feminine state, and sex fits well into it. Pleasure reduces pain during menstruation, and orgasm makes unpleasant days somewhat more palatable. But if you don't feel like letting someone in at all (perhaps you really don't like it), cunnilingus or working with your hands outside won't hurt either.

In women, the menstrual cycle may be synchronized

A powerful excuse for the fact that sometimes women eat up on someone all together, although it would be more logical to assume that the person involved is behaving somehow wrong, and not at once that several people had an equally pronounced PMS. The idea of ​​women as identical organisms, striving to merge together and walk in formation, forced us to look for a variety of evidence. Martha McClintock, a psychologist from Harvard, honestly looked for cycle synchronization back in the twentieth century, but found nothing, and subsequent research confirmed that all women have independent cycles. Moreover, the menstrual cycle is also of different duration for different women: from 21 to 35 days. Therefore, sometimes the periods will coincide, but after a month the scheme will fall apart. So send everyone who tries to explain your behavior to someone else's periods to … sorry, to Harvard.

PMS turns women into furies

Premenstrual syndrome is very poorly understood, and it is wrong to say that all women, without exception, are susceptible to it. First, not everyone has PMS in the form of feeling unwell, low mood and outbursts of rage - many women have never experienced this, or have encountered it only at a certain age. At the same time, the myth about the inevitable PMS can lead to the fact that women can look for signs of the syndrome in themselves - and find, explaining to them problems of a completely different nature. For example, the need to let off steam, because (see point 1) "a woman's burden is to endure." Secondly, the approach “All women have PMS”, on the contrary, worsens the condition of those who really suffer from PMS and suffer greatly. After all, if such a condition occurs in all women, then what to study is just a sex characteristic. In fact, one must remember that not everyone has PMS and requires more careful study in order to help those who are difficult to tolerate it.

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