Orgasm Lessons: Who And How Teaches Women To Masturbate

A life 2023

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Orgasm Lessons: Who And How Teaches Women To Masturbate
Orgasm Lessons: Who And How Teaches Women To Masturbate

Video: Orgasm Lessons: Who And How Teaches Women To Masturbate

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Video: Sex Education and Masturbation with Betty Dodson | SLUTEVER 2023, January
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"What grade did you study in - in the sixth or in the seventh- when did the teacher tell you how to masturbate? She explained to you how the vagina and clitoris work and how different orgasms are? No, of course not. As a rule, any sex education lessons only deal with male pleasure. We girls have heard since childhood that boys masturbate, that they have erections and wet dreams. We were only told about STIs and pregnancy,”says the American journalist Nicole Lane, who specializes in women's health issues. She recalls: as a child, she only knew about her own genitals that in a couple of years blood would begin to flow from the vagina and it would be painful. No one explained to her that in addition to unpleasant sensations, the vulva can also bring pleasure. And certainly no one told her how to achieve this pleasure.

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Julia Dudkina

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Sex education and masturbation

Most people intuitively understand during childhood that they can masturbate - and that it is enjoyable. However, practice shows that if the child has no one to talk to about the feelings experienced and their nature, this risks turning into sexual fears. For her column on masturbation, Nicole Lane asked women she knew how and when they learned to masturbate. “The first few times I was able to reach orgasm on my own, I felt a terrible sense of guilt,” said a girl named Ali. As a child, she went to a Catholic school, where there were sex education lessons, but they did not discuss either masturbation or sex - only anatomy and hygiene issues. “It was only later that I received detailed information,” Ali recalls. "When Mom finally talked to me about it."

Male masturbation has long been a subject of general discussion: boys learn about everything from childhood, if not from their parents, then at least from their peers or from the works of pop culture. For women, however, the situation is more complicated: masturbation is not customary to discuss, so many are not ready to publicly disclose that they are doing it. “I was in ninth grade,” writes a Reddit user. - My parents refused to discuss anything related to sex with me. I thought only boys could masturbate. And then I saw the movie Spring Awakening, and then everything happened by itself. Soon after that, my friends and I played “Never have I,” and I confessed that I had such an experience. But no one besides me confessed. Now I understand that they lied."

In the same thread, another user tells her story: “I learned to give myself pleasure early, it was enough for me to rub myself against the chair in a certain way. I didn't know what exactly I was doing and why I was pleased, and I never understood why my parents swear at me. They told me it was so bad to do, but they never explained why. So I continued to do it in secret. It was only many years later that I found out that I was masturbating in this way, and I understood why Mom and Dad were yelling at me. I felt very stupid and awkward. For a long time after I realized what my body movements meant, I continued to masturbate in the same way until I found out about 'ordinary'.

Scientist insists: masturbation is as much a part of life as sleeping, brushing teeth

and washing. And so that the child understands that

he does, and did not feel anxiety, it is best to explain to him the essence of this process

In 2017, Indiana University conducted a study on sexual diversity in the United States. The researchers surveyed 2,000 men and women between the ages of 18 and 91. In the study, 64% of men said they had masturbated in the previous month. Among women, only 40.8% admitted this.At the same time, 21.8% of women said that they had never masturbated in their life. Among men, only 8.2% made the same statement. “Most women masturbate,” concludes study author Debbie Herbenick, Ph.D. “But many of them from childhood live with the conviction that masturbation is an occupation for“depraved”and“sexually intemperate”girls.”

Fred Caser, an American sexologist, writes that sex education lessons should include information about masturbation. “Masturbation is the earliest sexual behavior that becomes available to us. And it stays with us longer than everyone else, - he reasons. - There is no other such safe, accessible and harmless sexual activity. And at the same time, it is masturbation that has become a condemned phenomenon that many prefer not to talk about. " The scientist insists that masturbation is as much a part of life as sleeping, brushing your teeth and washing. And so that the child understands what he is doing and does not feel anxiety, it is best to explain to him the essence of this process and, if necessary, talk about the technical side of the issue. Of course, if you do not do this, he himself will sooner or later secretly invent his own way of masturbation. But why not make his life easier and explain that what is happening is normal?

Nevertheless, more often than not, conversations that masturbation should become part of sex education lessons for schoolchildren cause a negative reaction in society. In January 2019, Irish sexologist Kate Downson appeared on a popular morning show and expressed her opinion: at eleven years old, schoolchildren should be told how they can explore their own bodies. “Because we don’t do this, many girls grow up feeling disgusted with their own genitals,” she said. After that, the British press wrote that Downson "caused outrage" among the audience with his statements.

Masturbation lessons for adults

About a dozen women gathered in a large, darkened room in a New York apartment. They are all naked and lying on the floor. Next to each of them is a dildo, a vibrator and a bottle of almond oil. Another woman is walking around the room - she is in her eighties, she is also naked, in her hands is a giant old-fashioned vibrator. She says to the visitors, “Look at each other and get the bullshit you see in fashion magazines and porn out of your head. The biggest problem for women is how they perceive their own body. It all starts with the vulva. Each of us thinks that something is wrong with her vulva."

Betty Dodson is called the "godmother" of female orgasm. Today she is one of the most famous sex educators in the United States with an amazingly long practice. She began her career in the 1950s as an artist and author of erotic prints. But in the 60s, after her divorce from her husband, she began to actively advocate for positive sex and female sexual emancipation, as a result she wrote the famous book about masturbation "Sex for One" and began to conduct master classes for women.

Someone considers her lessons "group masturbation sessions", and someone claims that thanks to them he learned to experience a really strong orgasm. Betty Dodson's master classes appeared in the 70s and, albeit with long breaks, are still being held. “Participants in the seminars go naked,” reads the Dodson website. - But this is not to enhance sexuality. Betty developed workshops based on the practices of second wave feminists. These practices consisted of women getting together and sharing their experiences in the first person."

Someone considers her lessons to be "group masturbation sessions", and someone claims that thanks to them he learned to experience a really strong orgasm

An approximate lesson plan is this: first, the students walk around the room and talk to each other about their bodies, how they feel them and what an orgasm is for them. Then they do breathing exercises.Then each of the women in turn sits down in front of Dodson and discusses her vulva with her.

“I sat down and spread my legs,” said writer Jenny Block, who attended the master class. - Betty showed me my vulva in the mirror and began to admire her out loud. She told each of us about the features of our genitals. She told me that mine was like a donut because I have full, large labia. She told me that the “design” of my vulva is perfect. That I have a "postmodern pussy". After that I felt very happy, I felt that I was safe."

The second part of the master class takes place the next day and is completely devoted to masturbation. Carlin - Betty Dodson's assistant - demonstrates masturbation techniques, while Dodson herself explains how to start listening to your body and silence your inner critic. It all ends with the students trying to achieve orgasm themselves.

“Betty lit candles and turned on classic rock - after all, nothing is as exciting as Aerosmith,” wrote Rose Sornow, another journalist who attended Dodson's class. - Seven women settled down on their towels, took vibrators and dildos and got down to business, following the instructions that were given to us before. From time to time, I heard someone start breathing noisily not far from me, and then let out a scream. At such moments, Betty announced: 'Another one!'

Although masturbation has ceased to be a taboo topic in the male world, experts say that not only

women have fears and complexes associated with this activity

For those who find the idea of ​​masturbating in the same room with other women strange, Dodson suggests buying a subscription to video tutorials and learning from them alone. There, on the Dodson website, you can also sign up for a group face-to-face class in New York. True, it will cost about a thousand dollars - over the decades of practice, Dodson has become so famous that she can afford to set any prices.

However, if earlier Dodson was the only "teacher of masturbation", then today there are body-oriented sexologists. In Russia, this profession is not yet very popular, and if you enter the question "How to learn to masturbate" in Google, you will see mostly porn. In Western countries, such a request is more in demand, and many sexologists offer masturbation training as one of the services. “We live in a world that is both highly sexualized and sexually enslaved,” says Kim Nguyen, a body-oriented sexologist from Australia. "My goal is to create a safe space for clients to explore their bodies."

“For a good body-centered sexologist, it's important to be able to observe how people masturbate,” says her American counterpart Christian Pelmas. She not only works with clients, but also trains future body-oriented sexologists to conduct their own workshops. To learn how to help people, her students, like Betty Dodson's students, participate in group workshops. - If we cannot accept ourselves and our pleasure, then how can we work with other people? If we haven't explored our sexuality and are ashamed of it, how can we help our clients?"

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Classes for men

However, not all "masturbation teachers" work with women. Some of them target male clients. One of the main experts in the field of male masturbation coaching is Joseph Kramer, Ph.D. in sexology. In 1984, he founded his own school in California, where he taught students massage - regular and "erotic". In 1992, he opened a research center studying the "connection between the spiritual and the sexual." Kramer, like many of his colleagues, combines sexology with yoga and spiritual practices in his courses. It is believed that it is largely due to Kramer that the profession of body-oriented sexologist gained public recognition and popularity in the United States.California is still the only state where the profession exists legally, and the body-centered sexologist certification has real weight. However, this is not surprising: Kramer himself describes himself as an "erotic shaman", and the practices offered by the school are largely based on the esoteric ideas of the founder.

Although in the male world masturbation has ceased to be a taboo topic, experts say that not only women have fears and complexes associated with this occupation. “Our sexuality can bring us a lot of pleasure when it is combined with self-love,” says male coach Bruce Grether. - There is a stereotype that for women sex is inextricably linked with emotions, but for men it is not. But this is not at all true. " His colleague Kai Hemlich explains: “Boys learn from childhood that they need to cum in the toilet as quickly as possible before Mom and Dad see it. In two minutes, without a single sound. It's completely unnatural. " According to Hemlich, all this is inextricably linked to porn culture, where the only purpose of the sexual process is male orgasm and sex itself turns into a process of domination. As the coach explains, if you make the process more conscious, then it opens up more meaning and pleasure.

The Dark Story of Orgasmic Meditation

Once the American Nicole Deadone went to a party and met a guy there. He told her: “I want to introduce you to a sexual practice: let’s take off your pants, and I’ll stay in my clothes. It will take fifteen minutes. " She could refuse, but agreed out of curiosity. When Nicole undressed, the man sat down in front of her, shone a flashlight on her vulva and began to describe what he saw. Later he started fingering, at the end of which, according to Deadone, she "figured out how to live in this world at all." So, according to Dedlone, her acquaintance with "orgasmic meditation" began.

At first, the OneTaste orgasmic meditation school operated in San Francisco. Nobody came to classes. “It happened that during the day, only a postman and a policeman appeared at our door, wanting to find out who rented this room,” says Dedone. But in 2019, the New York Times wrote about OneTaste, and students threw in droves. Deadone became popular. She spoke at conferences and talked about how "women in the Western world work too much, eat too much, shop too much, but still go hungry." She argued that only the "slow orgasm" that she teaches in her school can satisfy this hunger.

The Orgasmic Meditation School has grown in popularity, with branches in the UK, USA and Canada. Dedone herself claimed that soon people will pronounce the word "orgasm" along with the words "yoga" and "massage" without lowering their voices. A ticket to a seminar on OM - orgasmic meditation - cost $ 150, an intensive course - $ 16,000. Perhaps Dedone could become the second "godmother of orgasm" on a par with Betty Dodson.

Clients were psychologically pressured

they were taught that they could not give up because it would lead to

to terrible agony. Many were forced to take out loans and go into debt

But in 2018, Bloomberg published a high-profile investigation into the OneTaste school. After talking with former employees and students, reporters found out that the organization of the company resembled a destructive sect with strict rules. For years, the school's founders forced employees to have sexual relations with each other and with clients "to increase sales." Clients were psychologically pressured, they were taught that they could not quit training, because this would lead to terrible torment. Many were forced to take out loans and go into debt - they gave all their money to the school. In 2015, the company was forced to pay a court settlement to a former employee who claimed to have been sexually harassed. Many also complained of psychological manipulation, harassment, intimidation and coercion into sex work.

After this investigation, some top managers of the company resigned, and the school began to close offices around the world. The owners of OneTaste argue that this is not related to the investigation - they just decided to focus on online learning. At the moment, the investigation is no longer carried out by journalists, but by the FBI, but the founders of OneTaste continue to claim that their school was created solely for humanitarian reasons.

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Online training

In general, the very idea of ​​a "masturbation teacher" seems to be both useful and controversial at the same time. On the one hand, many obviously lack the knowledge and skills for this occupation. On the other hand, even if a coach has a sexological or psychological education, he can easily turn out to be a fraudster who uses students for money or simply tries to legitimize his attempts of sexual violence. If the teacher practices the so-called erotic massage, then there are even more reasons for concern - anything can be summed up under such a vague definition.

For those who would like to learn how to independently achieve orgasm without attending public classes and without risking accidentally joining a sect, there are many sites dedicated to masturbation. Most of them are rather crudely made pornography, but there are also pretty projects created with an eye to the needs of women. For example, in May 2018, the American company Emojibator, which makes eggplant vibrators, launched a masturbation site. The resource was updated for a month - every day experts gave readers advice on how to relax and learn to enjoy the process. In addition to useful tips, the advertising site collected interesting facts about masturbation, reviews of sex toys and articles from company employees.

In 2014, the developer Tina Gong came up with an app for teaching women to masturbate Happy Playtime: the main character of the educational game was a cartoon vulva named Happy. “There are several sections in the application,” the developer explained. - There is an informational one, and there is a section with specific instructions. The goal of the user is to "achieve orgasm" using the touch screen and cartoon vulva. Everything is based on real physiology, so with the help of this game people will better understand how the female genitals work. " According to Gong, her main goal was to break down the stigma surrounding the female orgasm theme. She deliberately made the vulva cartoonish and funny - so that users would cease to perceive the genitals as something "unpleasant".

The app, however, never made it to the AppStore for which Gong intended it. The reason was formal: she wanted to release Happy Playtime with a 12+ label, but the company turned down the offer because for a twelve-year-old audience, the app felt "too descriptive." When Gong agreed to raise the age limit to 17, the company said Happy Playtime was "not suitable for an offer store." At the same time, the AppStore has many applications dedicated to sex: from a program that measures penis length to a messenger that allows you to exchange sexual fantasies. But it was the cartoon vulva that seemed inappropriate to the company representatives. However, in the desktop version, the HappyPlaytime program still exists. Anyone can read the instructions and try to bring Happy to orgasm in sixty seconds.

Photos: Siwakorn - stock.adobe.com

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