Coming Out Every Day: Homosexual Couples About Blogging And Homophobia

A life 2023

Table of contents:

Coming Out Every Day: Homosexual Couples About Blogging And Homophobia
Coming Out Every Day: Homosexual Couples About Blogging And Homophobia
Video: Coming Out Every Day: Homosexual Couples About Blogging And Homophobia
Video: Russia: State of homophobia - #Observers 2023, February

In the English-speaking Internet space gay couples' blogs are a common thing; famous actors, designers and musicians maintain their accounts in this format. In Runet, the situation is much more complicated: due to the high level of intolerance, many prefer not to disclose the details of their personal lives. We asked Russian-speaking homosexual couples about how they met, why they started blogs and how it changed their lives.


Yulia Dudkina

Our world

Katya and Zhanna

Two girls live in Kiev and are engaged in animal rescue. In their videos, they tell how they take cats for overexposure, treat them and find new owners for them - and at the same time answer questions from subscribers, debunk myths about lesbian couples and simply record videos about their lives.



Zhanna and I met on the Internet. At that time I lived in London, and she - in Kiev. Four months later, we first met, and then there were several years of long-distance relationship. I flew to Kiev once every two months, and the rest of the time we missed each other. Now we almost never part. We were officially married in Sweden two years ago. Of course, we have documented the whole process for our channel.

Actually, before we met, I never thought that I would record videos. I never knew how to behave in front of the camera, to talk. But Zhanna had her own beauty channel, and she was seriously engaged in it, and she is still doing it.

At some point, we decided that it was worth publicly telling people about our relationship. There are so many silly stereotypes about same-sex couples. For example, that lesbians should somehow look special. Jeanne does not correspond to the common image - she is feminine, neat, with long hair. Therefore, in the comments, people constantly write that she will leave me for a man, that in fact she is not a lesbian.



They also constantly write: "Have children." Even those who have nothing against LGBT people are outraged: how so, two girls do not want to have children. And we are childfree, we are much more interested in animals. We have five cats and we are engaged in zoological volunteering.

They also write: "Get out", "You are corrupting children." Send huge quotes from the Bible. I don’t understand what the point is. You might think that we read the Bible, immediately stop being lesbians and run away. Once they began to threaten that they would come to Kiev and hunt me down. I work in a renowned beauty salon and I am really easy to find. So it was unpleasant. But in the end, no action followed the threats. In general, we are accustomed to insults: when you decide to talk about yourself on the Internet, people inevitably begin to hang labels on you, come up with fables. They constantly write to me that I have “everything made of silicone”. Do not worry about this.


Denis and Anton

“We cure homophobia” - this is how two confectioners from Minsk formulated the main idea of ​​their Instagram account. Denis and Anton bake incredible cakes together, build a business and write small notes about how an LGBT couple lives in a country with a high level of intolerance. They also talk about their everyday life, share relationship stories and post beautiful joint photos. All together it adds up to an information blog that you can leaf through for hours.



We met in 2012 and immediately got along - after six months we began to live together. In 2013, we both got hooked on TLC's King of Pastry Cooking Show. I knew how to cook before - I went to a culinary college. But now we are both interested in cakes. Thanks to the TV show, we saw that there is nothing so difficult in preparing them and you can do amazing things yourself. In 2014, we opened our own coffee shop. Master classes and holidays were held there.True, the premises were located on the outskirts of the city, and even in the courtyard of the house - not the most passable place, so the coffee house was not particularly popular and did not bring much profit. Three years later, we ran into huge debts. I had to sell the premises. After that, we had practically nothing left: we had to part with our own real estate in order to pay off our debts. But we still had our brand, and we decided to promote on the Internet. Now we make custom-made cakes - for weddings and big celebrations.

In parallel, each of us has our own job. For example, I work in the Belarusian State Philharmonic Society and solo in the State Chamber Choir of the Republic of Belarus. This is my calling, and I will not leave it. And cooking for me is both a hobby and a craft that brings money. After all, vocation and craft are not always the same.

When we sold the coffee shop, we not only started promoting our brand, but also took on another joint project - an educational gay blog. We want to explain to people that we are not from another planet. Explain that we have an ordinary, loving family. We focus not only on the LGBT community, but also on those who know nothing about it. As a rule, on LGBT websites all information is presented as if “for their own people”. There is a vocabulary that is understandable only to "friends" But if we want society to become more tolerant, we must talk about everything in an accessible and simple way.



I also have a job besides making cakes - I work in a large restaurant. Although Belarus is not very tolerant of LGBT people, we rarely face homophobia directly - we both have such professions where it doesn't surprise anyone if you are dating a guy. There is a popular stereotype that there are many LGBT people in the creative professions. Of course, this is just a cliche, but sometimes it works in our favor.

We both grew up in small towns, and of course it was more difficult there. In adolescence, they constantly give it to the eye, then to the nose. But we try not to see ourselves as victims of homophobia. After all, teenagers bully each other not only because of their sexual preferences, but also because of their appearance and their figure. So during school years, a person runs the risk of suffering from intolerance, even without being gay.

Our brand started before the gay blog. Many clients and acquaintances did not know what to think of us: someone perceived us as a couple, someone just guessed. People rarely ask about such things directly, so everyone turned to our friends and family with questions. Now that we have Damaster_life, everyone knows about us. It was like coming out.

In the summer we are going to be officially married in Denmark. When we do this, we want to write a detailed guide for readers: how to legalize relationships without resorting to the services of expensive agencies, how much money should be spent on it, where to start. In general, the main idea of ​​our account is education. Mothers of teenagers often write to us: “I used to be homophobic and afraid that my child might come out one day? Now I understand that there is nothing wrong with that. " They complain that they lack adequate information. They don't talk about LGBT people in schools, they don't shoot social videos. We want people to know more. There are gay couples who do not share their relationships with colleagues, do not go on dates in public places because they are afraid of being judged. I want this to change.

Dima Mishka

Dima and Lyosha

At first, the YouTube channel belonged to Dima, and mostly there were just videos with jokes and pranks. But when Dima met Lyosha and came out, young people began to record together sincere videos about accepting themselves, relationships with relatives, funny and difficult moments in life - for example, how Dima's father wanted to take him to the temple “to expel demons ".



I created the channel back in 2011, but it was not particularly popular - they just shot funny videos with friends.But when I met Lesha, we wanted to do something socially significant together: after all, our vlog is not only about LGBT people, but also just about our life.

Sometimes it happens that representatives of the LGBT community who watch our channel seem to be building some kind of expectations. They turn to us: "You represent the Russian LGBT community, you must …" But this is also unpleasant. After all, first of all, this is my blog, and I talk in it about what I want. Some of our content is socially relevant. For example, we talk about safe sex, masturbation, anal sex. After all, many people do not understand this, because of this they can be ashamed of themselves or find themselves in dangerous situations. But we also have a lot of just funny videos about our adventures and trips.

The first few months, the number of subscribers grew, and the haters did not appear. We were even surprised at this. On the contrary, many thanked, wrote that we helped them come out. But at some point, of course, homophobes also appeared - they began to leave malicious comments. Moreover, as a rule, they have nothing to do with the videos themselves - you can immediately see that the commentator did not even watch the video.



But this is not very insulting. It is much more offensive when other representatives of LGBT people begin to criticize. For example, some write that we are too mannered and because of this a stereotype is reinforced in society that all gays are mannered. They say that it is necessary to show people that gays are "little men." In general, this word seems a little strange to me. And why pretend to be someone?

We were surprised when we realized that many of our subscribers are much older than us - they are respectable people of thirty or forty years old who have taken place. Not students like us. Once we arranged a meeting of subscribers and, having seen a group of such "adult" people, did not even realize that they had come to us.


Alena, Ksyusha and Yan

For two years, Alena and Ksyusha maintained a long-distance relationship. One lived in Germany, the other in Russia. Even when they officially got married, they could not move in for another year, but one day Alena was finally able to reunite with her wife. More than ten years have passed since then, the couple are raising a son named Jan and tell on their blog how an LGBT family with a child lives in Germany.



Ksyusha and I have been together for almost thirteen years. When we met, I lived in Russia, and she lived in Germany. I then blogged on LiveJournal and once wrote a short post about how I learned how to make paper cranes - I really wanted to share my joy. Only Ksyusha answered: "Teach me, I also want happiness!" After that, we began to communicate constantly.

Ksyusha is a photographer, and I presented her first camera to her for our wedding. Now it is thanks to her that I have so many beautiful photos on my Instagram. It's just that it is not so easy to take a picture together or three together with a child.

First of all, my account is a personal blog, a continuation of the diary that I kept on LJ. But it is also a social project. When I began to write openly about my life and relationships in it, I began to receive a lot of comments. Someone thanked - for example, other members of the LGBT community. Someone, on the contrary, for the first time in their life came across a real lesbian. These people began to repeat phrases that are so popular in an intolerant society: for example, to write that homosexuality is against nature. This is despite the fact that in nature it is found in four hundred and fifty species of animals. As a result, I realized that my blog is important not only to me, but also to other people. I don't mean only LGBT families. I hope that thanks to this instagram, many will find out that we are the same people, we do not eat babies for breakfast, we drink the same coffee in the morning and read the same bedtime stories.

Sometimes people write and admit that they subscribed to me in order to laugh at me like at some outlandish animal. They apologize and thank me for finding something for themselves on my blog. Now they see us in the first place as a family - it doesn't matter whether she is same-sex or not.It is very important.

Sometimes people ask tactless questions, violate personal boundaries. They ask: “How do you feel about photographs of children in social networks? What if your child grows up and realizes that the Internet already knows everything about him? " Or, "How did your parents feel about your marriage?" Usually such messages are drenched in sugary syrup of care, spiced with a thousand apologies. But in the end, you get the feeling that in fact you are being taught, and you have to make excuses. Many people think that since you blog and speak openly about your life, then they can write you anything.

Yes, it's true

Masha and Natasha

In this video blog, two girls from Kiev debunk myths about lesbian couples and answer the most popular questions. They jokingly explain why an LGBT couple does not have to be a "man" and how to avoid tactlessness if you communicate with a homosexual couple.



At first I thought it would be my personal channel linked to my travel blog tripfoodmania. I recorded the first video and explained in it that from now on this is my lifestyle channel. I wanted to be as honest and open as possible with my subscribers, so in the next video I came out. After that, we thought that we could run the channel together, especially since there is not much such content in Ukraine. We spend a lot of time together, and Natasha would appear often in my videos anyway. So it seemed like a logical step to join forces.

At first we thought it would be just a vlog about our life. But gradually people began to ask more and more questions about LGBT people, and we decided to engage in education. We have a lot of support. There are also homophobic comments, but we try to enter into dialogue with all subscribers and explain to them what they might not understand.

We have two goals. The first is personal. Collect a video archive, which we can then review and nostalgic. I am sure that when I become old, it will be interesting for me to look at myself in my youth.



The second goal is to combat stereotypes about LGBT people. Many people do not even know how this abbreviation stands. We show by our own example that our relationships and life are not very different from how heterosexual couples live. Many say that they have already managed to change their attitude towards LGBT people, simply by watching how we live.

When Masha was running her regular blog, I told her that it was time to start a YouTube channel. She already had her own audience, and it seemed to me that it would be logical to start producing video content as well. When she invited me to vlog with her, I immediately agreed. We recorded the first video in Odessa. We went there to celebrate our anniversary. I remember that we were very worried then: it was unusual to walk around the city with a video camera and record our thoughts and impressions.

Now people are beginning to recognize us. Recently, walking around the city, we met our subscriber. We hugged, and she thanked us, said that we give hope. After such words, you begin to understand how important it is to talk about LGBT topics to those who live with you in the same country.


Zhenya, Nastya, Emil and Emma

Zhenya and Nastya are from Khabarovsk. There they started dating, and there they had their first child - Emil. After the law "on gay propaganda" was adopted in Russia in 2013, it became uncomfortable and dangerous to stay in their hometown: faced with threats and attacks, Zhenya and Nastya decided to emigrate. By that time, they were already expecting their second child - daughter Emma. The August4me Instagram is hosted by Zhenya, but Nastya and the children are constant participants in all photos and posts. Zhenya sincerely talks about emigration, how the family had to go through refugee camps and legal difficulties in order to end up living peacefully, and just tells stories from life.



I started my first Instagram account a long time ago. It was just a personal blog with photos that my friends were subscribed to.After a few years, I realized that I wanted to make it more public, so that different people would subscribe to it, not just those I know. Russia is a rather intolerant country where it is difficult to find information about LGBT people if you are not in the subject. Many lesbians at a young age think that their only way to start a family and have a child is to get married and have sex with a man. I decided that I would share my experience in simple language in order to support those who lack information. Now many mothers have subscribed to me who are trying to find a common language with their daughters who have come out. They want to understand their relatives, and we help them in this.

Of course, my family and I received threats and cyberbullying. At first it was all very annoying, but now we have grown the armor. True, it is sometimes difficult not to lose your temper, especially when they start writing about children. For example, recently I was asked: "What will you do if your children grow up and have sexual relations with each other?" Why am I being asked such questions at all? There are many heterosexual families where stepbrothers and sisters live under the same roof. After all, they are not asked about this. Obviously, people simply believe that "debauchery" is happening in same-sex families.

Fortunately, when we moved from Russia, we at least stopped receiving threats: in Germany, a person will be held accountable before the law for this kind of insult. Of course, there are many tourists and emigrants from both Russia and other conservative countries. They may look askance, but we no longer feel the pressure.

However, there is another problem here. As soon as you say somewhere that you have a wife and children, everyone starts exclaiming: “Oh, how great it is! What good fellows you are! I also have gay friends …”This is called positive discrimination. Yes, anyone who lives in Russia will say that we just got drunk. But in fact, even that kind of attention is sometimes tiresome. If I said, “I have a husband,” no one would react to it. I do not want to be singled out from the crowd - I am for people to understand that I am no different from them. It’s like I’ve come out every day - both in the blog and on the street, I have to see surprise again and again, to explain something to myself.

I am glad that nothing more threatens our lives. My subscribers and subscribers are constantly asking for help, advice and support. There is a story of girls who were raped in the park when it became known that they were lesbians. They also killed their dog. Recently, I have been thinking whether I should go to study as a psychotherapist, I would like to help people, but so far there are not enough resources and knowledge. And just living with all these stories is very difficult.

Popular by topic