I'm Not Just Forgetful: How I Live With Attention Deficit Disorder

A life 2023

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I'm Not Just Forgetful: How I Live With Attention Deficit Disorder
I'm Not Just Forgetful: How I Live With Attention Deficit Disorder
Video: I'm Not Just Forgetful: How I Live With Attention Deficit Disorder
Video: Living with Adult ADHD 2023, February
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ABBREVIATING ADHD HIDDEN attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is a disorder in which it is difficult for a person to concentrate and keep attention on one thing for a long time; people with this diagnosis often turn out to be hyperactive and impulsive. There are still many myths and biases around ADHD: it is believed that this diagnosis can only be in children, or that it is supposedly just an excuse for "laziness." Moreover, for a long time, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder was considered primarily a "male" diagnosis: studies were carried out among hyperactive boys, and the criteria for diagnosis were also built according to their indicators - because of this, girls were diagnosed less often. Today, researchers say that ADHD is seen in both girls and adult women, and it can manifest itself differently than men: girls and women with ADHD are often not hyperactive, but have difficulty concentrating. Julia, who was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, told us how she learned to cope with her peculiarity and accept it - and at the same time help others.

Interview: Ellina Orudzheva

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I do not remember myself different

I'm not just forgetful and impulsive - that's how my brain works. ADHD, or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, implies the inability to concentrate for a long time, impulsivity, inattention. Such people can often be late, forget about promises, it is more difficult for them to organize themselves. It can be difficult to sit still - you constantly want to do something, it seems that time is wasted. There may be many ideas in your head that you want to immediately implement, without making plans and not thinking about the consequences - and then lose interest in them and abandon them in the process.

I don’t remember myself different. When I was little, I could not sit still - I ran and jumped all the time. As a child, I had three concussions, because I was constantly falling and crashing somewhere. I heard from my parents all the time: “Julia, be careful! Julia, please, slower. " Poor grandmother was always worried, because every minute it was necessary to follow me: I dropped everything, constantly lost mittens, hats, shoes.

ADHD can affect cognitive function, but not necessarily. Everything was fine with me: I always studied for fours and fives and quickly grasped everything. True, in the classroom she laughed, was distracted and distracted by the others - and also argued with the teachers, defended her point of view. They often told me: "You need to be a little more attentive, and then everything will be fine with you." I tried very hard, but I couldn't do it. I confused or missed letters in words, I could solve the example "eight minus five" and get four. Even now I can, for example, write the wrong end of a word - however, if I write more slowly and recheck, I will not be mistaken.

When I was little, I could not sit still - I ran and jumped all the time. As a child, I had three concussions, because I constantly fell and crashed somewhere

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About two years ago, I was reading my children's medical record and noticed that there are often notes from a neurologist about ADHD. And although I was diagnosed a long time ago, my parents did not accept this feature of mine. It seems to me that the fact that the diagnosis was taken so lightly was influenced by my abilities: the child studies well, does well, everyone praises her and says what a smart girl, and since this does not interfere with her studies, then it’s not scary.

Of course, this has always influenced my attitude towards myself: it still seems to me that I need to try to become a little better, to be more attentive, not to lose mittens five pieces a year, to concentrate, to finish it to the end. When you are told all the time: "Be quiet, be calm, don't go in," it leaves an imprint. As a teenager, I began to hide a lot in myself.I found how to drown out hyperactivity and impulsivity - I began to eat a lot: this helped to relieve anxiety and drown out emotions. Only recently I turned to a psychologist for help - thanks to him, my relationship with food has improved. I read that most people have ADHD into adulthood. I started reading about it, took a test, talked to a psychologist and it turned out that my syndrome is still with me. Then a lot became clear. Of course, I'm sorry that I spent so much time pushing everything inside, struggling with myself to be more comfortable for those around me. I didn't understand that I didn't need to change completely, to become completely different, but I could learn to live more comfortably with my diagnosis.

Now I immediately notice children with this disorder. They always say whatever comes to mind, it is very difficult for them to concentrate, they jump from one thought to another, start something and throw it away. And parents are always next to them, who seem to be ashamed of them: "Well, quieter, quieter, behave more decently." Such parents do not try to live with these characteristics, teach children the necessary skills, but try to hide them and pretend that everything is "normal". I think it was the same with me. How to live with ADHD, the doctor did not explain to my parents.

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Jericho Trumpet

I graduated from high school with a silver medal and entered medical school. The most difficult thing in the university was anatomy - there you just need to learn "booty": you sit and study. I can remember something if I see logic in it, but here everything is different: don't look for it, but if the bone is called that way, and not otherwise, you can't do anything about it. I could sit at a textbook for an hour or two without even turning the page. Of course, there were twos - and a lot. But I wanted to become a doctor, and it won - I couldn't give up.

I am currently working as an orthodontist. Probably, I would not have worked as a dentist for so long: this is a very routine work and death for a person with ADHD. In my work, each case is different, it is constantly difficult and difficult, the brain works to its fullest. Since I work with children for the most part - correcting bite, putting on braces - I get a double pleasure. When I have a hyperactive child at my appointment, everything works out precisely because I understand him. Children with ADHD are very grateful and cool - it is difficult to find an approach to them at first, but they diligently follow the recommendations, if they are believed and trusted.

I am lucky, I have been working in one place for quite a long time. I am very proud of this: I try to overcome difficulties, not change jobs, but do better. The management knows about my diagnosis, they say: "Yes, we have Julia impulsive and emotional." The head physician calls me "the Trumpet of Jericho."

About three years ago, I had an internal crisis - I thought that I was doing something wrong, and I also received the education of a child psychologist. At some point I decided to change my profession, but then I realized that I love my job. As a result, I found a place where my love for children can be manifested - I am a volunteer in a hospital, I work as a clown, and I read fairy tales to children. We sometimes read by roles, fool around, and I feel like a girl Yulia - this is the place where I can show my childishness, restlessness, direct my love of playing in a peaceful direction.

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Many are addicted

When I am not eating up my emotions, I am very anxious. The thoughts are constantly spinning in my head: “Oh, we need to start learning Italian. No, I need to meet with this person. No, you have to read this book - or not, another one”. In everyday life, it is difficult for me to concentrate even on a simple task, but as soon as I feel stress, attention, on the contrary, increases - therefore, for example, I always passed exams well. Sometimes people with ADHD are looking for extreme situations in order to concentrate as much as possible; many are prone to addictions - from food, like mine, alcohol, drugs, sex.

But over the past few months, things have started to improve. The psychologist helped me become more organized and attentive.I write to-do lists, highlight the main things, keep a weekly, make sure I get eight hours of sleep. I need to write down everything in general: for example, if I'm going to wash, I will write down not only the wash itself, but also that in an hour I need to take the laundry out of the machine - otherwise I can get distracted and forget about it. If I promise to bring something to someone, I also write it down - but before I was ashamed or felt guilty when I forgot to say something, to call someone. Because of this, people begin to treat you differently: "Oh, you will forget anyway" or "Oh, well, of course, this is Yulia." It's unpleasant when you can't be relied on - but now I seem to be turning into a person who can be counted on. You can't say to yourself, "Oh, I have ADHD, so you can be late, not hand over your work, and forget everything." Still, there must be responsibility.

The hardest part of my life with ADHD is paying bills on time - I have something overdue all the time. Cleaning the house is also very difficult, although the work is always in order. I work accurately and quickly, I do not make sudden movements - this is already a matter of professionalism.

With age, it became easier, but when I do business, I still want to get up and walk in fifteen or twenty minutes to get distracted. I have a life hack for this case: I listen to a playlist with repetitive music or watch the same movie on repeat. There is a TV in our study, and I play Gentlemen of Fortune on it many times in a row - the monotony calms me down, and I can do everything further with great interest and interest.

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Pull yourself together

I never had any problems with friends, I was not teased, and I was not an outcast. True, sometimes I still felt that due to the fact that there was a lot of me, I was screaming, waving my arms, some avoided me - not everyone is comfortable if there is such a person nearby. It can be very difficult for me to concentrate on what they tell me, I can easily lose the thread of the conversation. A person can tell me something, and I notice that only five minutes have passed - and I have already been distracted; you have to constantly ask again. Because of my impulsiveness, I can blurt out something wrong, although I do not want to offend the person at all. And the closer the person is to me, the more I relax - I have to apologize more often.

There are also moments in sexual relations due to the fact that it is often impossible to concentrate. To concentrate in this case means not repeating “I am here, here”, but asking yourself questions: “What is happening now? What I feel?" When I learned this, everything changed for the better.

The closest ones know what I am: I drop something all the time, forget, I'm late somewhere. But I'm sure some people love me for who I am. For example, my husband - when we are in different rooms and he hears that something is falling, he jokingly shouts to me: “Julia, are you wearing a helmet? Are you all right? " I don't feel like he would like me to change.

I have wonderful parents, I love them very much, but I do not feel that they fully accept me. Recently, I went to my grandmother, ran out of her entrance, glanced at the intercom and saw a pimp, which, it seemed to me, was not there before. I called my mother and asked: “Mom, does grandmother have a new intercom? Do you have the keys to him? " She replied that this pimp was always there. Knowing that I am upset and that I am already thirty-five years old, she says, "Please be more attentive." She doesn't think: "Oh, nothing special, my daughter has ADHD, so she may not notice some detail on the intercom for years."

When they say to me "Julia, you are talking so loudly", I am glad: here I am.

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Despite the fact that it is difficult for me, I am an optimist. Without ADHD, there wouldn't be any of my other qualities. For example, I multitask and can do several things at the same time. It seems to me that I am a creative person - in my work it helps me to approach the treatment plan outside the box. I am very sensitive - it is, of course, difficult to live with, but I know that I can love, be friends, I am very devoted. I would not like to give up these qualities.Sometimes I tell a person about my diagnosis, and he answers me: “You are one of the most organized people among my acquaintances. You have some lists, weeklies and reminders all the time, you plan your schedule two weeks in advance. " It was ADHD that made me so organized - and it helps me a lot to live.

I can understand people who don't think ADHD is a disorder because it really looks like "laziness." Very often even I begin to doubt - the opinion is so widely accepted that you just need to "pull yourself together." Therefore, I believe that more should be said about ADHD so that people can seek help. Medications that actually affect ADHD are not available in Russia. I have many skills to help me live without pills, but I would like to try therapy purely out of curiosity. Find out what it is like to live without frustration - to look into the eyes of the interlocutor and remember everything he says. Or, for example, what is it like - when you need to make a working presentation in two hours, and exactly two hours later you get up from your chair, having done everything without being distracted every twenty minutes to drink or look out the window.

Recently, thanks to psychotherapy, I try to be more myself. When they say to me “Yulia, you are talking so loudly,” I rejoice: here I am, the real one, the way I am, I cease to be ashamed of it. I don't want to waste time trying to prove something to people. I would not want to live without ADHD: no matter how thirty-five years of my life have passed, this is what has shaped me, what helps to overcome difficulties and feel the strength inside. It might be fun to get through the day without losing your keys or gloves, or having a lot of fun cleaning - but that's part of me.

Photos: Jenov Jenovallen - stock.adobe.com (1, 2, 3, 4)

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