Theoretically, I Could Be A Grandmother: Women On How They Became Mothers After 40 Years

A life 2023

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Theoretically, I Could Be A Grandmother: Women On How They Became Mothers After 40 Years
Theoretically, I Could Be A Grandmother: Women On How They Became Mothers After 40 Years
Video: Theoretically, I Could Be A Grandmother: Women On How They Became Mothers After 40 Years
Video: When you say Grandmother, you're still saying Mother - Dr. LaShawnDa Pittman 2023, February
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We have already told you why the offensive term "Old-born" time to forget as soon as possible. It all depends primarily on the individual characteristics of health, and modern medicine allows you to do what until recently seemed impossible: for example, recently a 61-year-old American woman became a surrogate mother for her son and his husband. Nevertheless, many, including doctors and potential parents themselves, still believe that it is necessary to have time to give birth as early as possible, and after the conditional thirty-five it will be supposedly “late”. Women who became mothers after forty told us about their decision and experience - mostly pleasant.

Interview: Irina Kuzmicheva

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Lyudmila S

42 years

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I first became a mother seven months ago. When I was thirty, I divorced my first husband, then received a couple more educations in a related specialty - financial stability and independence appeared. I worked, studied abroad, went in for sports - I was not bored, and I felt self-sufficient. There were other relationships, but it's not that. I was not particularly worried about remarriage and children: they will be - excellent, no - so no.

At the age of thirty-eight, I met a man with whom I developed a calm and even relationship, which grew into great love and family. Children were not planned at first: my husband has two adult children from his first marriage, and for me motherhood was not an end in itself. When I started trying to get pregnant, it turned out that it was not easy. There were three unsuccessful attempts at in vitro fertilization (IVF), they were going to do the fourth (and last), but it did not come to her - the pregnancy came without medical intervention.

I am a gynecologist by education, and a general understanding of the process helped me a lot throughout pregnancy and childbirth. Well, in general, I am for a balanced and reasonable approach. I carefully think over the routine: I prefer to rent a house next to work, so as not to waste time and energy on the road, to have a gym with a swimming pool within walking distance. I also found the medical center in the neighborhood - all this plus the car makes the life of a pregnant woman much easier. I was seen in a private medical center by a good doctor who uses the principles of evidence-based medicine. He did not frighten, did not prescribe too much, recommended the pool and orbitrek - and he treated everything positively.

The pregnancy was great. My husband and I discussed the risks and decided that we are not ready to raise children with special needs. In the first trimester, I did screenings for chromosomal abnormalities - all the results were good. I flew a lot for work, went to the gym until the fourth month of pregnancy, until my stomach began to interfere with pumping the abs, then went to the pool, where I swam at least a kilometer. I went on vacation two weeks before giving birth. We have a childbirth leave at work that lasts twenty-four weeks: two before birth, the rest after. In the last month, there were complications that were unpleasant for me, but not dangerous for the child - but the medical center provided IVs and regular monitoring of the fetus, so this did not significantly affect my work and the general routine of life.

For childbirth, I chose a private maternity hospital with everything necessary for me and the child: a ward as a hotel room, restaurant food before childbirth and dietary food after, a separate delivery room, constant monitoring of the fetus, epidural anesthesia, my husband is nearby. Labor did not start on its own, and after the full 42 weeks we decided to induce labor. Approx. ed.). Because of the entanglement with the umbilical cord, it was alarming - I understood the risks - but the doctors worked competently, I obeyed them unquestioningly, and the baby was born mature and strong. We got off with a slight fright and were discharged on the third day.

I have not met a negative attitude - it’s even strange to talk about it. Colleagues and acquaintances were happy for me and supported me. Some people ask if we will follow our little sister. But there is little time left for the second child: I am forty-three this year, my husband fifty-one. We must take into account the reality.

Svetlana

48 years old

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In my picture of family life there have always been a husband and children, but I did not set myself any framework for "getting married before …", "giving birth no later …" She got married closer to forty, first became a mother five years ago. When we were planning a pregnancy, tests revealed that I had a low level of anti-Müllerian hormone (AMH) (it allows me to assess the possibility of conceiving without the use of assisted reproductive technologies. - Approx. ed.), so we went to consult a fertility specialist. While they were deciding which IVF option to choose, the pregnancy began on its own.

During pregnancy, it was important for me to be sure that everything was going well - and the doctors helped me to maintain it. We parted with those who did not help at different stages. Despite the fact that the pregnancy was proceeding calmly, I had enough reasons for alarm. But regular ultrasounds and fetal doppler (a device for tracking the fetal heart rate. - Approx. ed.) were my moral support.

Nobody called me "old-born", although it was written on the card in the antenatal clinic. Having given birth, I automatically fell into the company of young mothers, regardless of age. During my motherhood, I was asked twice, “Are you a mother or a grandmother?”, And, it seems to me, intentionally. I think twice in five years is not much, considering that by age I could theoretically be a grandmother. At first, I wondered how they would treat the child, whether the parental age would not be a reason for resentment. But if you want, you can cling to anything: red-haired, clumsy, older than middle-aged parents. Usually my age is overlooked or ignored.

For my child, I am the best mom. I hear declarations of love from him every day, and it was worth it. Motherhood for me is a huge plus, a new life, even if not always pink. And minus one - if you like it, you may not have time to repeat it.

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Olga

43 years

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I've always felt like a moderate childfree. The peer husband has a sixteen-year-old daughter from his first marriage. I got pregnant at forty-one while taking birth control pills - it was a surprise. We decided to keep the child.

Now I live in Turkey, so I have not experienced the delights of Russian antenatal clinics. There is no need to run around by eight in the morning to pass urine, and in general, pregnancy is as comfortable as possible. Sometimes women asked me if I had done IVF - but not because they wanted to hint at my age, but because they asked me to recommend a doctor. In Turkey, they often give birth to fifty, this will not surprise anyone. More often they are surprised that this is the firstborn, and immediately want to give birth to one or two more.

The management of my "age-related" pregnancy did not differ from the standard. We discussed all the necessary screenings with the doctor, and if something worried him, he calmly told us about it. For example, we went to another city for a 4D ultrasound scan, since my son did not want to show his face during routine checks and we had to make sure that everything was in order. The pregnancy was very easy: I don't even know what toxicosis is (an outdated name for vomiting during pregnancy. - Approx. ed.), edema. I gained only nine kilograms - from the back or in an oversized T-shirt, I was not mistaken for a pregnant woman at all.

I had a planned cesarean section. During childbirth, we joked with the doctor and the team, and sutured the incision under a loud rock so that I would not limp. The son was washed, dressed and immediately handed to dad, and then I was fed. There was enough milk, my age did not affect it. The next evening we were all at home, I even went for a walk with the dog. None of my friends who gave birth in Russia believe this.

Of course, I have less energy at forty-one and beyond than at twenty-one and even thirty-one. It is difficult for my husband and me to jump as a bunny and keep up with a moving baby - we were not ready for this. It was also difficult for me to adapt to social isolation while my son was a baby and we adjusted to his regime. But now he is two years old, we will be forty-four, and we have already learned how to combine our needs.

Tatyana

44 years old

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My oldest daughter is nineteen years old. Once I wanted a second child, but did not meet a person who would share this desire with me. I have been divorced for a long time, I have a stable relationship, but without obligations. There was even a thought to give birth to one, "for myself," as they call it, but I did not dare. I calmed myself for a long time: I'm only thirty-five, I'm still thirty-seven, many give birth like that - suddenly something else will work out. Even at forty I said to myself: "Well, there are cases." But when I turned forty-one, I calmed down and closed this question for myself. Ahead was life for myself, for my daughter, for loved ones. I didn't feel bored or unhappy, so I didn't plan a second pregnancy. Moreover, for a long time and seriously protected itself - but, apparently, when changing the method of contraception, a failure occurred. Despite the age, the pregnancy happened by itself, on the first try - or rather, from the first misfire.

At first I was shocked. Then the attitude of the doctors was incredibly surprised. They did not frighten me at all, although I thought they would discourage me. I was at several, in different centers (I did not consider a free antenatal clinic), and all with one voice said: "Take it out, you have a completely normal age" - and stuff like that. Of course, they recommended additional genetic tests at an early stage - they are not cheap, but the price is justified, there is no place for saving. Of course, no one is immune from anything, but I think that at this age you need to do all possible research so that you don't regret anything later. And, most importantly, the pregnancy will be calmer.

The term "old-born" is rather ridiculous for me - in 1975 my twenty-seven-year-old mother was called that. I have a humor about age, and I consider the decision to give birth to be a reason for pride - despite the possible complications and difficulties with health, which, of course, were fewer in my youth. Probably the biggest fear is whether I will have time to raise my child. And the main plus is that late motherhood is perceived as a gift of fate. It is difficult to evaluate such a gift when you think that you still have everything ahead of you.

Lyudmila T

42 years

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Due to the obstruction of the fallopian tubes, I could not get pregnant and needed IVF - I was told that there were no other ways. Everything turned out on the third attempt, and the pregnancy itself was easy - and two years ago I became a mother. Doctors scared that they would need to do a cesarean section, but the birth was vaginal.

Unfortunately, often by the age of forty, people acquire not only a certain way of life, but also a bunch of diseases. But by this age there are already other material opportunities and there is a career - you can give birth to children. The word "old-born" is no longer relevant: many give birth after thirty-five - and this is the norm. During pregnancy, I have not heard any negative comments. I think the only negative is the age in the passport, you can't deceive him. And everything else, including difficulties after the birth of a child, is a big plus.

PHOTOS: Smallable (1, 2)

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