Pagan Outrages And Queer Ball: We Came Up With A Wedding Registry Office

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Pagan Outrages And Queer Ball: We Came Up With A Wedding Registry Office
Pagan Outrages And Queer Ball: We Came Up With A Wedding Registry Office

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IN THE HEADING "COMMUNICATIONS" WE TELL ABOUT GIRLSwho came up with a common cause and achieved success in it. And at the same time we expose the myth that women are not capable of friendly feelings, but can only compete aggressively. Today our heroines are Sonya Polskaya and Polina Dorozhkova, friends who founded a wedding registry office for those who want a sincere holiday without patriarchal clichés and Instagram stamps like “Provence style flower arch”.

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ksyusha petrova

How did the registry office appear

Sonya: Polina and I have known each other for a very long time from the Ziferblat party: I ran Ziferblat at Pushkinskaya for two years, Polina also worked there. At first we were not close, but then we became friends on the basis of mutual travel: the young man and I were looking for a company to travel by car and realized that we had one cool couple in mind - Polina and her husband. It turned out that we are a perfect match for each other (and this is rare - sometimes it’s so difficult with friends in such a situation).

Pauline: On the trip, we got the idea of ​​a registry office. In an absolutely stupid way - we were sitting on the veranda of a house in Pushchino, drinking wine, and then I said: "Sonya, I have a business idea." When I uttered the sacramental phrase “wedding agency”, Sonya was alarmed and said that she had been thinking about it for several years. All this could have remained a half-drunk conversation that would not have resulted in anything. But then we walked around and decided - the idea is cool, we need to do it.

Sonya: I was already aware of the wedding industry thanks to my previous project - Velotsvetnitsa. For several years I have been subscribed to a bunch of thematic Instagram related to flowers and not only. And I noticed long ago that all the photos seem to be from one account: aesthetics, presentation - everything is very similar.

Polina: Do you think - are all people so alike and want the same thing?

Sonya: It's not that it's tasteless, on the contrary: now everyone has learned to make beautifully and stylishly - flowers, dresses, platforms, videos, photographs - but it's all incredibly monotonous. Some kind of gentle princess-sunset-sugary mess.

Polina: As if you are listening to the same fairy tale all the time: the same princess, in the same forest. But people are more complex and different.

Sonya: For some reason, it is at the wedding that they are actively trying to drive us into strict frames. But this is such an extensive holiday, it can include a lot, mean a lot. It's strange to simplify its meaning when there might be something really interesting and deep in there.

Polina: Then, of course, we could not formulate it so coherently, but we understood that our ideas about weddings are similar. About six months after the fateful conversation on the veranda, we sat down and began to figure out how we would work and how we would tell people that a wedding is actually cool. Little by little, we began to save money for the launch, think over the logo and branding.

At first we thought that we would be called Soap Opera - because, firstly, a wedding is always a bit of a soap opera in terms of the richness of cliches, and because our names are Sonya and Polina, So and Po, it turns out a funny alliteration.

Sonya: But literally the day before the launch, we decided that this name was too personal and incomprehensible - you couldn't explain it right away at a party. And the name of the registry office expresses all our irony in relation to matrimonial institutions. Unofficially, we are the registry office number 0.

Wedding without marriage

Sonya: The meaning that you give to the wedding is a very individual thing, and we are not trying to impose this meaning on people. It seems to me that you can get married for very different reasons, and the holidays will turn out to be different. We do not want to make a sugary fairy tale in which people pretend that they are together until the grave - we know that, most likely, it will not be so. We do not believe in halves and in eternal love like in a movie.

Polina: We also do not believe that a wedding is some kind of fundamental transformative event: supposedly, before the painting, you were one person, and then you became another. As if on click, all your experience and emotional baggage will disappear somewhere.

Sonya: A logical question follows from this - why then do we need a wedding? Option one: you want to celebrate how much you like each other and how much you enjoy being in the relationship. Why not celebrate something that makes you very happy? This is an opportunity to focus your attention on what you like and what you attach importance to. You can enjoy something for many years and not even notice, but here you make a statement: I am cool in this relationship and I want to share my joy with others.

Polina: It's like a happy birthday: it's not that you're twenty-six, thirty-five or forty-three - you just use it as an excuse to have a holiday with your loved ones. It seems to me that the hour is not far off when it will be the same with weddings: people will treat them easier - not "Oh my God, we need to get married, parents are asking, everyone will be happy" - but "why don't we have a wedding picnic? ". This is not necessarily a major life-changing event.

Sonya: Because of the many negative connotations associated with wedding culture, today's young people have a feeling that wedding is not for them. That marriage is generally an outdated institution, and if you are a "normal" person, then you should not get involved in it. It turns out to be two extremes: people who like a pretentious artificial story, and people who, because of this, abandon the idea of ​​a wedding altogether. And we are trying to tell you that there are alternatives, that weddings can be non-standard and cool.

Pauline: We are trying to scrape off the official plaque that is present even at the most fashionable weddings, and figure out what is inside - why are you together? Do you need it yourself? What do you want from the holiday? We have an important expression “wedding without marriage”. It perfectly describes the idea that, when making a wedding, it is not necessary to get involved in the institution of marriage, which in the Russian context is often strange and rabid. That you can just arrange a holiday that fits into your normal life and does not contradict your principles. It is clear that for 90% of people, a wedding is still a moment after which a fundamental stage of life begins, a marriage in which you are bound by a bunch of obligations. But we think differently.

Sonya: You can get married without signing at all! Make a holiday, but do not go to the registry office. And no one will scold you or put you in a corner. Or you can, on the contrary, sign and not have a wedding. Or re-wedding many years later. Or sign and celebrate on different days. These are not related things at all. Painting is just a formality that entails a number of domestic and legal changes. It is naive to think that a stamp in a passport will save you from parting: will a person really stay because he is too lazy to sign papers? The prenuptial agreement is another matter: I believe that it is really a worthwhile thing for people who care about each other.

How to celebrate a divorce

Sonya: It seems to me that a certain number of sober-minded people have already matured in the world who can analyze relationships, and not just leave them in the field of the emotional and irrational. Divorce is not necessarily a vicious war. I think that now people, getting married, already understand that they can not be together all their lives. It happens this way, this is normal, and there is nothing terrible about it.

Polina: Divorce is burdened not only with negative emotions, but also with a social stigma - as if if you divorced, you failed. Failed a relationship that was sealed as if forever. There are no social props to help you cope with the situation. We believe that there is nothing final in divorce, just like in a wedding.But if your divorce is about intense sad feelings, you might, for example, throw a rage party. This is a cool thing: it gives you the opportunity to throw out negative emotions in the company of people who are in solidarity with you. You are going to experience it in some intense but harmless form: you burn old things, for example, or beat a scarecrow.

Sonya: The angry overworking is perfectly complemented by self-rewarding: champagne, delicious food, smart girlfriends. It all depends on the person's idea of ​​what a holiday is, but in any case, it is very therapeutic.

The second version of a waggle party is for that ideal situation where people disperse as friends: “We realized that we were not suitable for each other, but the little man is good, and there was a lot of cool things”. You can not celebrate the end of the relationship, but fix what they were: make a party for friends, remember cool moments, be sad, edit a touching video. Polina and I do not perceive the ended relationship as "wasted" years: if you are divorced, it does not mean that you are mistaken, this is an experience that gave you a lot. Why not reflect on this in the form of a holiday.

Polina: This balanced version, which we are talking about, is still very difficult to come across. I think this is due to the fact that there are many unhealthy moments in the institution of marriage today. If you were in an abusive relationship, somehow you don't really want to spend a holiday about a divorce with your spouse, except for a release party.

Sonya: So far, we have not held a single divorce party: there were a couple of people who wanted to, but they quarreled during the preparation stage. But we believe that these rare cool lucid people exist! It's just that our coverage hasn't touched them yet. We would also love to have an LGBT wedding. This just goes well with the thesis "wedding without marriage": unfortunately, you cannot formalize the relationship in the registry office, but no one forbids you to arrange a holiday. It seems to me that for LGBT people, the symbolic part, ceremony and so on, is even more important.

Polina: I can say at every corner that LGBT marriages should be legal, but I do not have enough resources to somehow influence this legally and politically. But I can act at my level: tell friends, propose to friends, organize an LGBT wedding. When we organize the first such wedding, it will be a small victory.

Queer ball and Ivan Kupala

Sonya: Our first project was a wedding of friends: my colleague from Velotsvetnitsa, Rita and Matvey, got married. The guys wanted a queer ball wedding, inspired by the Ru Paul show, the Pose series and the aesthetics of the New York parties of the time in general. All the guests were given the task to come in costumes and approached this very responsibly. Someone glued something out of papier-mâché for a month, someone sewed a chicken head for themselves and decorated the dress with rubber chicken legs from a pet store, someone made a d'Artagnan costume out of garbage bags. This was already enough to make the party unforgettable, but we also thought of a cool program - everyone loved the Lipsink Battle, it was impossible to stop. In general, I do not despise contests, it's just that at Russian weddings they are usually disgusting and sexist, although in itself it is not a bad phenomenon. The Lipsink Battle is the perfect competition because there really isn't any competition in it. We will not give points to anyone and scold those who have not prepared well, the main thing is fun.

There was also a great ceremony: the guys were married by a friend who had composed an incredibly touching text in advance. In this wedding, I really liked the combination of the comic and the sentimental. There is nothing shameful about having sentimental impulses.

Polina: Even at the funniest and most stupid wedding, there are islands of seriousness. Our task is to understand whether they are needed, how many such islands are needed and in what form they should be organized.This is one of the most interesting things in our work: we extract from the newlyweds what is difficult for them to formulate, and what they do not even fully realize, we find an emotional core, and in the end it somehow turns out cool.

Sonya: When you say something sincerely and it has a deep meaning to you, there is nothing wrong with it being sentimental. It is not necessary to go to serious cabbage soup during the whole event, but it is not necessary to pretend that you are all so ironic and that does not mean anything to you.

Polina: In the wedding industry, especially in Russia with our climate, there is a seasonality - everyone wants to get married in the summer, when the sun, birches are noisy and warm. Therefore, a very active period begins next week, when there are holidays almost every week, and before that it was like a lull, but we were simultaneously preparing seven weddings. The nearest wedding will be on the day of Ivan Kupala.

Sonya: We found a gigantic, terribly beautiful area with a house, a lake and a field - guests will come there for the weekend and will hang out in nature. We read about various rituals on Ivan Kupala and found there so much beautiful chthonic obscurantism that ideas for a holiday were immediately born. Apparently, in Russia people generally stood out prominently on this day: they swam naked, burned fires, did all sorts of mystical and magical things.

Pauline: It's also cool that this is an erotic holiday, a holiday about love. We used Tarkovsky's film "Andrei Rublev" as a reference, where there is a long scene with flirting.

Sonya: For example, the most beautiful girl from the village was chosen for Ivan Kupala, she was stripped naked and she was wrapped in garlands. Weaving wreaths is also a very poetic and symbolic tradition.

Polina: We were lucky that the guys who are getting married were very open-minded and liked the same ideas that we did. As a result, we took from the traditions of the holiday only what is close to us, and we got a mystical and erotic fun holiday. There will be jumping over the fire, and a whole installation, for which I had to find the contacts of a Moscow skull dealer. In general, we try to look for non-wedding contractors and sites, because if you add the word "wedding" to any item, the price of this item increases significantly.

Sonya: I like that our carbon monoxide wedding on Ivan Kupala is not a story about a wedding "in style". I don't really understand this phrase at all - wedding agencies have a mania to come up with package weddings "in style": there is a loft style, a rustic style, urban, Provence, Scandinavian. We have, apparently, the style of "pagan atrocities."

Polina: We understand that our approach is completely unprofitable in terms of personal investments: now we come up with an approach to each wedding from scratch, and if there are package offers - "loft" or "Provence" - much less effort is spent, everything is clear, there is no need to look for contractors … But it is important for us that every wedding is also an attraction for ourselves. When you make Provence style every year, it's a routine - you already have the same chairs, tables, and the operator is already a good friend. Cover band, arch of flowers, everything is clear and boring.

Sonya: If I were organizing my wedding now, I would arrange something incredible - for example, a festive festival for a week, where there will be something new every day.

Polina: My wedding five years ago was very warm and cool, but now I would organize it a little differently. I'm thinking of arranging a re-wedding by the registry office next summer!

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