Imagine A Room: Life Hacks That Psychotherapists Taught Us

A life 2022

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Imagine A Room: Life Hacks That Psychotherapists Taught Us
Imagine A Room: Life Hacks That Psychotherapists Taught Us

Video: Imagine A Room: Life Hacks That Psychotherapists Taught Us

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Psychotherapy is, of course, an individual work in a personal meeting. A specialist cannot give the client advice on how to manage his life, but he seeks his own approach to each person. But psychotherapists also have universal life hacks that can be applied all life and even advise them to friends. Wonderzine asked people with experience in psychotherapy about their favorite techniques to help them calm down, focus and make life a little easier.

The heroes of the material share tipsthat have helped them personally and may interest someone else, but they may not necessarily suit everyone. These are just little tricks to make life easier. They will not help for depression or a serious disorder - if you feel you need help, we advise you to see a specialist.

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Lyuba

Safe place

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Before, I didn’t understand how to deal with the unpleasant influence of others. I fell into a stupor when someone raised their voice at me, once even quit my job because of this. Once I cried for four hours because the boss publicly humiliated me.

The psychotherapist shared with me a life hack that helped me a lot. Now, when someone starts yelling at me, I try not to take it personally and separate emotions from personality. I do this with a "safe place". For example, recently at work, the director of a department in which I do not work began to publicly shout at me in open space. As she poured out her emotions, I imagined my imaginary ideal room: a white round bed with a fluffy bedspread, an oak carved door with a barn lock, a blue carpet with yellow ornaments, and a large floor-to-ceiling window. From the window you can hear the water splashing in the fountain. When the screams stopped, I returned to reality and calmly asked: “What, in fact, is the problem?”. It turned out that the director of the department was mistaken herself and thought that I had scheduled the shooting for the wrong date. It wasn't my fault. I told her about it, she immediately calmed down, and then apologized. I was able to continue working. If it were not for a “safe place”, this incident could have unsettled me for a long time.

Anya

Invented joy

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When I went to a psychotherapist, I said that I was constantly sad. Gradually, we found out that I limit myself in everything, forbid myself to engage in creativity or simply enjoyable activities that are optional. I treat myself like a strict adult - to a child who does not deserve fun, but only punishment.

The therapist advised: “Every morning, come up with something to please yourself today. It should be something that gives you joy: eat an eclair, take a walk in a bookstore, leave work early, listen to your favorite song. " When you consciously plan a pleasant thing in the morning, the day goes by more pleasant - you know that something good awaits you.

At first, I often forgot about this advice. But when it became a habit, I noticed that I became much happier. Of course, not every day I can afford to go shopping or to a cafe. But there are many small joys: to drink coffee, slowly, from a beautiful mug, run through the puddles, go to the flower bed and touch the flowers. Previously, I did not notice these little things, but now I began to appreciate them and really enjoy them.

Sasha

Take pity on yourself

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At meetings with a psychotherapist, I constantly scolded myself: for the fact that I do not have time to do anything, for how I look and what I eat, for how I work and think about people. In general, for everything. At some point, the specialist asked: “Can you feel sorry for yourself right now?”. I replied: "This is the only thing I do." Then she invited me to do it out loud, and I began to say something like this: “You didn’t have time to do anything again, so if you had started earlier, then …” or “You should not have done this, and then you would have…” …The therapist said it didn't even feel like trying to feel sorry for yourself. I didn't understand what she meant. She explained that when I talk about other people, I constantly show them compassion, empathy. Why not try to treat yourself the same way? It didn't work out for me: at some point, I just started crying from powerlessness and anger. I did not understand why everyone in my world is worthy of compassion, except me.

The specialist asked me to move from the couch to a small chair and imagine what I see from the side of me a few minutes ago, crying on the couch. She suggested that I try to console myself. This trick seems trivial, but surprisingly it worked.

Now, when I feel that I am falling into a stream of self-abasement, which I cannot stop, I move from my seat to another and imagine what I looked like a minute ago: I was sitting hunched over, rubbing my face, combing my hands. I say to my imaginary myself: “It’s a pity that you are in such a situation. Let's figure out how to get out. Everything will be fine, you were unfair to yourself. " Thanks to this life hack, an island of tranquility appeared in my life.

Margarita

Inner adult

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Once I came to a psychotherapist in a completely overwhelmed state, told him that I did not understand how to solve my problems, I did not have enough support, and I myself could not cope. The specialist asked me to recall some case when I managed to solve something myself. I talked about a situation that happened about six months before. That day I came home, sat in a chair in my winter clothes and thought: everything is so bad that I urgently need to do something about it. I felt very sorry for myself, and I absolutely did not understand what to do and where to start. And for some reason I asked myself: "What if my friend were in my place?" I have such a feature: I can help others, but not always to myself.

As soon as I thought of myself as my friend, everything fell into place: I went to the pharmacy, made an appointment with the doctor in the morning, cooked myself a meal and lay in the bath. It became noticeably easier. The next day I bought a new phone instead of the old one, which had broken down long ago. Two days later I quit.

When I told a psychotherapist about this story, I explained: "It was as if an adult who was a part of me advised me how to be." The specialist asked: "Can you activate this" adult "part of yours when necessary?" It turned out I can. Now, when I have a problem, I speak to the adult within me. For example, I sit, sob and mentally ask: "What are we going to do?" And I answer to myself: "Now we are crying, and then - we will do this and that." This is how we live now, I and the inner adult.

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Ira

Deserves more

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I'm not very confident in myself. For a long time - up to the age of 22 - my relations with young people did not go well, I was afraid of them and did not know how to communicate freely. Then I met a guy with whom I had a very strange relationship: he had a girlfriend, they lived together. But at the same time, we went to the cinema and kissed on the benches. I was uncomfortable, but I could not break this connection, because I was in love.

Then I started going to a psychotherapist to figure out what to do. She gave me an exercise seemingly unrelated to this particular situation. Every time I was not sure of myself, I mentally repeated: "I have low self-esteem." At first it seemed to me that this was ridiculous advice. If I already feel insecure, why also say it to myself? To get even more shy? But I tried it anyway and it worked. Each time, reminding myself that I have low self-esteem, I reminded myself that I am better than I think of myself and deserve more. A day later, I broke off relations with that young man.

Olga

Praise yourself

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Working with a psychotherapist, I realized that I did not know how to praise myself. I was addicted to outside praise. The roots of this story are from childhood.If your parents praised you, you are a good girl. If not praised - probably bad.

Already in adulthood, I unconsciously sought support and praise from other people. At the same time, I did not tell friends and relatives that I have such a need. As a result, I didn’t get what I needed and was disappointed in people. But I was perfectly able to criticize and scold myself in any situation.

The therapist recommended that I seek support within myself. To do this, I introduced a daily ritual - to independently praise yourself for all today's achievements. This should be done in the format of a declaration, without hesitation and question marks. I recite all my achievements and in the habit tracker I note that this point has been completed.

I also try to praise myself in front of friends - this is my next stage of work. I share my achievements and good news with others. I don’t expect a response - I’m so sure that I’m doing well. I used to think that people weren't interested in what was going on with me. From childhood, the attitude that “bragging is not good” has remained. I used to be addicted to other people's praise, but now that this addiction passes, I feel more confident.

Sasha

Close page

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In psychotherapy, I learned to scroll through unpleasant posts and threads on the Internet. Sounds as if there is nothing difficult here. We all know the rule: "If you don't like it, don't read it." But in practice it is not so easy.

At work, I often come across difficult stories: I write a lot about domestic violence, violation of women's rights, discrimination and social inequality. Unfortunately, there is still no consensus on these issues in society. Everyone knows how people in Russia treat, for example, victims of domestic violence. It is very easy to stumble upon discussions online where people argue that a woman who has been a victim of violence is her own fault, or that inequality does not exist, and women make up problems for themselves. Earlier, having stumbled upon such a thread, I could read it for a long time - as if I was being sucked into a funnel of negativity. Emerging from it, I felt empty and upset. I tried to prevent myself from reading unpleasant discussions and comments, but it did not help. As soon as you forbid yourself, you immediately start to get nervous: what if I miss something important. I would like to climb in and see what they wrote there.

The psychotherapist helped me cope. She suggested not to impose prohibitions, but to proceed from taking care of yourself. Before getting into the discussion, ask yourself the question: do I have the strength to read this? Maybe I better take care of myself and close the page right now while I can still do this? It turned out to be easier to treat yourself kindly than to forbid. I have seen fewer angry comments, and now I have more energy to deal with problems, rather than just read about them.

Dasha

Stop

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I went to several psychotherapists, and now I have some good life hacks that I recommend to friends. The first is to develop the Stop skill. In English, this is an acronym: STOP - Stop, take a step back, observe and proceed mindfully. Stop, take a step back, observe, and continue to act with awareness.

I am an impulsive person, I often act or say something in my hearts, and then I regret it. The problem is that I don't give myself time to think about what I really want to say to the person, why I want to yell at them. After learning about the Stop skill, I tried to practice it every day. This can be done at any time. I remembered that I had to practice - I stopped, took a step back. You can even leave the premises. Next, you need to observe yourself, note what is happening around you, what objects are nearby. It helps you to emerge from the maelstrom of your emotions and anxiety and be in the present moment. Then you can continue to do your own thing more consciously. The first time I practiced it, I felt stupid, but then I saw the result.I still use Stop - I think this exercise can help a lot too.

I learned another life hack when, in my university years, I decided to throw a party and invited a lot of different people. I was worried that no one would come. The psychotherapist asked: "How do you see the best scenario for the development of events?" I replied: "Everyone will come, everyone will have fun, everyone will be grateful to me for being there and for having a party." She continued, "What's the worst case?" I said: "Nobody will come, I will sit alone and be sad." The specialist explained to me: most likely, none of these extremes will happen. The most likely option is something in between. That is, guests will come, but not all. Someone will have fun, while others will not. In the end, it happened.

Now that I’m worried that I’m about to fail completely, I try to paint myself the best scenario and the worst. When I already imagine what they will be, I know how I will act, and it becomes not so scary. I also remind myself, most likely, something between the worst and the best will happen. The expectation of something terrible is usually much worse than what actually happens. If you go through all the options in your head in advance, you become ready for anything.

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Olga

Do not compare yourself with others

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I went to several psychoanalysts and they taught me very common, basic things. Ideally, this should be taught by the family, but, unfortunately, many of us, she did not teach all this. Here's my shortlist:

The first is not to compare yourself to other people. Neither outwardly, nor in intelligence, nor in talents. You should only compare with yourself from the past. At the session, having received this advice, I was seething: “Come on! Everyone compares! “. They explained to me: no, not all. There are a lot of people around who went through the stage of comparing themselves with others in childhood. We just don't know anything about these people, because they don't say anything about it. Comparing yourself to someone else is exhausting, humiliating, and unproductive. Now I periodically remind myself: respect for myself and for others is much more valuable than satisfied pride or deep despair, into which you can plunge if you compare yourself with someone.

Another knowledge: impulsive actions are actions that I will regret. If you have a strong urge to say or do something, try to do it in a few hours. Better yet, tomorrow. This is the advice I try my best to follow. It doesn't always work out.

Third: you are more than your feelings and emotions. When I feel bad and hard, when I cannot cope with causeless anxiety and mood swings, I remember the words of the analyst: "Imagine that your house was in a hurricane." The whirlwinds of our mood are not the essence of our personality. There is my house somewhere inside. Bad weather is raging outside the window, and in this house there is the real me. You just need to wait out the bad weather.

Julia

White wardrobe

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It is very important for me to always be in control of the situation. If I have any problems, but I can solve them on my own, I am able to stay sober and act. But if something went wrong, and it does not depend on me, this is a disaster. Helplessness infuriates me, as if a funnel of despair appears inside, and I rush along it swiftly into the abyss. I am nervous, I suffer, I can even go on to self-destructive actions: light a cigarette or drink too much. Thus, I do not improve the situation in any way, but I spend a lot of energy and nerves.

Once my psychotherapist said: “Yulia, look, I have a white cabinet in my office. Let's pretend he pisses me off. I just can't see him. But according to the rules of this clinic, he cannot be removed from the office. And the office cannot be changed either. All in all, this cabinet is not going anywhere. I can waste time and energy trying to incinerate the closet with a glance. Or I can try to accept what he is. Maybe I can change my attitude towards him. It is unlikely that I will like him, but maybe it will turn out to treat him neutrally.Or maybe I can just make the closet have minimal impact on my life and work. " This comparison was very funny, and therefore engraved in my memory. Now, when something happens that I cannot change, I say to myself: "This is just a closet." First, it gets funny. Second, it really helps to let go of the situation.

Christina

Tell me about your feelings

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Once I came to a psychotherapist with my love drama: “He does not love me, but I am suffering. He does not necessarily refer to our meetings, ignores … “. The therapist listened to me for a long time, and then suggested: "Do you want to tell the young man about all these emotions?" I did just that: I wrote down a huge message to the guy. He replied that from his side everything looks quite the opposite, and it seemed to him that I began to treat our relationship differently.

Until you tell the person about your emotions, he will not guess about them. And you cannot know how the other person feels until he tells you. Before, I often did not dare to have a frank conversation: I preferred to guess what was in a person's head, I often deceived myself. But now I try to tell my interlocutors about my emotions and feelings whenever possible. If my own thoughts and feelings seem stupid to me, then I am honest about this. The understatements have become much less.

Photos: guguart - stock.adobe.com (1, 2, 3)

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