Meeting a guy's parents is an important and inevitable event in the life of almost every girl. How not to hit your face in the dirt and make a good impression - this will be discussed in the article. The first acquaintance with the parents of a guy or, even more so, a groom is a very responsible and even to some extent fateful moment. And even the relationship between young people may well depend on how the meeting goes, not to mention the subsequent communication with the parents. And like any important event, it requires preparation.
Preparing to meet your boyfriend's parents
Most likely, most girls immediately have thoughts in their heads about a new outfit, the need to do a manicure and pedicure, and also to run in to get a haircut, and so on. However, there are things that are much more important than a stunning appearance. Moreover, parents are grated rolls, and you cannot charm them with gorgeous eyelashes. Something else is required here.
Collecting information before meeting with the boyfriend's parents
In order for the communication to go smoothly and without stress, the girl should know some of the information in advance:
- Parents' names … They are very important, because you will need to somehow address people. And don't rely on a guy when you meet. He may not introduce the parents by name and patronymic, but simply call them "dad and mom." Therefore, it is better to know that it will definitely not be superfluous. Please note that at the first meeting it was recommended to focus on the name-patronymic option, and not “Aunt Masha and Uncle Sasha”. This style of address is appropriate for closer communication. If the parents want to be called that, they themselves will propose.
- Occupation … Moreover, we are talking not only about the profession, but also about a hobby. This will give an additional key to the common language, topics for communication. Of course, you need to inquire in advance about the peculiarities of these activities, at least in general terms.
- The nuances of communication … It is very important to get information about the traditions of the family, its manner of meeting guests, and the peculiarities of behavior at the table. Perhaps a family of aristocrats, and the girl will be offered several options for forks. It is important not to get confused. Or relatives like to talk about painting, poets. In this case, it is worthwhile to look through the information about them in advance, so as not to "fall face down in the mud."
- Taboo topics … Also learn about taboo topics that you should avoid discussing. This will help prevent possible misunderstandings and embarrassing situations at least during the first meeting. For example, religion, past, politics.
- Flattery, compliments and criticism … There should be a measure in everything. And compliments should be given in doses, otherwise it will be perceived as outright flattery, which rarely pleases anyone. It is better to refuse criticism altogether. If you really don't like something in principle, you want to say about it, then you should be extremely delicate in choosing your words.
People are so psychologically arranged, and the traditions of modern society have developed in such a way that everyone is waiting and loving gifts. This leads to another important stage of preparation for the meeting.
What to give when meeting a guy's parents
The best way to answer this question is from the end. It is not necessary to give gifts at the first meeting, but it is worth it. Such a gesture will not be superfluous. However, it is very important to decide what to give to parents when they meet.
The following will be relevant:
- Thematic gifts … Information about the activities and hobbies of the boy's father and mother will help to choose them. It will be possible to decide at least on the subject of the presentations. True, it may turn out that the girl will not be able to afford it. But in this case, do not despair.
- General plan … It is worth following the common rules on how to give gifts at the first meeting to unfamiliar (and they are not yet friends or relatives) people. For example, giving the boy's mother cosmetic products in most cases will be perceived as a hint of age and problems with appearance (this is still a woman). Plus, things like perfume and cosmetics are very individual. Not every loved one succeeds in guessing the first time. Likewise, underwear and clothes will be inappropriate.
- Neutral gift … This is ideal, without ambiguity. Also, don’t give too expensive gifts. On the one hand, it can make the parents feel indebted, uncomfortable. Worst of all, if they give it up. On the other hand, in the future you will have to keep the brand, so to speak, or even give something even more expensive. If a girl is engaged in needlework, then you can hand over something made with her own hands. Especially if the receiving party themselves are not alien to creativity.
However, do not forget that excessive originality will also be inappropriate. And this applies not only to gifts, but also to clothes, the choice of which must be taken very seriously.
What to wear to meet a guy's parents
As you know, in most cases, the first impression about a person is formed precisely by his appearance. This is how our society is arranged that they are judged initially by their clothes. It is clear that almost every woman loves to show off her outfit, but in this case, you should still take into account some points:
- Meeting a boyfriend's parents is not a romantic date.… There is no purpose here to seduce all the men present and make the ladies bite their nails in frustration. In addition, parents of the second half want to see a potential caring wife next to their son, and not a seductive mistress of the night. So, all sexy outfits are best left in the closet. Moreover, they can embarrass the father of a guy who is not only a parent, but primarily a man, and often, as they say, is still strong and in his prime.
- A strict business suit is an inappropriate outfit for dating … These are not business negotiations, but, sort of, a bride, during which the atmosphere should be comfortable, not strict. In addition, he will certainly restrain movement, especially if the meeting takes place somewhere in nature.
- The optimal outfit for meeting parents … It is best to choose clothes that are comfortable and appropriate for the moment. Naturally tasteful. There is no need to put on a lot of any tinsel or show informal originality, even if in everyday life a girl dresses in a “hippie” style. A beautiful, not too revealing dress, jeans or trousers with a T-shirt or sweater, depending on the season, will be quite optimal. It is very useful to take into account the preferences of the boyfriend's mom. After all, if she is biased towards women in trousers, then, for example, jeans may well become a significant disadvantage in the overall assessment. And this is another point that should be clarified with the guy before going to the bride.
Do not be afraid to spend a few hours in an outfit that you may not really like, but will be approved by your potential future relatives. The bride in this case is the same policy that requires a certain amount of flexibility. Especially if the guy brought the girl to visit his parents. In addition to clothing, you also need to choose the right line of behavior.
Features of behavior while meeting a guy's parents
As already mentioned, the result of the first meeting can determine not only the further attitude towards the chosen one of the son, but also the fate of the young couple. Especially if the father and mother have a certain power over their own child and try to arrange his life in their own way. However, in this case, it is worth considering whether a girl needs such a gentleman who cannot independently make decisions about her life. In principle, any such meeting can be divided into three parts: the first acquaintance, the main part (as a rule, these are conversations at the table) and the final part (that is, the moment when it is time to leave, and the farewell itself).
Behavior at the moment of the first meeting with the boy's parents
The first minutes of the meeting are quite exciting and stressful for most people. And here it is important to remember the generally accepted rules of etiquette. One way or another, it is observed even in ordinary working families, especially among people born in the 70s and 80s of the twentieth century.
Consider how to behave when meeting your parents:
- By all the rules of etiquette, the younger one is always the first to greet. However, the older one extends his hand first. Of course, you shouldn't go forward with hugs and kisses. Only in response will light friendly hugs be appropriate. And if they were not there, then the catastrophe has not happened yet, there is no need to panic.
- The younger ones should always introduce themselves (or are introduced) first. In this case, the guy introduces the girl first, calls her name and his parents. For example, like this: “Mom, this is Katya. Katya, this is my mother - Varvara Petrovna. " If a guy suddenly forgot to give the name and patronymic of his mother, but the girl knows him in advance (this was mentioned at the beginning of the article), you should not demonstrate your awareness. Better to ask her (or her father's) name. And in further communication, address this way. There is no need to worry and be complex about the fact that acquaintance with parents will look prim. This is the first moment of the meeting, it will always have a touch of formality. This is totally normal.
- We behave correctly with shoes. At the entrance, it is worth taking it off, unless the opposite is accepted in the guy's house (which is hardly in our country). You should not demand (ask for) slippers. The hostess decides for herself whether to give them or not. And if they are nevertheless offered, then it is also impossible to refuse. You need to put your shoes where the guy's relatives are. In no case should you stomp in them beyond the rug, if there is one. This can anger the hostess and make the girl look like a slob.
- After greetings, the hosts usually offer to go, for example, into the living room. Already there, interest in decoration should be modest. You should not run to look at photographs on the walls or figurines in the sideboard. Mild interest can be expressed. If the owners deem it necessary, they themselves will show everything, let you consider it, or offer to do it on their own.
As a rule, in our society, most of the dating and communication takes place at the table. Therefore, it will be useful to refresh your knowledge of etiquette in this area as well. But the main test is table conversation.
Table behavior when dealing with a guy's parents
For every housewife, the kitchen is her kingdom. And cooking is a source of pride and one of the indicators of thrift. And often conflicts arise precisely on this basis.
To prevent this from happening, it is enough to follow some tips:
- On the first day of meeting a girl, it is better not to rush to help cook. The kitchen is sacred. No wonder they say that two housewives in the same kitchen do not get along. The guy's mom can purely reflexively perceive the appearance of an outsider woman (girl) here as an act of aggression. It's another matter if she herself asks for help.
- Comparison with someone is prohibited. In no case should you say that "my mother does this way." For the reasons stated above, these words can be misunderstood (and most likely will) be misunderstood. The same applies to comparisons with famous chefs, dishes from a cafe. The person tried, be able to show a sense of tact, even if not everything worked out "excellently" or somewhere it was tastier.
- Moderation not only in words, but also in appetite. Even if the girl did not eat anything before meeting the parents of her chosen one, it is impossible to pounce on food. Be mindful of manners. On the other hand, if you do not feel like eating, then it is also impolite to refuse the treat. You need to try at least a little.
- A small compliment will delight a potential mother-in-law. Praising the hostess's dishes should also be rather restrained, but at the same time sincere. Unnatural praise will arouse suspicion or be perceived as a desire to flatter.
- You should also be careful with alcoholic beverages. Even if it is a light wine, the girl should drink a little. Alcohol will have a stronger effect on the body due to unrest. And ending the evening of dating drunk is not a good idea.
- Learn about family etiquette. In advance, it is worth asking the guy about what kind of cutlery they use in his family, and prepare accordingly.
Well, of course, you can't abuse the hospitality of the hosts and stay up late at the table. The first meeting should not take too long, and therefore it is important to choose the moment and say goodbye in time. In order for her to leave a pleasant impression after the guest leaves, it is worth following other proven wisdom.
Communication rules when meeting a guy's parents
Every girl should be prepared for the fact that at the first meeting, questions about herself, as well as about her family, so to speak, will be the main course. And this is absolutely normal, because the father and mother must form an impression about the chosen one of their son, know what she herself is doing, her parents, in order to at least sleep peacefully.
However, if a question is tactless, you should politely evade the answer. And the best solution would be to ask the guy in advance to discuss with the parents the topics that should not be touched upon in the conversation. When meeting the parents, the questions will be different, sometimes with a joke or of an intimate nature. Answer them with confidence and clarity. To do this, it does not hurt to rehearse the answer options at home in advance.
Here are some tips to help keep your conversation flowing and avoid awkward and sometimes scandalous situations:
- It is not worth discussing matters of religion and politics. In our turbulent times, these topics, even between well-known people, can cause conflict, not to mention the first meeting.
- It is recommended to refrain from youth slang. Yes, and from jargon in general, despite the fact that thieves romance is very actively sung in our country.
- In no case should you get into an argument. Even if the elders themselves try to draw the youth into them. This rarely results in anything good between strangers. Better to just agree or gently change the subject.
- It is better to forget the expression like "and my mom" altogether. And comparing your mom's cooking to that of the hostess can lead to disaster!
By the way, the assessment of culinary abilities, and indeed the behavior at the table, require special attention.
Useful tips when meeting a boyfriend's parents
If you adopt tried and tested advice, meeting and communication will be much more likely to end in a positive outcome.
There are not so many tricks, they complement everything that has already been said:
- It is not recommended to hug and kiss on the lips with your boyfriend during the first meeting with his parents. Also, do not call him "mine", give affectionate nicknames (bunny, cat, pushechka, etc.).
- Demonstrating your leadership in a relationship should be strongly avoided. Even if this is so, and the guy, as they say, is henpecked. His mother raised him this way, but she will not tolerate such an attitude towards her "blood".
- Lies must be avoided. Cheating is not the best start for any relationship.
- You should not pretend to be an experienced hostess. You can't get a guy's mother with that. She still considers herself to be much more experienced. Such behavior will only provoke conflict. You can just offer your help when setting the table, for example, but do it subtly. When meeting with parents, it is also better to leave tips on serving, serving dishes with you.
- Trying to please in everything is not the best line of behavior. Explicit sycophancy will backfire. Naturalness and independence without aggression is a normal option for communication. Any parents want to find a caring wife and mistress for their son in the house of the future family.
- Constantly glancing at your watch or your mobile phone is a very bad move. Going to such an important meeting, the girl had to free up time in advance and postpone all business. The phone should be turned off altogether for the duration of the conversation.
- A stopover in a foreign city. Another important piece of advice, which applies more to a guy: if a girl comes to meet, then you need to decide in advance where she will spend the night. Perhaps parents will not mind young people sleeping in the same room. But if they hold different views, you should take this into account and consider all options in advance.
Of course, it is impossible to foresee all possible situations and give advice regarding each. Nevertheless, all of the above will be a good help for any girl while meeting her parents.
How to behave when meeting a guy's parents - watch the video:
Going to the first meeting in her life with the parents of her chosen one, the girl must understand that she will be evaluated. And her future may depend on this assessment. Therefore, you need to prepare in advance: ask the guy about his mother and father, choose clothes for the meeting, remember the rules of etiquette, and so on. Behavior should be natural and moderately liberated. And sincerity and benevolence during communication will doom the whole meeting to success.
