What is separation, stages and types. How and at what age does the process of separation of a child from parents take place? It's important to know! Psychological separation from parents is not a simple sequential change of stages in a child's development, regulated by his psychophysical data. This process should be controlled by the parents. If they have not coped with such their parental "burden", a bleak old age awaits them.
Staged separation problems
The problem of child separation depends on the family. The father is busy with work and is not able to devote enough time to the children. And here is the big role of the mother. If she is not crushed by family and her personal problems, for example, poor health, the upbringing of children will go well. Having matured, they will leave their parents without great difficulties and begin to live an independent life.
The reasons for unsuccessful separation are varied. At all stages of growing up and developing a child, they can be as follows:
- Difficult childbirth … When, after the birth of a child, a woman has postpartum psychosis or depression. Such a severe mental condition is accompanied by inappropriate behavior. A young mother is indifferent to the child, or she has an unnatural anxiety that everything is bad with him. And she cannot do anything, she is afraid to take responsibility for his life. He can even leave the baby in the hospital. In this case, psychologists talk about a violation of the attachment (attachment to the child). It is quite natural that when such a woman still brings up a child, his mental development will not be complete. This will definitely affect the separation process. She will not be successful. Becoming an adult, such a child will not be able to adapt to adult life, he will remain infantile, childish traits and behavior.
- Infant, toddler age … When the child starts to walk. The mother constantly watches over him, tries to tie him to herself. This is accompanied by constant shouts so that he behaves more carefully, does not enter, for example, into a puddle or does not go where it is not necessary. At this stage, there is a complete merging (confluence) of mother and child. But this cannot go on for long. The child learns the world, everything is interesting to him, he is capricious and does not understand why he hears continuous prohibitions. And here the main thing is not to overdo it with your vetoes. You need to know where it is necessary to give the child independence, so that he feels his full value and grows up as a defective person. In this case, the separation will be successful and will not cause any complaints in the future.
- Kindergarten and elementary school … The child learns more and more about the world around him. The authority of the father and mother is not always enough to sensibly explain everything that happens around him. The departure from parents is increasing more and more. And they are afraid of losing control over the child. Prohibitions begin. Like, do not do this or that, do not do this and that. However, this no longer works. The child is capricious, but since psychologically still fully depends on the elders, in the end it calms down. And it's good if the elders are able to explain to the baby all the complexities of relationships between people, and he will understand this. Then the separation process will not become painful, and unnatural alienation will not grow in the family between adults and children.
- Adolescence … This is the time of puberty (puberty) when appearance, behavior and interests change. Teenagers are already living their spiritual life independent of their parents, but they continue to be materially dependent on them. Elders need to be attentive to the requests and behavior of their children. It was at this time that the most intense separation process begins: children are increasingly picky about the opinion of the “old people” and often disagree with it. And they do not even admit the idea that children may think differently. Internal spiritual isolation occurs. Let's say a guy or a girl wants to spend more time with his friends, but mom and dad forbid. Like, you need to study, otherwise you will grow up ignorant. But there are problems that lead to a serious conflict between "fathers and children". For example, a son, still not really standing on his feet, wants to get married, but father and mother do not like the bride. They are against the wedding. On this basis, a serious quarrel develops into an open alienation of the adolescent from his "relatives". In addition, an unfavorable separation process may consist in an indecisive nature, self-doubt, for example, of a mother. Or she suffers from a feeling of unfulfillment, that nothing in her life has worked out for her. She transfers all her negative emotions to the child, which does not contribute to his full development and successful entry into a new adult life.
It's important to know! Each age of separation from parents is of great importance. At any stage it is impossible to frighten a child (teenager) with horror stories "on a global scale" that without the help of his parents he will not be able to solve his problems. Such an exaggeration of external danger is a guarantee that the child will grow up timid, his maturation will slow down. And this is the unsuccessful separation from the parents.
Results of positive separation from parents
If the separation from the parents is successful, this has a positive effect on the child. He learns to restrain his emotions, which is important in relationships between people. And he realizes his place in the world. After all, each person is a universe, and it is good when a person is unique, stands out for his personal qualities, which help to successfully build his life.
The positive side of separation from parents lies in the following factors:
- Becoming your "I" … By the age of majority, the child has completely formed his own attitude to the surrounding reality, understands his place in the world. The teenager has become independent, the emotional connection with his parents is so weakened (quite naturally) that it does not interfere with starting an independent life.
- Reasonable parental care kept you from doing bad things … Reasonable relations with parents (it depends primarily on them) helped to avoid problems that exist in families where natural separation is disturbed and children “get out of hand” - they do not obey their elders at all. Such guys are often sucked in by the street, they get into a bad company, become alcoholics, drug addicts and drug addicts. Girls can go into prostitution, they often have early childbirth.
- Premature marriages are excluded … The child grows up, family ties are weakening, but the teenager realizes that even great love is not a reason to start a family prematurely, since he has not yet become completely independent, independent. First you need to stand firmly on your feet, for example, finish your studies and get a job, so as not to sit with your young wife on the neck of your ancestors.
- Well-formed life goals … Father and mother, raising children, teach them to "grow up" according to their age, gradually accustoming them to independent thinking and behavior. For example, at a young age to dress by yourself, and in adolescence - to help with the housework and, if necessary, prepare food. Encourage the child to show interest in, say, sports. They instruct that you need to set a meaningful life goal for yourself, achieving it with persistent, methodical work on yourself, avoiding emotional breakdowns, which will only complicate your life.
It's important to know! The gradual psychological withdrawal of the child from the family does not mean at all that in the future he will not have any problems. It may well even be. Correct separation helps children to stand firmly on their feet, to prepare for their further life apart from their parents. What is separation - watch the video:
Separation is an objective life process. Socialization of the individual is simply impossible without the psychological separation of children from their parents. When a child grows up successfully, he fully masters the rules, norms, knowledge and skills that help him successfully integrate among people. If the separation is unsuccessful, the child will not take place as a significant person for society. The payback for this will fall on the shoulders of the father and mother. And this is old age, devoid of quiet warm colors, anxiety and anxiety that a son or daughter have become losers in their adult life.
