Children's manipulations and the reasons for their occurrence. The article will focus on how to block such a phenomenon without harming the psychological state of the child. Child manipulation is a factor that is quite common among the younger generation. Little rebels and provocateurs often try to play on the feelings of their parents, which subsequently brings a lot of problems to both sides. It is necessary to find out for yourself the reason for this phenomenon, as well as to understand the possibility of correcting this factor.
Reasons for the development of child manipulation
Always and in everything it is necessary to look for the reason before starting the struggle with the unknown. Experts recommend paying attention to the following reasons that make the behavior of children in relation to their parents inappropriate:
- Lack of attention … Any person likes custody and care from loved ones, if it is not about natural-born phlegmatic people with a tendency to solitude. If the child does not see interest in his personality, then he begins to manipulate adults. At best, he simply exaggerates his problems in conversation with his parents, but everything can end in a more deplorable result in the form of a threat of suicide and its further commission.
- The prevailing stereotype … It all starts with banal things when mom asks to eat a spoonful of porridge for dad. Consequently, a peculiar model of the baby's behavior is formed, in which he does what his parents want exclusively through a certain factor - a stimulant. Without this, the future manipulator will simply refuse to perform the following actions, to which his father and mother are pushing him.
- Child with neuroses … Not all children constantly obey their parents and at the same time smile radiantly. Most likely, this is an exception to the rule, rather than a confirmation. The feeling of abandonment, anxiety for any reason can develop in a child such a phenomenon as childish manipulation. In this case, a small victim of circumstances is ready to do anything to attract the attention of people close to him. The unformed psyche of a child with neurosis is able to work miracles with his behavior, but at the same time everything that happens has an exclusively negative potential.
- Adult pressure … Mozart, who began his musical career at a very young age, can move parents to the same orientation in relation to their child. If their beloved child in some way does not cope with the burden placed on him, then they violently react to this in a very negative way. The child begins to be so afraid of punishment for the inability to be perfect that he simply begins to manipulate his parents with invented diseases and ailments.
- Imitation of adults … Very often, children adopt the behavior model of their parents, which is far from ideal. Sometimes adults set conditions for their child in the form of consent to purchase something for him or by allowing something in exchange for obedience. This is reminiscent of the blackmail that an unformed little person takes literally, seeing this in the relationship between dad and mom. Consequently, the child clearly learns the lesson presented from the parents and then begins to manipulate them.
- Support for grandparents … It is no secret that the little provocateur begins to play with the feelings of the parents, relying on the approval of the older generation of the family. At the same time, compassionate grandparents blame their children for the cruel, in their opinion, attitude towards their adored grandchildren. The child, observing the situation that has arisen, begins to understand how to get the maximum benefit for himself from what is happening.
The voiced reasons for the manipulation of the little tyrant make adults think about the legality of their actions in relation to raising a child. However, you should not follow the lead of childish aggression, because a callous person with claims to the whole world can grow out of an adorable baby in the future.
Basic forms of child manipulation
In some cases, it is important to understand for yourself when a child is engaged in outright blackmail, and when his actions are of a completely different nature. Psychologists see child manipulation by parents as follows:
- Asking another family member … In this case, the child, in case of refusal, turns to the adult who will fulfill any of his wishes. The scheme is worked out clearly and never fails, because there is a game of good and bad cop.
- Injection to emotions … Children easily figure out many of our actions, which are often cyclical. They can start manipulating when the parent, after an outburst of anger (often very justified), gives the offended child a piece of candy. Over and over again, the little cunning uses this situation, knowing about revenge after being punished in the form of the pleasures of life received.
- Poaching … We are all not without sin, which the manipulative child plays quite effectively. Having found a weak point in his parents, he presents valuable information to those who will not like this behavior of a family member. After a scandal has arisen, children get what they want for the information provided, which very soon becomes a habit.
- Blackmail … After sneaking, the child can resort to the sounded method of manipulation. The most desirable phrase for him will be a request to dad-mom (the list is endless) not to talk about the action performed. Children quickly adapt in this case, benefiting from the spinelessness of adults.
- Manipulation of life situation … Very often this applies to adoptive parents or a new family member. The little usurper is firm in his position that his own father or mother would not have done this in relation to him. We can say that such a technique is trouble-free if adults are afraid of losing the trust of their beloved child.
- Intimidation method … Some children try to achieve what they want in the most incredible ways. They manipulate their parents by giving them ultimatums for any reason. On refusal, a child with such a model of behavior is hysterical and aggressive. To some extent, this resembles some kind of revenge on the part of manipulative children, to which parents sometimes do not know how to react.
- The extortion method … Nobody likes to look ridiculous in front of a large number of people, which is a natural human reaction to an uncomfortable situation. The little manipulator realizes this pretty quickly, throwing tantrums in public places in order to get what he wants. Some parents find it easier to buy a toy or candy they like for their child than to experience an unpleasant public scene.
Note! In all these cases, the young provocateur is not an inveterate manipulator. Claims should be made rather to adults who are looking for easy ways when raising their offspring. Not wanting a conflict situation, they follow the whims of their children, endangering their future.
Methods for dealing with child manipulation
Children-manipulators are, first of all, the problem of parents who allow such actions on the part of little aggressors. However, all patience comes to an end, so experts have developed recommendations on how to resist childish manipulations.
Tips for Parents to Deal with Child Manipulation
Parents are parents, so it is often difficult for them not to yield to their beloved child. When they begin to understand that everything has gone too far, and the child has become uncontrollable, it is worth taking the following actions:
- Ignoring provocations … In this case, we are not talking about complete indifference to your little blackmailer, but about a sound approach to the problem that has arisen. It is necessary to react to tantrums in cold blood, without falling into retaliatory aggression. A calm parent is an emotionally healthy child, which has been proven not only by psychology, but also by the life experience of many people.
- Personal example … It is difficult to bring up some qualities in a child, if at the same time they are violated by the adults themselves. It is necessary to clearly show the children what is good and what is bad. Without this, all attempts to get rid of manipulation by the little usurper will end in complete failure.
- Refusal to compare … You cannot expect adequate actions from a child if he is constantly compared with someone in a negative way. Maybe a neighbor's boy or girl behaves perfectly in public, but it is not a fact that their parents have no problems with them in the family circle. Such systematic humiliation can cause childish manipulation as a factor in self-defense and the search for love of loved ones.
- Suppression of hysterics … In this case, the child will be capricious for a maximum of five minutes, because his unformed personality will not withstand the wise arguments of adults. The child wants to go for a walk, and it is raining outside, which does not seem to him a good reason to refuse fun leisure. Adults should be strict in this case, because once they succumb to a stupid whim, they will regret it for life.
- Serious conversation with the older generation of the family … A little prankster can skillfully manipulate his grandparents, talking about his exclusivity and oppression from his parents. Many elderly people actively respond to these sentimental stories, while taking pity on their provocateur grandson. Consequently, the whole family needs to sit down at a kind of negotiating table in order to solve the problem that has arisen with the double standards of raising a child.
- Refusal to lie … Very often we ask ourselves what are children's manipulations and how to deal with them. At the same time, crafts and homework are done for the child, which is argued by a courageous act and a manifestation of parental care. The result is always deplorable, because the young tomboy turns into a cold-blooded manipulator of his parents in the future.
Tips for educators in the fight against child manipulation
People who are involved in the upbringing and training of the younger generation should be most careful in their actions. Therefore, they must adhere to these golden rules in the case of child manipulation:
- Excerpt … The teacher is a vocation, not a profession. Therefore, it is necessary to wisely assess the conflict that has arisen. A negligent pupil may flatly refuse to carry out the task or the assignment entrusted to him. At the same time, it is necessary to keep yourself in hand so that an outbreak of aggression does not aggravate the situation. Children's manipulation can quickly pass if the teacher shows composure and restraint.
- Analysis of the ward's requirements … The child does not always want the unreasonable, so you should understand the causes of the problem. There is a real possibility that the manipulation of children is an elementary hidden protest against the oppression of their rights. The problem must be solved at the root, so that the child's whim does not develop into outright aggression towards everyone around.
- Encouragement … The little troublemaker may be surprised by the teacher's unusual demeanor. By forbidding one thing, a wise person who has been entrusted with raising children can permit another. At the same time, the young manipulator switches his attention to another object, thereby automatically ending the incipient conflict.
Rules for the prevention of child manipulation
Any misfortune can, if desired, be prevented when it comes to raising children. At the same time, psychologists advise parents to resort to such measures to prevent manipulation by their sons and daughters:
- Rationale for the prohibition … Not a single child wants to be rowdy if he knows in advance about the illogicality of his actions. Adults should clearly indicate the limitations of some actions, while explaining everything to children calmly and easily.
- Balance of prohibitions and permissions … The younger generation clearly understands when their rights are violated. You cannot allow literally everything to your offspring, but even without well-deserved encouragement, there is a risk of manipulation of the child by the parents.
- Defining responsibilities … A small family member should clearly know what he should do. By example, parents will show that what is requested is the norm for everyone who lives in the house.
- Joint leisure … Nehochukha will have no time to make insidious plans about his parents if they spend their free time with him. Very often, manipulation is a silent cry of a child who gets the attention of people close to him.
- Consistency in requirements … If adults purposefully say that this cannot be done, then the child may lose interest in getting what he wants. This method works if you make a clear system out of it.
How to deal with child manipulation - watch the video:
Child manipulation is an alarm signal for both parents and teachers who are faced with this problem due to their professional activities. It is very dangerous to close our eyes to what is happening, because children grow up, and then it will be too late to fix something. A funny kid can become an experienced manipulator in the future, which will negatively affect his future fate.
