A woman's initiative in relation to a man - is it needed? What makes the lady take matters into her own hands. The attitude of men to women's activity. How to show your sympathy correctly and when you shouldn't. Women's initiative is more a response to male indecision than a manifestation of emancipation. This is how a woman interprets her behavior, since not all princes dare to take the first step. And it so happens that they just do not want to do it. Therefore, it is very important to know whether the initiative on the part of the girl will be appropriate and decent.
The reasons for the passivity of a man
There are representatives of the fair sex who do not ask themselves the question of how the chosen "object" will perceive their activity. They just act. However, most women are still focused on gender stereotypes, one of which says that the initiative in relationships is the prerogative of a man.
He is a protector, a breadwinner, a conqueror. He chooses, achieves and reserves the right to decide how long the relationship will be. However, either women are in a hurry to live, or men do not seek to change their usual way of life, but decisive actions on the part of the latter sometimes have to wait for a long time. And there can be many reasons for this.
The most common reasons for men's lack of initiative in relationships:
- Timidity … Indecision, self-doubt is one of the highest barriers in front of a man on the way to a woman he likes. These feelings literally paralyze him, especially near the object of passion.
- Circumstances … As an obstacle on the way to joint happiness on the part of a man, his personal attitudes (difference in age, social status, financial situation), national and racial characteristics and restrictions can also act. In many companies, firms and organizations, office romances are discouraged, which can also inhibit male activity.
- Fear of failure … Previous failures in relationships can significantly temper the ardor of even the most active representative of the stronger sex. Disappointment in women can change a man's behavior in two ways: either block his desire to start a new relationship, or change the vector towards fickle relationships.
- Loss of interest … The reason that the man does not show interest in you may be that this very interest has disappeared from him. This can be the result of stagnation in a relationship, loss of feelings, meeting another woman. The worst option is a sharp cooling of the relationship after the man got his. Especially if the initiator of the relationship was a woman.
- Gender stereotype … Adherents of masculinity in relationships categorically do not accept the activity of women. Therefore, one of the possible reactions to a woman's attempts to build a relationship with him on her own may be ignoring. Or a complete loss of interest, even if he was before the woman's first steps - after all, she stole from him the chance to do everything himself.
- No contact … If the man you like is quite active, successful and self-confident, but does not show interest in you, most likely you did not touch the string in him that would make him act.
- Infantilism … Passivity in relationships with the opposite sex is a natural behavior of men who, from childhood, live and make all decisions under the strict control of female family members. They cannot do otherwise.
- Abundance of offers … The modern man is really spoiled by the number of beautiful free women who are eager to get married. The statistics, once voiced in a famous song, have long been out of date: today, for 9 unmarried men, there are no longer 10, but 45-55 unmarried women. Ready for almost anything to arrange their personal life. This relaxes the "grooms" - the "brides" will do everything themselves.
In addition, male lack of initiative can be explained by a simple unwillingness to start a serious relationship and get married. There is a category of men for whom loneliness is a comfortable life state, which they do not allow to invade. Or they are allowed, but on their own terms.
Features of the attitude of men to women's initiative
All men are different. Therefore, the initiative of a woman in a relationship is perceived by them in different ways. They can even be categorized into several types.
The main types of men in relation to the initiative from a woman:
- Businessmen … He has everything planned for several months in advance, there is a lot of things to do, and his head is busy with business plans, projects, problems and meetings. Therefore, the tactics of "working" with him must be chosen appropriately - direct and clear. Decided to take the first step - make an appointment with the exact time and exact address. In this case, coquetry and other female "tricks" have little chance - he may simply not notice them.
- Master … A man of this structure a priori does not accept women's initiative. His whole life is a set of rules. Its rules. He decides everything himself. Therefore, attempts to directly influence his feelings and decisions are initially unsuccessful. But if you dream of just such a firm shoulder, try to take it with simple everyday joys, which, by the way, he really appreciates. It can be unobtrusive concern, interest in his life, delicious simple food, and hints of how much you love home comfort and family values. And no hint of a career, independence and self-sufficiency.
- Romantic nature … One of the most difficult types, since the romantic principles of courtship presuppose the initiative exclusively from the man: flowers, gifts, dates and original declarations of love. In this case, your active position can be veiled in friendly (friendly) relations. You can start with simple requests for help: replace a light bulb, deal with a gadget, fix a tap, etc. (depending on what your chosen one is). And while he is solving your vital problem, chirp to him how much you love romance and how important it is in a relationship.
- Timid man … An assertive initiative in relations with men of this type is not always successful, despite the seeming ease of "handling" the gentleman. At the last moment, an insecure man can back up. Because of doubts about the sincerity of the interest: whether mercantile nuances or a desire to get married urgently are involved here (according to the option "without fish, and cancer is a fish"). And the older such a “groom” is, the more careful he is. Such a man can succumb to your female tricks only if you are fully confident that you are driven by a truly sincere feeling, and not by his material values (apartment, car, money) or your need to acquire the status of a married woman (due to age, unwillingness to live with your parents, as revenge on another man, etc.).
How to show women's initiative correctly
If your man does not have any of the above "contraindications" to the relationship, you can proceed to more specific actions. However, first decide for yourself with three points. First: do you really need your chosen one. Second: what will you do with it if you succeed. Third: your actions in case of refusal. And only after that it is possible to determine the tactics and look for the most effective way of taking the initiative in relations with the chosen object of attention.
Preparatory stage
If being proactive in relationships with the opposite sex isn't exactly your path, sit down and do some thorough self-delving into the subject. A categorical internal rejection of such an idea should be a good reason for you to choose a different tactic to attract attention. Even if you don't have such experience at all, but there is enthusiasm, a desire to get the man of your dreams and at least a drop of confidence that he will reciprocate you, start preparing for action.
To make your initiative as natural and easy as possible, practice on other representatives of the stronger sex. Meet men in public places (transport, shops, cafes, cinemas, offices, organizations, etc.). The reason for dating can be a request for help, advice, consultation or simple communication on free topics.
Your goal is to learn to speak freely and freely to your interlocutor during communication that he is sympathetic and pleasant to you. And also calmly and easily accept any reaction on his part. As soon as you feel ready to express your sympathy to any young man without any problems and to survive any response without any problems, you can safely proceed to actions in relation to your chosen one.
Stranger Initiative
If you are wondering whether to take the initiative in a relationship with a man who is not familiar to you, but you really liked, then there is no definite answer to this question. Just like the same men.
Someone will be very pleased with the attention from an unfamiliar (or unfamiliar) woman, while someone may react ambiguously to attempts to establish contact. Therefore, it is better to start with intelligence - how he will react to the most transparent hints of sympathy.
To do this, at first, simply hold your gaze on it a little more than usual. If there are no inadequate consequences for this, at the next meeting, slightly smile at him, because he is almost your acquaintance. It is much easier to act if you very often intersect with your object of attention (at work, in the yard, in an educational institution, gym, in transport, etc.).
Having "taken a liking" to each other, it will not be difficult to go from smiles to greetings and one day say "Hello" to him. Just like that, in passing. Or ask for help - any, even the most insignificant. And do not forget to show reciprocal sympathy if a man "bites".
Active actions in relation to a familiar man
The fact that you know each other makes the task easier, on the one hand, and complicates the task on the other. After all, he has not yet shown an increased interest in you. Such a nuance requires delicacy in behavior, so as not to reproach yourself for what has been done and not hide your eyes in case of refusal.
The beginning of your actions is standard - light flirting, the purpose of which is to inform your acquaintance that he is pleasant, interesting and sympathetic to you. Flirt as gently and unobtrusively as possible.
Your main weapons are hints, play, jokes, mysteriousness (in moderation) and charm. No pressure and zealous attacks. If your future gentleman is included in your game, it means that he is not indifferent to you too and did everything right. Now you can gradually give the initiative into his hands.
If all your attempts to attract attention do not touch him or, moreover, make him avoid you, leave such a "groom" alone. He is not the last and not the only one. Therefore, there is no need to waste your precious energy.
Returning the interest of a former lover
The object of activity on the part of a woman does not have to be a man who, for some reason, does not take the initiative towards her. Quite often, after some thought (or circumstance), we want to attract the attention of our ex or a person whose courtship remained unanswered. If a breakup or an attempt to establish a relationship was calm and civilized, the chances of attracting the attention of such a man are quite high.
First you need to get in touch with him - in any way and under any pretext. It can be congratulations on any holiday, lyrical memories of past times of relationships or friendship, a request for help, etc. That is, you need to remind yourself and come up with a reason for the meeting.
After establishing contact, communication can be "seasoned" with small hints and signs of attention, which would show him that there is something more between you than friendship.
However, you also need to be careful here, especially if you were the culprit of the failed love-story. A man can remember everything and closely look at your behavior and emotions. Your task is to prove to him that everything is sincere and honest on your part. And do it delicately, gradually.
Important! Remember a very important rule of women's initiative - do not be intrusive. Therefore, if you decide to be the first to invite a man on a date, he should invite him to all subsequent meetings.
Taboo for women's initiative
There are cases when taking the first steps in relation to a man is not just inconvenient, but impractical or even not decent.
Cases when it is better to refuse the initiative in a relationship with a man:
- The object is already taken … If your chosen one already has a serious relationship or family (especially with children), do not try to build your happiness on someone else's misfortune. Proven for centuries: nothing good comes of it. An absolute taboo if his wife or girlfriend is in an interesting position.
- Object - brute … The man you have chosen does not consider it necessary to treat you with elementary respect, observe the rules of politeness and friendliness. That is, he can allow himself to ridicule you, be rude, joke, make rude remarks and use foul language.
- The object is not a berry of your field … That is, there is a chasm of social or material origin between you. There is no need to argue with the rule deduced by the ancient Romans, according to which love loves equals. Even if you are very impressed with the story of Cinderella, remember that the initiative in it came from the Prince. If the man you love has a higher status, it is better to make an effort to get as close to him as possible: learn, develop, achieve success yourself.
- Object - not for age … Misalliance can also happen in the case of unequal age relationships, when the age difference is more than 20 years in the direction of seniority and more than 10 years in the direction of a younger man. Such age gaps create a certain vacuum in interests, hobbies, life principles and perception of life in general. Therefore, being active here can cause an inappropriate response from your subject of attention.
- Object - target … You don't need to spoil your karma and try to win a man out of selfish or some personal goals. Revenge, position, connections and wealth, of course, paint a man, but you should not put them in the first place. Focus solely on your feelings for him - real, honest. Otherwise, you may get a not entirely pleasant answer both from the object of passion itself and from the all-seeing Universe.
- Object is a ghost … Of course, conditionally. The term "ghost" refers to a man who regularly disappears from your life without warning or explanation. If he does not consider it necessary to inform you about his "movements", you should not make an effort to return him to his native nest. If he does not think so. Look for a new life partner who will be by your side in constant orbit.
Important! Don't forget that you are a woman. Sensual, worthy of respect and good attitude. Therefore, turn on intuition and reason at the same time, they will definitely prompt the right choice. Watch a video about the women's initiative:
Women's initiative in relationships is largely the result of our fast-paced times, when a modern woman decides to take this area of life into her own hands. And there are plenty of examples where this kind of push can bring beneficial results in the form of strong relationships. Likewise, there are many failed examples. Therefore, each girl must choose her own position in a relationship with a particular man.
