Who is called a stepmother, the attitude of a stepdaughter and stepson to a stepmother. The psychology of such relationships, what if they are unimportant. A relationship with a stepmother is such a microclimate in a family where children, due to various circumstances, are brought up by a non-native woman who has replaced a real mother. Often, these relationships are difficult, lead to quarrels and have a heavy impact on family life.
If the family has a stepmother …
A stepmother in a family is a big trouble. This can happen for various reasons. Let's say your own mother fell seriously ill and died. Or he and she simply stopped loving each other, constant scandals led to divorce. In most cases, the law is on the woman's side and leaves the children with her. But sometimes they stay with their father.
A man cannot raise his children by himself, he needs to work to support them. But you can't leave the kids unattended, and then he will marry a second time. This is how the stepmother appears in the family. Small children, far from the hardships of life, do not understand why their own mother left, and the newly-born "mother" is greeted quite good-naturedly.
It is a different matter when the children are already quite adults. They greeted the new woman in the house unfriendly. And there are no guarantees that the relationship with the stepmother will develop. Even if she treats them well. It is not without reason that it is said that "a stepmother, though kind, is not a dear mother."
In this case, a lot depends on the father. Will he be able to make the children believe their stepmother, because they have a living memory of their mother. Although swearing and quarrels were often heard in the house, but for them it was dear, they got used to it from childhood. And then a stranger must replace her mother, prepare food and send her to school.
It is important how the stepmother behaves towards her stepdaughter and stepson. If she married a man with a "gain" out of great love, she should carefully and attentively treat his children. When he begins to care inattentively, he often shrugs off communication with them, it will not be possible to establish a trusting contact.
The child feels false in relations with adults, closes in, goes into his dreams, from where it is not easy to pull him out later. Often in such families, adolescents have deviant behavior - they violate generally accepted moral norms, often do not get along with the law. Let's say a student skips school or runs away from the family. It is not without reason that it is said that "the stepmother drives out of the house, and the bear drives out of the forest."
Relationship between stepmother and stepchildren
Not every stepmother is an enemy to her stepchildren. If she is sympathetic to them, sincerely fell in love with her stepson or stepdaughter, she may well replace her own mother. About this in the Russian proverb that "happiness is a mother to another, and a stepmother to another."
Stepson's relationship with stepmother
At first, the relationship between the stepmother and the stepson is unlikely to be cloudless. The main role is played by the woman's behavior. Will she be able to warm his heart, set him kindly towards herself. He remembers his own mother and will look with disbelief at the one who is trying to replace her.
Will she have enough tact and cordiality so that the stepson feels not an official, but a warm attitude towards himself? If the pedagogical talent is not given by nature, it is difficult to expect that a friendly relationship will develop with the child.
Let's say the kid is trying to get his stepmother to take him in her arms, but she refuses. The boy is capricious, he wants the warmth of women's hands, like his mother, but receives a cold rebuke. This is remembered and causes rejection, the boy feels in his heart that this woman is a stranger to him, he will never be a dear one.
And even if the father proves that he has brought a kind "mother" into the house, the baby will be fine with her, he does not believe it. She begins to be wary of the newly-made mother and is constantly capricious, thus expressing her attitude towards a woman. Jealousy is intuitively mixed with this, the stepson is subconsciously jealous of his stepmother for his mother, tries to find flaws in her manners and behavior.
The boy is very upset that everyone has a mother, and he has someone else's aunt in his house. There is growing irritation towards her and his own father that he could not save his mother. The child grows up, with him grows alienation to his stepmother. The father's authority falls. An unhealthy environment is developing in the family. The guy ignores all the words and actions of adults, he feels bad at home, he finds solace among his peers.
And it is not at all a fact that he communicates with good friends. The feeling of resentment against the stepmother and father makes them seek solace in alcohol and drugs. Problems with the law begin. This is how the development of a child often develops in a family where the relationship of the stepson with his stepmother and father did not work out.
But it can be quite different. The father brought a truly good woman into the house, she treats his son with love. Even if he is not native, but has become close, she puts all her strength and diligence into his upbringing. The boy feels it and reaches out to her with all his heart. The stepmother won the trust of her stepson, and this is so important in family life! She is not native to the boy, but he will always feel trust in her. Even as an adult.
There is peace and quiet in such a house. The adults are happy, the baby is happy. He trusts his father and trusts his stepmother. In a family where everything is going well, it is unlikely that a bad child will grow up. Harmony in adult relationships is a harmony in a child's soul. He will not "grow out of a son of pigs" if his father and stepmother treated him well from childhood.
It's important to know! The relationship of a stepmother and stepson largely depends on the child's father. He must be able to explain to his son why it happened that his mother left and another woman appeared in the house, must make every effort so that she could replace his mother.
Stepdaughter's relationship with stepmother
The relationship of a stepmother and stepdaughter can be wonderful, or it may not work out at all. It is always easier for two female representatives to find a common language than, say, a stepfather with a stepdaughter. The psychology of an adult woman initially implies that she must meet the understanding of a girl. Moreover, if it is small.
The girl was explained that her own mother was gone for a long time, now she must obey her new mother. She believes such words and trustingly meets her father's new wife. The stepmother's job is to turn the baby's credit of trust into a stable, benevolent attitude towards herself. Will she have enough talent, purely feminine warmth and sympathy for her stepdaughter?
If a woman can replace her own mother, then the girl will reach out to her and will rightfully consider her a member of her family. Moreover, when he sees that his father loves his new wife. Time heals wounds, sadness and grief about mom will gradually go away, the child will forget her and give all his childhood love to her stepmother.
If the child is proud, he can make claims, the other woman will involuntarily be compared with his mother. A stranger in the house is a new habit that you don't always like. The girl is capricious, showing her independence, showing in such a way that she needs to be respected and reckoned with. And it's good when the stepmother sensitively captures the mood of her little stepdaughter.
When a divorced man, having already a rather grown-up daughter, brought a new woman into the family, a complex relationship arises between her and the girl. The stepdaughter is already in her teens, she herself begins to take an interest in boys, therefore she perceives her father's wife as a rival who took the place of her mother. She cannot forgive her daddy's new romance and does not accept her stepmother.
Adults will have to work hard to calm the girl down and gain her trust. Shouts and twitches, they say, "stop frowning as much as possible!", You can hardly achieve anything. Adolescents are sensitive to moralizing and attempts to impose their will on them. At this age, children are ruffy, and if they are still left without a mother, they experience serious stress.
The father needs to understand this, because he must think how his daughter will perceive his new passion. If a girl grew up spoiled, she has a nervous character, she may not accept a newly-made family member. And this is a conflict - quarrels and constant swearing up to hysterics "how tired of you all, my eyes would not see you!"
In order to communicate less with her stepmother, the girl will seek solace on the side, in the company of the same problem children. Or maybe even run away from home, and it's good if she comes back or they manage to find her in time. According to Russian statistics, such escapes are made by girls aged 14-15 years.
This is already a serious family problem that requires an urgent solution. If adults give in to her, specialist help is needed. Only a psychologist will help to settle such a difficult situation and suggest a way out of it.
Of course, not everything in life is so gloomy. Much more often a stepmother and a stepdaughter, even if there is no warm relationship between them, quite "rub in" to each other and find a common language. She will hardly ever love her husband's child ardently, but she is obliged to establish friendly, purely human contact with him. At least out of love for the man with whom he lives.
The proverb says that "stepmother is cold as snow." The tale "Twelve Months" is about such an angry and cold woman. Her end is happy, the villainous stepmother did not ruin her stepdaughter. She herself disappeared along with her own daughter. And the girl grew up and became happy.
Many girls, for various reasons, live without their own mother. And if the father brought another woman, she is not always as evil as in a fairy tale. A smart stepmother knows how to improve relationships with her stepdaughter. In such a family, the girl will not feel flawed.
It's important to know! The problem of stepmother and stepdaughter exists, but it is solvable. It all depends on the woman, if she manages to attract a girl to her, there will be peace in the family.
Can you fall in love with your stepmother?
If the relationship with the stepmother is bad, there is no need to talk about peace in the family. There are many proverbs and fairy tales about such spiteful things, for example, "Cinderella", but still a stepmother is not always "poison at home." Children may well fall in love with the woman who replaced their mother. There is always good in a real person, for which he can be respected, if not loved.
A stepson and a stepdaughter can be quite tolerant of a stepmother if she:
- Sincerely interested in children … This can be seen in her attitude towards them. Let's say she cooks breakfast for the kid and sends him to school with warm words of advice, for example, "Come back as soon as possible, my father and I are looking forward to you." If he constantly scolds him so that he behaves well, because “tired of listening to comments from teachers”, the relationship is unlikely to develop. Children will avoid such a "home teacher".
- Friendly … A woman is openly disposed towards all people. This is immediately apparent in character. Appearing in the house, he tries to make friends with children. They catch this, although at first they may be wary of her, since the pain of parting with her mother has not yet passed (for example, she left them). Time heals any ailments, the old wound will heal, the stepdaughter and stepson will definitely make friends with their friendly stepmother.
- Gentle and patient … Her husband's children greeted her unfriendly. She understands that she cannot immediately become a loved one for them, perhaps never will. However, he does not answer them with the same coin - he does not become in a pose humiliated and offended by distrust. With a smile, she continues to take care of them, wisely arguing that "patience and work will grind everything" - the stepdaughter and stepson will treat her with respect.
- Equal treatment of their own and stepchildren … A woman married a man with a child, and then she gave birth. This is how the half-brothers appeared in the family, for example, a brother and a sister. If she loves both of them, the stepson will notice and reciprocate. It is possible that he will not love his stepmother like his own mother, but he will not be rude to her, her attitude towards him causes him a warm feeling.
- Attentive … She looks after the children, they are decently dressed, they are always fed, worries about their health. But he knows in all measure. It does not become too annoying, which may not have the best effect on the relationship with the stepdaughter and stepson. He does not obey them, keeps a reasonable distance. This earns respect for the stepmother.
- Dislikes "sermons" … Even if there was a conflict with step children, she does not shout or lecture that it is not good to behave this way. Tedious lectures only repel. In an even and calm tone, he tries to calm down and find the cause of the quarrel. "Let's think together what went wrong here."
It's important to know! The proverb says that "not every stepmother is a nettle, not every stepdaughter is a poppy flower." This is the whole complexity of relationships in a family where the mother is a step-mother. It is good if adults and children are able to find an acceptable manner of communication.
How can children build relationships with their stepmother?
How to improve relations with your stepmother so that there is order and peace in the family? Much depends on the father. A man must explain to his children that he loves this woman, he believes that their relationship with her will improve. She will bring comfort and care to the house, because of constant employment, he does not have time for this.
In order for children to treat their stepmother well, they should be taught to adhere to these rules:
- Listen to your father's opinion … If, of course, he is an authority for them. When children are still young, it is not difficult, much more difficult with teenagers. They remember their own mother well, they perceive the new woman in the house with caution. A loved one should frankly explain to them, for example, why he broke up with his mother and brought a second wife. You cannot return the past, you need to live in the present and take everything in the right way. There is no need for anger, this is just a family disorder. Let everything go on as usual, they are not obliged to fall in love with their stepmother, but they should treat her well, at least for the sake of peace in the house. Children with a normal psyche will definitely understand this.
- You should not "run into" your stepmother … She came to a new family, it is not easy for her either. Until he gets used to the new living conditions. Not all at once can work out for her, oversights are possible. Let's say she didn't prepare lunch on time. There is no need to reproach her and make her look lazy right away, perhaps something urgent has distracted her. It is better to pretend that nothing special has happened, and cheerfully with a smile, they say, "now we will do something, there is food in the refrigerator", quickly cook dinner. Such a benevolent attitude will help to establish contact, and in fact "the most important thing is the weather in the house …".
- Need help … Children should help their stepmother, and not look at her as a servant in the house. Let's say not to stand aside when cleaning an apartment or what other household chores. You should not look at her coldly, that you are not my own, I don’t want to help you. You cannot live by the saying that "a dinner cooked by a stepmother is not tasty." When everything is seen in a bad light, family life will not work out. You need to avoid "bad taste" in a relationship. It is unlikely that they will bring peace and tranquility to the house.
- Do not gossip and do not gossip … You should never complain to your stepmother that she does everything wrong, for example, "Mom baked pies better." She may not be a pie expert, but she will learn. You should not use headphones for any reason. Firstly, it does not paint, because it is not without reason that they say that "a snitch in the next world is being hanged by the tongue." Secondly, it will be unpleasant for the father to hear that the children speak badly about the woman he loves. Thirdly, the family, where each other's bones are washed and denunciations are "riveted", lives unfriendly, in constant strife.
- Try to call your stepmother mom … This will not be easy at first. And of course, it is required that she deserves it. But if she does not want this, she should not be offended and make far-reaching conclusions. This is a purely psychological factor, it does not mean at all that the stepmother is bad. A person is judged by his actions, not by his words. If it is good and comfortable with her, you need to be content with this state of affairs. There is no big love between you, but quite a good relationship. You need to appreciate them.
- Do not be jealous of your stepmother to your own mother … It so happened in life that my own mother left (died). It’s hard without her, and then my father brought another woman into the house. Don't be jealous of her. Nothing good will come of this, but only create an unhealthy environment in the family. Life goes on, you need to perceive life circumstances in a philosophical way. As it is. This will help to avoid severe psychological trauma, will give you an optimistic outlook on life.
It's important to know! As it comes around, it will respond. If you behaved badly towards others, the bad will certainly come back to you. This is the moral law of life. Only on the basis of his stepdaughter and stepson should build their relationship with the stepmother. How to improve relationships with your stepmother - watch the video:
In order for the relationship with her stepdaughter and stepson to be good, the stepmother must understand that when she marries a man with a "gain", she will have to shoulder a difficult burden. It is not easy to raise your children, and even more so. Love is not only a bed relationship, but a big responsibility. If you want to live happily with your husband, be able to find a common language with his children. And children need to realize that their own mother is no longer there, with this woman they will have to live for many years. The concept of such a simple truth will help establish a healthy family life, live happily and without problems.