What is rudeness and how it manifests itself. What makes people rude and is it worth it to reciprocate. The most effective ways to tame a boor. Rudeness is a phenomenon that has already acquired the status of everyday life. Modern trends in the race for survival provide all the prerequisites for the prosperity of boorish behavior - the position of strength is now in the advantage. Therefore, boors can be found everywhere - in transport, in the field of trade and services, in organizations and in the neighborhood. And the main question that arises before the opponent of a rude person is how to respond correctly to such behavior.
What is rudeness
Boorish behavior can be viewed in several dimensions. On the one hand, this is the desire to assert itself at the expense of humiliating the other. On the other hand, it is a sign of low culture and lack of proper upbringing. On the third, a method of receiving energy replenishment due to a surge of emotions from the “victim”. But no matter what side of this phenomenon we consider, in any case it has a negative connotation. Simply put, rudeness is bad.
Boorish behavior is a mask behind which a person hides his complexes and shortcomings: self-doubt, weakness, ignorance, low self-esteem, stupidity. It gives people the illusion that they are better, smarter, more moral than others. That is why boors love to put themselves above others and teach life. This is precisely the main goal of rudeness - to humiliate, offend, intimidate the interlocutor in any way. It is interesting that experienced boors can accurately calculate the weak point of a person (appearance, mental potential, education, environment, moral behavior, marital status or lack thereof) and hit him directly.
There are several conditions under which rudeness has every chance of prosperity and success:
- Anonymity … This is one of the most significant factors that allow a boor to satisfy and develop his base needs to humiliate and be rude to other people. After all, it is much more convenient and safer to do dirty tricks. Therefore, now there is another “ideal” way in this respect to spoil the life of others without revealing oneself - the Internet. On social networks, on forums and in comments to posted content, you can find a lot of aggressive and sometimes completely inadequately reacting users under other people's nicknames.
- Emotional effect … The opponent's reaction is an indicator that the boorish attack hit the target. The stronger the outburst of emotions in the chosen "victim", the more pleasure the boor gets. And vice versa, ignoring or calm behavior of the interlocutor reduces the ardor of the rude person to zero and has the opposite effect when the rude person himself begins to get nervous and angry.
- Impunity … Another condition that gives strength not only to criminal inclinations, but also to rudeness. Unpunished, shameless behavior has no good reason to stop. Ham will never stop his "activity" if he does not see the counter force and does not feel the opportunity to get a real rebuff.
The main reasons for rudeness
There can be a lot of reasons why a person behaves rudely - from a bad mood to serious behavioral deviations. Therefore, it is so important to know the nature of such behavior in order to choose the most effective tactics for resolving the conflict.
The main reasons for the boorish behavior of people:
- Poor emotional and / or physical condition … Anger, fatigue, disappointment, despair can provoke outbursts of rudeness even in a person who is not a boor. Therefore, such "punctures" in communication with others are most often successfully resolved by the rude person himself, who realizes his wrong behavior and apologizes for it.
- Striving for self-affirmation … One of the most common reasons for boorish behavior is when a boor, at the expense of humiliating another person, tries to rise above him. But only in my own eyes. They see no other ways to solve their internal problems. Therefore, they take the dismay, indignation and dumbfoundedness of people from their "concerts" as a sign of their importance, respect and correctness of actions. The boorish people get special pleasure when they feel the weakness of their opponent. If a person, due to good breeding or non-conflict nature, hesitated with an answer or did not answer firmly enough, the "crown" on the boor's head begins to grow even faster. Not only the emotional weakness of the interlocutor, but also the physical one can provoke the activity of an impudent person. There are rude people who choose their "victims" also on the basis of physical advantage.
- Desire to be seen … Often rudeness is used by people who otherwise cannot attract attention to themselves. Lack of love, attention, communication push the boor to make up for this deficit with scandals and rude antics. A person who did not receive love in childhood and does not see it in adulthood chooses this way to overcome the indifference of others to himself.
- Character traits … The tendency to be rude can be part of a person's character. Especially susceptible to this way of communication are people of a pedantic, straightforward and authoritarian character, who like to teach and concentrate on the negative.
- Aggression … Impudence can also be a way of releasing accumulated aggression, if a person cannot implement it on an object-irritant or does not know other ways to “blow off steam”. Therefore, aggressive behavior is transformed into boorish and projected onto others.
- Manipulation … Often, with the help of arrogance and shamelessness, people try to achieve their selfish goals - quickly and with minimal losses. Often, it is on this model of behavior that the hierarchy is built in men's collectives, as well as in certain social and professional groups.
- Energy Vampirism … Rudeness is one of the most effective ways to "pump" energy from the audience, which participates in the "performance" played out by the boor. And in this case, the aggressor is not interested in the process of humiliation or self-affirmation. Its goal is the energy of "sacrifice". Therefore, the more painful and deeply he “grabs” it, the more emotions he will receive. And it doesn't matter that these will be emotions with a negative connotation (pain, irritation, indignation, anger, fear, dislike). For an energy vampire, this is even better. If he manages to drive his opponent into frenzy, hysterics or enter into a state of rage, this is generally aerobatics and maximum pleasure.
Considering the concept of rudeness, one must remember that it is like an avalanche. That is, it is very difficult to predict its beginning, place and development. As well as reacting to it correctly without possessing the necessary skills and knowledge.
Manifestations of rudeness in humans
Boorish behavior largely depends on the person himself and on the environment that surrounds him. In many cases, it is similar to the usual negative emotions and manifestations of bad manners - rudeness, shamelessness, harshness, tactlessness, etc. At the same time, it is very important to distinguish them from true intentional rudeness.
The main manifestations of rudeness:
- Aggression … Most people who have chosen the tactics of boorish behavior prefer aggressive behavior with the interlocutor chosen for bullying. An active position, harsh statements, rejection of other people's opinions, authoritarian judgments are one of the main communication tools of an aggressive boor. He always believes that he is at the forefront of a just cause - morality, honesty, justice, good breeding, etc. Therefore, sometimes it can go down to assault and direct threats.
- Arrogance … An arrogant grin on a boor's face can sometimes humiliate and ruin a person's mood no less than a harsh statement.
- Ignoring … Complete indifference to the interlocutor or addressing person can also be regarded as rudeness. Only quiet. Especially if this interlocutor is in the field of view and audibility of the boor. Most of the rude ones use the strategy of ignoring for another purpose - they always put their own interests above the interests of other people.
- Challenging behavior … Recall that the goal of boorish behavior is to evoke a response from the interlocutor and others. Therefore, the boor will do everything so that his "performance" was noticed. To do this, he will use heightened tones, vivid expressions and active gestures. Even in conditions of anonymity (on the phone, on the Internet), he will select such phrases in order to cause the maximum resonance among the readers.
- Lack of culture … A boorish appeal implies a complete denial of any rules of the culture of behavior and upbringing. The ethical framework does not allow the boor to achieve the expected effect from his "victim", therefore, they are completely swept aside from the outset. At the same time, a person who has not received proper education during his life is not necessarily a boor. People who are very familiar with the rules of etiquette, but simply turn off this "function", can also be rude.
Important! Not all rude people decide on open conflicts, preferring to use hidden, anonymous methods of influencing people. But that doesn't make them less dangerous.
Ways to combat rudeness
Given the variety of causes and manifestations of rudeness, there is still no universal way of dealing with it. Most experts recommend choosing a way to react to rudeness, based on their capabilities (temperament, wit, endurance, constitution) and the situation that develops. At the same time, some of them still insist that the boor is afraid of force, while the other part insists that only ignorance will disarm him. Here are several different ways of reacting to boorish behavior, from which you can choose the option most suitable for your case.
Keep the situation under control
The main thing that needs to be done during a conflict is to maintain control over what is happening. Any weakness on your part will only provoke a boor. Therefore, keep calm and do not go beyond the boundaries of good manners.
If outbursts of rudeness towards you are tolerated by your colleagues, neighbors, acquaintances or relatives, make it a rule to find out all the nuances of such a conflict without an audience, that is, one-on-one with the rude one.
Try to find out the true reasons for this attitude towards yourself and either solve the situation, or stop all communication with him. It is more difficult to maintain composure and distance from the boor on whom you depend - your spouse, your boss.
But here, too, one must remember that this is far from hopelessness. You can change your job, with your husband you can get a divorce and open the way for new opportunities. It's very difficult, but the dignity and self-worth is worth it.
Keep your distance
Unfortunately, it is not always possible to respond to shameless behavior the way you want - aptly and quickly. Often the most appropriate phrases in response to rudeness come to our minds after "everything has taken place." This is upsetting, but should not become an end in itself.
Boorish behavior does not initially imply a productive dialogue, so you should not try with all your might to enter into a debate with a person who is not in the mood to listen and hear you. He starts a conflict, where dialogue, if it is supposed, is only according to his rules.
To break them and thereby unsettle the rude one, build your communication framework, your distance. The basis for this should be the main opponents of rudeness - self-esteem and self-respect.
Ignore the rude
The tactic of calmly ignoring boorish attacks has long been used by sages and people famous in history. She is described in many wise sayings and parables. For example, the ancient Greek philosopher Aristippus used this method of responding to rudeness. He believed that a boor, like any person, has the right to say anything and to anyone. As well as his "victim" has every right not to listen to him. Therefore, I did not even enter into a conversation with scandalous personalities.
You can ignore not only the boor himself, completely avoiding the dialogue. There are several more qualities that can temper the ardor of a rude person - these are politeness, correctness and humor. Therefore, it is his boorish behavior that can be ignored, responding to all attacks politely, calmly and judiciously. And if you also have a sense of humor, then the conflict can be translated into a joke.
If you threw a spark into the fire of rudeness by accidentally doing something wrong to a stranger with rude inclinations (stepping on your foot, hooking it with your elbow, etc.), apologize, offer your help (if necessary). On this, in principle, the rules of politeness allow you to limit yourself.
Many psychologists consider rudeness to be a test of maturity. A mature person not only does not stoop to the level of rudeness, but is also able to consider the reasons for such behavior in others. So, to understand and calmly avoid the conflict.
Remember your rights
The most important right that you simply must take into account in a situation of shameless behavior towards you is the right to respect. You are a person, which means you have every right to be treated with respect. If you are not respected, you don't have to put up with it.
Also, do not be afraid to use legal leverage when meeting rudeness in the service sector, in organizations or at work. If a calm tone and politeness do not help, start by "exposing" the boor. That is, ask for his details and contact details of his boss (employer, manager, administrator).
In case of conflicts with a colleague, warn that notify the management of his boorish behavior. First, tete-a-tete, and then - in the presence of the collective. If these measures did not calm the rude person down, get lawyers, consumer protection specialists, and a trade union to help you.
Do not give the "chronic" boor a reason to think that you are "hooked" with him. Show that you understand the current situation, you do not like it and you do not intend to tolerate it.
Conduct the dialogue correctly
Another effective way to deal with rudeness is to communicate "not according to the rules." For example, asking questions - leading, clarifying. Are you really "stomping like an elephant" or "standing up like a pillar." Or what exactly is your inappropriate behavior from the point of view of rude behavior. You can ask what exactly makes him behave this way with you and say such words.
When communicating with a boor, you can use the technique of paraphrasing, returning his own words in dialogue, that is, formulating a response to his statements or claims in a paraphrased form. In this case, it is important not to make excuses, but to defend yourself. So that the boor does not doubt your seriousness and persistence in this.
How to deal with rudeness - watch the video:
When choosing the tactics of responding to shameless behavior, remember that rudeness in response to rudeness also generates rudeness in the square. That is, you become like a boorish one, become one step with him. Although with random boors, the tactics of a compelling answer can work. But not in the case of conflicts with the people you see every day. Therefore, the choice is yours.