Resentment towards parents and the origins of its origin. The article will provide recommendations for resolving the conflict between the younger and older generations of the family with the most effective way out of a crisis situation. Resentment against parents is an emotional reaction of a child when there is a significant discord between loved ones in the family. If ethical standards allow you to stop contact with friends in case of a serious conflict, then in case of disagreement between the older and younger generations of the family, such a decision is definitely not enough.
Types of conflicts with parents
L. N. In his novel Anna Karenina, Tolstoy subtly noted that "all happy families are alike, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." Psychologists identify the following manifestations of negativity towards their dads and moms:
- Resentment after betrayal … Sometimes women in labor cut off all ties with the baby who has come to this world, officially abandoning him in the hospital. Irresponsible parents practice the model of raising their offspring in the form of their temporary stay in a boarding school, motivating such an act with their busyness. In some cases, the guardianship service sends a child from a dysfunctional family to a temporary family. However, children in this case receive psychological trauma that accompanies them for many years, and cannot forgive their would-be parents for this.
- Resentment due to misunderstanding and indifference … Generational conflict is an eternal problem for humanity. Adolescence is often the reason why the spiritual connection between parents and children is lost. In addition, some short-sighted dads and mothers do not think about the future of their child, who needs to be given a good education for his further adult independent life.
- Resentment due to childhood trauma … In some situations, a small person subconsciously remembers all the conflicts that happened in her family. As a result, when she grows up, she begins to project her relationship onto the model of behavior of mom and dad, while holding a grudge against both parents. Divorce of spouses also causes significant psychological trauma to the child. It is with this combination of circumstances that the growing up children have the question of how to forgive the offense to their parents.
Important! With the voiced problem, it is necessary to think not about the sources of its formation, but about the ways to eliminate the unfavorable factor. Otherwise, a person who is in a similar situation may develop depersonalization (rejection of his own "I").
How to get rid of resentment against parents
Adequate communication with their loved ones is often terminated due to a lack of understanding of the current crisis situation between the older and younger generations of the family.
An emotional approach to problem solving
In the event of an insult to their closest relatives, experts recommend taking the following actions:
- Straight Talk … In any case, you need to talk with your parents to resolve the conflict at the initial stage of its development. If such an event cannot be done face to face with loved ones, then Internet resources will come to the rescue. You should not skimp on warm words when talking face-to-face and on the world wide web, if necessary, make peace with your parents.
- Introspection … Psychologists advise you to try on the situation for yourself, which works very effectively. It is easy to judge others and harbor resentment against them when it is not about yourself. It is worth asking yourself a number of questions in the form of "How would I do this?" and "Perhaps I could have avoided the conflict in the first place?"
- Open door method … Experts very often advise using this method of dealing with resentment towards parents. In this case, it will look like a certain self-hypnosis, because the basis of the sounded method includes ignoring the past. It is necessary to mentally focus your attention on the source of the irritation that has arisen in relation to relatives and virtually put it out the door.
- Round table meeting … It is very effective in helping the family to pull together a common tea party in the evenings. At the same time, children feel that they are dear to their parents. At the same time, the offense fades into the background or disappears altogether.
- View family archive … A joint acquaintance with photographs, which captured different stages of close ties between relatives, has a great emotional impact. Ideally, if possible, a movie show should be organized to view the family chronicle.
- Close People Relationship Test … You can invite your parents to pass a small test for the level of harmony between the older and younger generations. To do this, dads and moms need to write their vision of the problem on a piece of paper. Children should also perform similar manipulations. The answers are then compared and collectively analyzed in a general council.
- Complete trust … It is not necessary to allow the development of the conflict to its critical point. It is necessary to immediately voice your claims to parents, while adhering to the maximum tact and avoiding direct accusations.
- Reorganization of consciousness … Each person is responsible for what happens in his life. You must take responsibility for your own happiness into your own hands. You should not constantly wait for help from your parents, because they also have the right to live for their own pleasure.
- Photo chat … If there is no determination to have a frank conversation face to face with a certain person, then experts recommend this method of dealing with resentment towards dad and mom. It is necessary to take a photograph of them and express to him your claims that have accumulated in your soul. In the absence of such an opportunity, you can throw out your accumulated emotions in front of the mirror, mentally imagining a dialogue with your parents.
- Writing a letter … This tactic is somewhat similar to the above method. Paper, as they say, will endure everything, so you can throw out all your negativity on it. Then it is recommended to re-read the letter, and then burn it along with the insult to the parents.
- Projecting onto your children … If already an adult person has her own offspring, then you need to think about future relationships with him. No one will give a guarantee that his child will not behave in the same destructive manner in relation to his dad and mom.
- Watching movies together … The best option in this case would be a masterpiece by Alexei Korenev "For family reasons". This filmed life story clearly demonstrates how claims on the older generation of the family have been accumulating over the years and how to avoid such a situation.
- Excursion into the future … If the resentment towards the most dear people begins to overwhelm the consciousness, then you just need to mentally transfer yourself several decades ahead. Experts recommend to imagine that the parents are gone and the truce never happened. In this situation, not a large number of children will feel comfortable when nothing can be changed.
Attention! Negative emotions destroy the inner world of any person. In some cases, it is necessary to pass the test of time. If you express your claims to loved ones on emotions and raised voices, then the boomerang effect can work.
Proactive actions in case of resentment against parents
Having a heart-to-heart talk and drinking tea together are excellent methods of dealing with negativity in the soul in relation to loved ones. However, in some cases this is not enough, and it is necessary to resort to more radical measures:
- Joint runs … When asked how to get rid of resentment against parents, it is worth assessing the amount of time spent with them. The morning run will help not only improve your physical fitness, but also find a common language with the older generation of the family.
- Joint participation in sporting events … The "Dad, Mom and Me" relay is suitable not only for schoolchildren. Ideally, you could ask a family with the same problem to participate in a similar event.
- Collective visits to sports sections … To resolve the conflict between parents and children, it is recommended to purchase a subscription to the sounded health centers. In this case, a gym, swimming pool and tennis court are suitable.
- Hike … Nothing brings people together like joint outdoor activities. It is necessary to prepare for it at a general council so that all members of the family are satisfied with the route and its organization.
- Travel … If funds allow, you can organize a tour to the resort places with your parents. In an unfamiliar environment, it will be easiest to start a confidential conversation about the problem that has arisen.
- Joint business … A family business implies the complete trust of its employees in each other. Otherwise, the business will burn out in the presence of serious market competition. A son or daughter will have no time to be offended by their parents when their material well-being depends on mutual understanding with them.
How to behave in a child who is offended by parents
It is easier for an adult to cope with their emotions in a voiced life situation. However, the unformed personality in most cases does not know how to let go of the grudge against the parents. In this case, you can get rid of distrust of your loved ones as follows:
- Abstraction … It is impossible to fix adults, therefore it is necessary to accept them as they are. The shortcomings of relatives should be forgiven, if we are not talking about tyranny and cruelty on their part. If the child had to live in an orphanage, then you need to let go of the situation. To say thank you mentally for the fact that irresponsible persons gave me life, and forgive biological dad and mom.
- Talking to parents … Some crisis situations are in most cases just a misunderstanding. It is sometimes difficult for different generations to understand each other's aspirations. An exceptionally confidential conversation will help to come to a common agreement in case of a child's resentment against parents.
- Seeking help from third parties … Sometimes friends and family can better understand the upset child's condition. This gesture of hopelessness will not at all be slanderousness, because advice is asked from a stranger.
- Changing outlook on life … Childhood cannot last forever, so a child should start growing up. Such a process involves the analysis of their own actions with their further criticism. To some extent, resentment towards parents can be called childish, because it makes no sense to hide anger at those closest to you.
- Seeking help from a psychologist … Each educational institution has a specialist who is ready to help his little patients. Do not hesitate to ask for support, because the information voiced in the psychologist's office will not leave the premises.
- Call for help … In many schools, information about such organizations has been circulating lately. Some children find it easier to talk about their problem anonymously, without seeing their interlocutor, who is actually a specialist in psychology.
- Watching themed films … An illustrative example is very useful for an unformed personality. In this case, psychologists recommend watching the work of Maria Kravchenko "Breakfast at the Pope's", where young Alya, instead of resenting her windy father, was able to unite her parents together.
Important! Psychologists do not recommend that the child himself try to cope with the voiced problem. The help of adults and experienced professionals in some of the created life situations is simply necessary. It is recommended to start with the person whom the child trusts. How to get rid of resentment against parents - watch the video:
Taking offense at your parents is once again hurting yourself. Only those who cannot let go of the situation will over and over again remember childhood grievances or inattention to their own person already at a more mature age. But such a path leads nowhere, because internal grievances destroy the personality, break the future and do not allow you to create your own family in adulthood. It is necessary to focus on the positive aspects of communication with the older generation of the family, while letting go of the offense forever.
