How the feeling of guilt arises and how it affects the quality and completeness of life. Basic methods of dealing with persistent feelings of guilt for women, men and children. Feelings of guilt are a completely natural reaction of a person to an act, the correctness of which he doubts. It arises due to psychological, social and characterological attitudes, which are called conscience. A person independently reproaches himself for certain actions or even thoughts, which can adversely affect the quality of life and even lead to depressive disorders.
The Impact of Guilt on Life
Naturally, the constant oppressive feeling of guilt, which literally gnaws at a person from the inside, does not fight back in the best way on the quality of his life. All spheres of activity suffer, including working relationships, the microclimate in the family, harmony with oneself.
A person who is fixed on one feeling is incapable of objectively taking part in social life. He looks at all things one-sidedly through the prism of a sense of guilt.
The dominant feeling pushes others, no less important, out of the field of attention. Quite often, being in a state of feeling guilty, a person makes the wrong decisions, prejudices the situation.
In such a situation, relationships with other people often deteriorate, it seems that they do not understand and will never be able to understand this feeling. Working relationships deteriorate, where a sober sound mind and ingenuity are needed, and if feelings captivated thoughts about wine, then there can be no question of any serious, balanced decisions.
The main reasons for the development of feelings of guilt
Behind every feeling of guilt there is a certain situation or action, about the accomplishment of which a person regrets or feels a sense of the wrongness of the deed. This offense can be significant and significant, therefore, the average person is so worried about him, or it may turn out to be a mere trifle, but due to his own heightened feelings, it bursts out with a huge feeling of guilt and torment. In each individual case, you can find some beginning of this feeling, and, having analyzed the problem, there is a chance to get rid of these feelings.
Causes of Guilt in Children
Such sensations can very often occur in children, regardless of their age and social status. The child's unformed psyche reflects the world around in its own way and divides everything into right and wrong in a different way.
Accordingly, internal conflicts with conscience are a fairly common event for a child. Usually the reasons for this are associated with any of the areas of activity, be it school, home or dance club. More often, what is more important to him is chosen. There he will carefully weigh his words and actions, and the slightest mistakes will cause the child to feel guilty.
The reason for such a violent reaction to one's own mistakes may be a strict upbringing from childhood. If the parents threatened to punish for any offense, the child tries very hard not to do it. Unfortunately, accidents do exist, and an involuntary mistake can cause a flurry of unpleasant emotions associated with violation of the ban or failure to complete the assigned task.
Very often, in response to parental prohibitions, a fairly persistent attitude is formed, which several times exceeds the importance of the prohibition itself. For example, if the parents said that they would be punished for poor academic performance, and the child took it to heart, then he will be afraid of a deuce, as if this is the worst thing that can happen to him.
The feeling of guilt develops from a very young age. Even toddlers can have a long-term, uncommon guilt reaction for wrongdoing. For example, parents scold a child for urinating in tights rather than asking for a potty. Often the form of this attitude is a gesticulating cry, which is perceived by a vulnerable child's psyche as an unshakable prohibition, and it cannot be violated on pain of death.
Then, if the child nevertheless soaks the tights, he will walk in wet at least all day, put up with the inconveniences and, perhaps, even get a cold, but will not admit to his parents about what he has done. This is one of the most revealing and common examples of how a sense of conscience and guilt develops from childhood itself.
A child's pathological guilt can be combined with low self-esteem, which implies self-deprecation and the perception of oneself as a person who constantly does something wrong. These attitudes can be laid down by parents, teachers in educational institutions, relatives, relatives or peers.
Very often, school ridicule, even bullying, leaves an indelible mark on the psyche of a child, and he begins to feel contempt and disrespect for himself. Combined with random or non-random errors, the situation gives a massive pathological guilt in the child.
Causes of Guilt in Adults
In adults, persistent feelings of guilt appear in a slightly different way. Although very often, in most cases of a pathological feeling of guilt, there is a childish predisposition to such experiences. This refers to unfavorable conditions, childhood fears and self-doubt, personality traits. The vulnerable often have violent emotional reactions to minor stimuli, including feelings of guilt.
But for some reason, in some people, certain actions that are considered wrong do not cause any pathological feelings, while others are tormented by torment about their own guilt. This pattern of behavior depends on the internal factor of each person. All knowledge and developed response schemes are consistent with the inner justice of each person.
This justice, combined with a sense of guilt if violated, creates conscience. It is like a filter that evaluates every thought, event and decision of a person, then passes judgment. You cannot deceive yourself, and therefore torments of conscience are the most objective, but they do not always bring benefits. A pathological long-term feeling of guilt, even after admitting or correcting a mistake, is persistent and does not go away for a very long time.
Feelings of guilt in adults can develop in a number of cases:
- Wrong action … A person can reproach himself for any action committed of his own free will or someone else's. In the first case, he blames himself for the mistake, and in the second, for the inability to decide for himself whether to do something. Any events in life that were provoked by a wrong action and brought harm or discomfort to other people, cause a cascade of self-blame reactions. Usually, the feeling of guilt passes after the elimination of this error or after its relevance. A pathological long-term feeling of guilt is characterized by its persistence even after apologies, corrections of that wrong action. A person fixes on what he did wrong and withdraws into himself.
- Wrong inaction … Often, guilt is formed for an unattained result, for the fact that not enough force was applied. If inaction and slowness in some situations hurt, interfere with other people, or do not align with their ideas of justice, they can create feelings of guilt for them. It can be feelings of guilt towards other people or towards yourself.
- Wrong decision with or without consequences … If something important depends on a person's word, decision or order, a huge responsibility is automatically assigned to him. A well-considered decision can sometimes turn out to be wrong, therefore, a complex of guilt develops for what they have done in front of those people who depended on the decision.
- Wrong attitude towards something or someone … This kind of guilt is purely self-deprecating towards oneself. This is a variant of an internal struggle, a conflict of a personality that is struggling with its own manifestations. For example, a person treats their children, spouse, or work colleagues badly. This behavior has long been opposed to him, he does not want to change his behavior. Against this background, a deceptive but strong sense of guilt develops for their words and a bad attitude towards those who do not deserve it. People often deliberately make mistakes and neglect something in life, while at the same time regretting this attitude.
Signs of developing feelings of guilt
When a person is tormented from within by an internal conflict with his own conscience, he stands out noticeably and changes his usual behavior. Gradually delves into his thoughts and experiences, closing himself off from the outside world with a psychological barrier.
Depending on the type of character, such people can completely shield themselves from everything and go headlong into their experiences. The problem is that sometimes it is difficult to reach out to them and help, because the feeling of guilt significantly reduces self-esteem and increases self-doubt.
Often times, people who feel guilty try to correct a particular mistake that has been made. For example, if something breaks or goes bad at work or at home because of that person, the normal response is to apologize and try to fix anything that was damaged. The reaction is not always crowned with success, but this greatly facilitates the conscience.
A pathological feeling of guilt can trigger a reaction that prevents you from accepting the correction of a mistake sufficient to balance justice. The person will constantly try to apologize and, having received an apology, will not perceive it as a residual solution to the error, which will give an even greater reaction of guilt. The vicious circle explains the pathology and complexity of this situation.
Unambiguously, if feeling guilty constantly and cannot be eliminated, it significantly complicates a person's social life. The depressed state becomes permanent, the depressed mood turns all the colors of life into gray and does not allow to fully enjoy the things that used to bring it.
Varieties of guilt feelings
First of all, it should be borne in mind that there are two main types of guilt feelings. The first is the standard reaction to a mistake or causing inconvenience to someone, making a wrong decision, because of which the conscience torments. Such guilt is quite common and even useful, as it is able to control the framework of human behavior and filter the bad from the good.
Feelings of guilt can pass or be forgotten, it is a natural reaction to the feeling. It doesn't have to stay forever. If, for some reason, after an apology, corrections or other measures taken, the sensation remains for a long time and significantly complicates life, one should talk about pathological guilt. This condition is difficult to change and constantly gnaws from the inside of a person.
A pathological feeling of guilt arises in several cases: if the mistake is so great that a person cannot forgive himself, or he is vulnerable and takes close to his heart everything that he is experiencing at the moment. The mistake is not forgiven by those people whom it harmed (for example, if a wrong decision provoked a fatal result).
Dealing with guilt
Many men and women are interested in how to get rid of the feeling of guilt only when it significantly complicates a person's life. If work, career, relationships with friends and relatives suffer from it, there are difficulties in the family and communication with children, you should think about how to remove it. Since the mechanisms for responding to such feelings are different for men and women, it is worth considering ways to cope with feelings of guilt separately.
Removing Guilt from Men
In men, the awareness of any events is much easier than in women. They literally take everything that concerns them, and react just as accurately. Therefore, often a mistake can be caused by a hidden meaning of a situation that a man cannot fully understand.
Therefore, it is not so easy to understand the cause of the wrongdoing. For example, a person forgets about an important event for his significant other and does not come to the place where they agreed. Naturally, a woman's resentment arises as a response to an unfulfilled promise, but a man views the situation a little differently. He believes that he can say that he forgot or failed to come, and thereby run into the anger of a woman who is already offended.
As a result, the man has a strong sense of guilt that he cannot explain. According to his logic, he is not guilty, but given the reaction of a woman who is not indifferent to him, he experiences unpleasant feelings of guilt. This model of the situation shows that men are often not aware of their misdeeds, but they always feel guilty, even if they do not understand why.
To get rid of the feeling of guilt in men is possible only by understanding the reasons. First, you should talk to the person who understands the current situation more. Secondly, you cannot release this event on the brakes and wait until the storm subsides and everyone will forget about what happened.
Perhaps this is when a man blames himself for the wrong attitude or feeling towards other people. For example, paying little attention to a loved one, even if he is not offended, a man admits for himself that he could pay more, but does not do it for any reason. Thus, guilt feelings are one-sided and entirely based on the experiences of one person.
How to get rid of guilt in women
For women, emotions and feelings are carefully thought out and grounded sensations. Each woman will find a number of reasons, explain why it arose and what it means to her. That is why the feeling of guilt in women is always understandable for themselves.
If there is a chance to eliminate the discomfort, the woman will not wait until everything is forgotten, and will take active measures to deal with feelings of guilt. She will apologize, correct the mistake, try to make amends and calm her conscience.
An overly emotional experience of each event makes a woman more vulnerable to such feelings and more often than a man drives her into a web of guilt and remorse. The type of response to the current situation depends on the type of its nature.
In most cases, she cannot endure for a long time if she is offended, or she gnaws at her conscience for quite a long time. An overabundance of emotions will overwhelm her, and she needs to sort out the situation in time in order to calm the internal scales of justice.
For both women and men, it is not easy to apologize and step over guilt, as pride gets in the way. How strong it is depends on the character and temperament of the person, on his upbringing and the degree of error that was committed. The first step on the path to getting rid of guilt is to overcome your pride, which says that everything was done right.
The next step is apologizing, trying to correct a wrong decision or mistake. You should actually show that your conscience regrets what has been done and try to do the right thing. Active decisive action is the fastest way to make amends both to others and to oneself.
How to deal with feelings of guilt - watch the video:
No matter how gnawing at the feeling of guilt, it must be removed, because otherwise it negatively affects the quality of human life. In any case, guilt is a protective mechanism of our personalities, which makes us do the right thing and according to our conscience.
