Philemaphobia and the nature of the course of the sounded mental illness. In the article, people with this problem will be offered options for getting rid of the discomfort that threatens a person's personal life. Philemaphobia is a pathology that is associated with a person's rejection of such a fact as kissing. With such strange behavior, people can fall in love and even enter into legal marriage. However, the mere thought of touching their lips terrifies the philemaphobes. With such a problem, it is really possible to destroy your personal happiness with your own hands, so you should completely understand it.
Causes of philemaphobia
Anti-kissing fans are not at all inadequate personalities or maniacs. In some cases, the origins of the formation of their mental illness should be sought in the following life situations that happened to them in the past:
- Visual shock … In such romantic films as "Titanic", "Romeo and Juliet" or "Three meters above sea level", the audience simply freezes with delight at the scene of the manifestation of violent passion between a pair of lovers. However, the bloody kiss between Christopher Walken (Headless Horseman when acquired) and Miranda Richardson (Mary Van Tassel) in Tim Burton's gothic horror film Sleepy Hollow can sometimes cause philemaphobia.
- Past negative experiences … Some sentimental people willingly cry when they see the passionate kiss of Vivien Leigh and Clark Gable in the movie "Gone with the Wind." However, in fact, this demonstration of ardent emotions became a real torture for the actress. The main characters of the legendary work clashed with each other on the set, so the wayward Rhett Butler, out of a sense of revenge, used a spicy salad with onions before the most romantic scene of the movie.
- Excessive disgust … People with such oddities do not need negative experiences from the past, because the fear of kissing is in their blood. They initially do not want to have any contact with members of the opposite sex. They consider their own body a zone of increased sterility, and ideally they would like to place it in a spacesuit to protect themselves from the touch of even the nearest environment.
- Fear of violation of personal space … Each for himself marks the boundaries of such a distance from people. It is impossible to approach someone even a meter, so as not to cause him an acute attack of panic. For some individuals, the fact of approaching their lips or cheek is enough to introduce the poor fellow into a state of stupor.
- Human bite … In this case, it is worth immediately excluding all sorts of erotic fantasies that relate to inventive adults. When visiting a local "hangout" in the form of a sandbox, kids tend to react somewhat strangely to each other. With a noticeable bite from another child, the affected side may in some cases become philemaphobic in the future.
- Fear of falling in love … A certain category of people, according to some convictions only they know, is sure that it is a kiss that can pierce the armor of their heart. In this case, there is a clear parallel with the film "Pretty Woman", where a prostitute willingly served clients for a small fee, but did not allow herself to be kissed on the lips. For her, the word "sex" was an empty phrase, but touching another person with her lips was considered by the night fairy as a manifestation of love, which she was afraid of.
- Inexperience in the intimate sphere … Someone will find it funny an episode in the film "Girls", where the main character was afraid of kissing due to the fact that during its process noses can interfere. However, for all the comicality of the situation when an adult cook behaved in a similar way, it is worth thinking about the fear of many girls of the first kiss, right up to the formation of philemaphobia in them.
- Wearing braces … In this case, it will be more about complexes than about unwillingness to kiss a favorite object. The fear of appearing as a pitiful and flawed person makes people turn into the heroine of the series "Don't Be Born Beautiful".
- Victim of violence … In some tragic situations, you can face a sexually promiscuous person or even a maniac face to face. For people-fiends there is no word "no" if they decide for themselves to enter into intimate contact with the object they like. After such abuse of the body and soul, the victim of violence will avoid not only kissing, but in general contact with the outside world.
Of the six listed reasons for the fear of kissing, only a feeling of increased disgust can be called an innate feature of a person. In other situations, lip contact scares only those people who have suffered some kind of stress in their past.
Manifestations of fear of kissing in humans
Even the inner circle of the sufferer is able to notice the described pathology, because the person who is not indifferent to them deviates from the kiss when they meet. In addition to the voiced sign of the existing problem in the form of philemaphobia, the following symptoms of mental imbalance in the injured party should be noted:
- Panic attacks … If someone tries to kiss a person of this type, then let them prepare for the most negative consequences for themselves. In the best case, the philemaphobe will shake hands and begin to give way. In the worst scenario, the provocateur has a real opportunity to receive a resounding slap in the face, which he did not always deserve.
- Lack of control over your own actions … In some situations, when you try to flirt in this way with a person who hates kissing, you definitely cannot get rid of one slap in the face. In the course of the literal sense, fists can go, because each person has the so-called instinct of self-preservation in a situation that threatens him.
- Solitude … Philemaphobes are very often ready to enter into an intimate relationship with the opposite sex, but will not tolerate "calf tenderness" of a different kind. Not every potential partner will accept such a strangeness, because on the subconscious he will feel a certain disgust towards his person. In most cases, he will simply stop contact with the hysterical chosen one, which will become for the philemaphobe in the future the usual program of relationships with the opposite sex.
- Irrational fears … The very formulation voiced suggests that a person's fears about any reason are not a real reason for obvious panic. However, you can be afraid of the same sharks, if you don't even live in their habitat, which will not look strange. The fear of kissing cannot be a rational fear if people consider themselves to be adequate persons.
- Rejection of romantic films … Any episode in which a couple who are passionate about each other kiss can infuriate any philemaphobe. He can react quite calmly to thrillers and even horror films, but he is not able to watch innocent scenes of the meeting of two lovers.
- Limited circle of friends … If a person has a severe form of fear of kissing, then he will be wary of communicating with the opposite sex. This behavior model is not an absolute fact of the possible behavior of a philemaphobe, but in most cases everything happens according to the sounded scheme.
Risk zone for philemaphobia formation
In some cases, any problem can be prevented if you prepare for it in advance. There are five groups of individuals who are most susceptible to the fear of kissing even a loved one:
- Representatives of the skin vector … People with such a model of perception of the external world are quite difficult to communicate as individuals in the eyes of their close environment. In all objects, they see a huge number of infections and deadly viruses. They literally feel the danger to their health from other people with their skin. Kisses, hugs and handshakes with philemaphobes are out of the question, because they simply will not allow them.
- Anal vector representatives … It is quite easy to find such people, because they are always categorical in their reasoning. This fact is especially true for men who consider all women who have already had sexual experience with another partner before marriage as second-class persons. At the same time, people of this kind of character are able to put things in order in the house every minute, not wanting to kiss their loved one.
- Smell vector representatives … For voiced personalities, the smells that surround them are very important. They cannot be forced to visit the local dumpster to dispose of food waste. In extreme cases, they will put on a mask or gas mask and will sneak to a fetid place in pitch darkness. They do not like the scents of most perfumes, and they remember bad breath from someone they know as a nightmare.
- Representatives of the tactile vector … For people of this type, any touch is not just unpleasant, but even seems to be a hostile phenomenon if they have signs of social anxiety. Kissing for them is associated with an alien invasion, which the poor fellows do not even hide. They are not just afraid of getting any infection upon contact with someone, but simply do not want to touch their lips and body.
- Representatives of the visual vector … In this case, we will focus on the model of erroneous parenting. Children not only hear everything, but also see everything that is happening in their family. If the younger generation has been observing the relationship of philemaphobic parents or just a couple who do not love each other for a long time, then this is firmly postponed in the mind.
Famous philemaphobic personalities
In some situations, you should not be so overtly jealous of the wealth and luxurious life of the generally recognized favorites of the public. Not all the stars of the catwalk, cinema or political life can be called happy people in every sense of this concept:
- Erica Valentine … The famous model, living in the capital of foggy Albion, is categorically against kisses and hugs. With a catchy appearance, a famous person may not go on dates for years and refuses to intimacy. At the same time, she was still able to get married, but after eight years her marriage came to the predicted end. A pronounced philemaphobic to this day begins to panic from the possibility of receiving a portion of viruses and bacteria from another person during a kiss.
- Victoria Beckham … Her husband is one of the most desirable representatives of the stronger sex for women all over the world. However, at the sight of the singer's slightly distorted face during a kiss with her star spouse, some of David Beckham's fans thought hard about the episode they noticed. His wife, a former Spice Girls member, has become a violent philemaphobic because the famous footballer has a very bad smell from his mouth in the form of amber from fish waste. Such a nuisance is by no means a congenital anomaly in David, because he simply became the face of a fish oil company and uses capsules with this substance every day.
- Michelle Obama … A similar truth was revealed during a competition between the American and Brazilian basketball teams. Under the approving cries of the audience, the wife of the former president flatly refused to kiss her soul mate, unfaithful in all respects. Michelle was still able to forgive the scandal involving Barack Obama and a certain black presidential campaign spokeswoman. When public opinion was shocked by the information about the homosexual relations of the head of the country, Michelle, after the information received, became a philemaphobe.
- Kim Basinger … The famous actress felt extremely uncomfortable on the set of the movie "9 Weeks". The reason for her tense state was kissing Mickey Rourke, who then became a sex symbol in the eyes of his many fans. Kim's problem is that she loathes men who smoke. Therefore, it can be safely attributed to the category of philemaphobes, because a very small percentage of the strong half of humanity does not use tobacco products.
- Kirsten Dunst … This promising actress, the star of the cult film "Interview with the Vampire", had a voiced problem until she was 16 years old. She even flinched for a long time at any attempt to kiss her on the cheek. The origins of the problem can be found in the period when she, an eleven-year-old girl, was kissed by Brad Pitt. Naturally, there was no so-called "French" penetration of the language. However, the future star was very afraid of her father's reaction to such an action on the TV screen.
If you carefully observe the life stories of famous personalities, then once again you can be convinced that philemaphobia is an elementary consequence of an extremely unpleasant situation. However, using the example of the same listed stars (with the exception of Erica Valentine), we can safely say that their problem is exclusively temporary.
Ways to Deal with Your Fear of Kissing
If the question is limited solely to fears before the first kiss, then therapy in this case is not worth it. When it comes to people of reproductive or rather mature age, then it is necessary to immediately get rid of the voiced misfortune.
Independent actions for philemaphobia
Internal fears quite often have such a complex nature of education that it is impossible to cope with them alone. However, when asked how to overcome the fear of kissing, you can mitigate the problem in some way:
- Self-training (self-hypnosis) … If it is not about a feeling of disgust for a kiss as such, then the matter is in the presence of inferiority complexes in a person. Therefore, it is worth looking for the reason not in the existing factor, but in the reason for its formation. In combination with auto-training, yoga classes can help, in which the performance of physical exercises strengthens not only the body, but also the spirit of any person.
- Accuracy when kissing … This point should be taken into account by people who wear braces. Love is love, but you can make your chosen one and yourself a philemaphobe for a long time if you physically harm each other during a kiss.
- Straight talk with a partner … If people respect each other, then any problem can be solved without a painful break in relations in the future. In this case, I immediately recall the phrase of Irina Muravyova in the movie "Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears" that a loving person will forgive everything. In this situation, we are talking about an elementary understanding, which will help to check the sincerity of the feelings of the chosen one. However, it is worth while talking with him to observe the utmost correctness, using words like "let's try better like this" or "we haven't experimented in the following way for a long time."
- Zero target … The expression that in the struggle for love all means are good does not sound great in all life situations. There is no need to create barricades in order to then courageously overcome them. Humanity has already visited Space and conquered many mountain peaks. Why create a bicycle when it has long been designed and used. The object of sympathy should not feel like a guinea pig, because then the fear of kissing can become the smallest disaster in a couple's relationship.
- Avoiding alcohol and cigarettes … Both a gentleman and a lady should not resemble a tobacco stall or a liquor store before kissing. This factor applies to both partners who are either just eyeing each other or have already formed a stable pair. Philemaphobia often occurs when the person you like smokes or takes strong drinks.
- Visit to the dentist and gastroenterologist … Bad breath can be both the result of a malfunction of the gastrointestinal tract, and the consequence of decaying teeth. Only the person whose soul mate has gotten rid of the voiced problem can stop being a philemaphobe.
The course of treatment with a psychotherapist for philemaphobia
In this case, the expression “together we are power” has a double meaning. The described pathology is a rather rare problem, because hearts that love each other rarely suffer from the voiced dislike factor when kissing. If rejection from each other becomes an obvious phenomenon, then you should heed the following advice from experts:
- Group therapy … Under the guidance of a competent doctor, so-called associations of interests are created. Exclusively the psychotherapist solves the issue of forming such "islands" of rehabilitation for his clients. If a philemaphobe falls into the hands of a competent physician, then he will be able to solve his problem in a fairly short period of time. In such small groups, both boys and girls work on themselves, which gives them the opportunity, after the first meeting, to share their problems with each other. In some cases, such collective activities even create couples, which later become a strong family.
- Fear Destroyer Method … During the dubbed therapy, one immediately remembers the animated film about the dragon Fear-Boy, who actually wanted to become a harmless lark. Consequently, the rehabilitation system developed by a specialist is triggered, which initially further aggravates the existing fear, and then, with the help of a psychotherapist, completely destroys it.
- Learning the Japanese Kissing Technique … When worded like this, some people will smile skeptically. However, you should not rush to your conclusions, because this technique has proven itself well both in Asia and Europe. A person with a voiced problem should find himself not only a psychotherapist, but also a specialist in the art of kissing Sepun.
How to get rid of philemaphobia - watch the video:
If you doubt how to overcome the fear of kissing, you should think about the appropriateness of the planned event. If a person is completely satisfied with the current situation, which can lead to the collapse of his personal life, then the issue is immediately removed from the agenda. Otherwise, every effort should be made to make philemaphobia disappear forever from the life of a person who just wants to live and love.
