When the child is boycotted, many parents are simply lost and do not know what to do. This article describes actions that will help in this situation, tells how to improve relationships with classmates, how to help the baby. A school boycott is a consistent form of psychological protest that manifests itself in silence. Very often, parents are faced with the fact that their child withdraws into himself, refuses to go to school, is constantly in a gloomy mood and often cries after school. This is already a good reason to think about what is happening with the child. In most cases, this reaction is a consequence of problems with classmates. Let us consider in more detail what are the reasons for children's silence, what to do if a child is boycotted at school, and how to avoid such a situation.
School boycott concept
Most of us were either a victim of this neglect or a participant in it as a child. Therefore, in his own skin he knows perfectly well what it is. Boycott is a form of ignorance. So the child is exposed to a silent protest among children, which has an extremely negative effect on his psychological state.
Anger on the part of peers can negatively affect further development, his psychological state, and affect the educational process. Such children do not want to make friends in the future, and after that it is difficult for them to build trusting relationships. They give up their favorite activities and withdraw into themselves. Many already adults go to psychologists to eliminate the consequences of childhood grievances.
Ignoring, possible insults in case of addressing classmates and even physical influence can cause a lot of complexes, undermine faith in oneself. The child is in upset feelings, it hurts him to endure the current situation. Few children are able to cope on their own. Often, you cannot do without the help of an adult.
A boycott at school can lead to a complete renunciation of studies and communication with peers. It is imperative for parents to provide adequate and timely assistance. Remember that any action can both harm and help. And for this it is worth paying attention to the reasons and signs of the typical behavior of the victim.
Silence is a fairly strong form of pressure. Not every adult can tolerate and accept this, what to say about children. For them, this is a real trauma, because school is the place where they spend most of their time. It is within the walls of the school that they make friends, learn to communicate and interact.
The consequences of a boycott can be the most unpredictable, especially if the frustration and depression of the child is not replaced in time. In some cases, even the homeroom teacher may not see an obvious conflict.
The main reasons for boycotting at school
If we talk about the structure of the child boycott, then there is always the reason for the ideological leader who was able to involve other children. A stronger candidate gains authority in the team. This is especially true when the authority of adults falls significantly, that is, during adolescence.
The leader will always strive for power, and in some cases this is achieved by oppressing the weak. This behavior is a demonstration of your influence and power. In the children's team, a lot is based on some fears. Of course, this behavior is just an illusion of power, but children do not yet understand this and tend to imitate. In addition, for most of them, this is a sign that they may find themselves in the place of an outcast in case of disobedience. This is how the herd instinct comes into play. Everyone wants to be the first and the best, not only in adulthood.
This behavior is an example of refereeing in adolescence. A child who cannot realize himself in any direction or, on the contrary, is too popular, needs new levers of influence to attract attention to himself, to support authority. So he chooses a victim among his classmates.
As for the victim, she is selected based on the following qualities:
- Physical weakness … Since he cannot stand up for himself, it is quite suitable for the role of the victim. After all, such a child will rarely go to complain, which means that you can scoff at him for a long time.
- External flaws … Possible even small flaws in appearance, stuttering, even high or short stature in comparison with classmates can cause you to fall into the category of a victim.
- The financial condition of the family … There is also a double-edged sword here: both a child whose parents do not have enough finances to buy stylish and fashionable clothes, and a major can turn out to be the boycotted one. Moreover, in the first case, the cause of bullying is children at different ages, from elementary grades to older ones, and in the second, it is more typical of adolescence and the envy of others.
To begin with, it is important to identify the leader who started the conflict. But remember that in no case should you talk to him and try to threaten. This will only make the situation worse. Each child needs to find his own approach, and not go ahead.
Attention! Any child psychologist will tell you that aggressive behavior will not lead to anything good. Plus, if the parents try to resolve the conflict on their own, the child may be branded as “mama's son or daughter” for a long time, which will further alienate him from his peers.
The main signs of declaring a boycott of a child
In any situation, it is important to quickly identify the problem and tackle it. But it is not always possible to understand that the child has been boycotted. Some children try to hide it and are embarrassed that their peers do not perceive him. Therefore, parents should communicate with the child as often and frankly as possible, show attention and be interested in business. If a child has been boycotted, it is also very important to start looking for resources and help overcome this conflict. You shouldn't say: “Don't worry about how many friends you still have in the yard” or something like that. For him, this is a real tragedy, and parents must understand this. You need to start acting immediately, so as not to waste precious time. Parents should be alerted to the following behavior:
- Internal protest against communication with classmates … The child does not have permanent friends, does not want to invite anyone to visit and does not go to classmates himself; on the way home and from home, he is constantly alone or with one of his friends, the rest of the children go together.
- Study problems … They manifest themselves in a loss of interest even in their favorite subjects, the child does not take part in group activities (hiking, attending events), grades have dropped sharply, and the desire to skip school has grown many times over for no apparent reason.
- Mutilation … He comes home sad, with bruises or abrasions and cannot give an explanation for this. Parents may also notice the loss of part of the school supplies, damage to notebooks with drawings and other things. Moreover, the child himself cannot explain where it came from.
- Depression … Apathy for everything around, melancholic mood, tears for no reason and irritation. Sometimes a child breaks down on his relatives, younger brothers or sisters.
It's worth noting that physical bullying often affects more than just mood. So, children lose their appetite, starting to get sick, suffer from nightmares and sleep very badly.
Quiet, calm and dependent on the opinions of others around schoolchildren are more susceptible to attacks from classmates. They are often unable to stand up for themselves, either physically or verbally.
Features of behavior if a child is boycotted
Conducting conversations with the child will have to in any case. Moreover, the possibility of getting out of the situation without cardinal decisions will depend only on the correct and adequate actions on the part of parents and teachers.
How to handle a school boycott
To prevent this from happening, before starting any action, it is necessary to collect as much information as possible, try to ask the child why the conflict occurred, who is its initiator, whether all classmates are involved in the boycott, etc. It is extremely important to bring the student out of the state of silence.
If it is difficult to do this, then it is worth trying to carry out explanatory work using your own example. It is under this influence that some children may begin to speak. The main thing is not to shout or start scolding the baby, this can only aggravate the situation. The parents' actions are as follows:
- Support and attention … If the behavior of a schoolchild, characteristic of an oppressed victim, manifests itself at home, then the first step is to show that he is not alone, he is under protection. You should not find out what the problem is, and insist on a frank conversation, at such moments it is important to show care and affection.
- Active and favorite rest … In order to distract from sad thoughts for a while, it is worth giving positive emotions and doing what he loves. You can go with him to a movie or an amusement park, where the child can be distracted and stop thinking about the problem that has arisen. You can make an unexpected surprise and buy the desired item. The ideal option is to go on vacation or to another country. But it is not always possible during school, moreover, travel is quite costly.
- Help finding friends … The fact is that not always absolutely all children refuse to communicate with one, with the "black sheep". The child should be advised that there are probably children in the class with whom he can find a common language. You can also enroll him in new sections, dancing, swimming, so that he can compensate for the temporary boycott by communicating with new people.
- Moral support in overcoming the boycott … Since the situation is not new at all, it is worth teaching how to fight for yourself and emerge victorious from the situation. To do this, the child should be explained that he can always rely on his parents. In addition, for the sake of some classmates whom he will not remember in 10 years, one should not give up a fun life. As for behavior at school, in the absence of physical abuse, the child simply has to ignore the instigator of the boycott.
- Communication and communication again! Try to pay maximum attention to the psychological state of the child during this period. After each trip to school, talk to him more, watch cartoons, learn lessons and just walk. He should feel love, attention and care. And pronouncing the situation will help to identify the leader, the reasons for the boycott, in order to take adequate response measures.
- Invite remaining friends to visit … Think carefully about who the child can invite to tea and spend time together. Children need communication with peers at any stage of personality formation.
- Meetings with family and friends … Make sure that there are many good people around who love, support and appreciate him, give them the opportunity to spend more time together. They will fill the soul with a pleasant feeling and a sense of love. Plus, it will help the child understand that not all people want to hurt and upset him.
- Work on bugs … In some cases, children boycott those who are somehow different from them. Of course, individuality is good, but not in all cases it has positive characteristics. Very often peers offend those who are overweight. In this case, it is important not only to resolve the conflict, but also to help the child get rid of external imperfections. Start doing sports together, running in the morning, or going to a dance. This is a great option not only to get closer, but also to make the child want to get rid of his shortcomings by his own labor. If your child does not read well or falls behind in school, then help him catch up with his peers. Moreover, today there are many courses, tutors and online lessons that will help you quickly achieve your goal.
Talking to the parents of the bully and the main leader can help in one case and hurt in another. Even after the conflict is resolved, the sediment can remain, it will be difficult for the victim to make friends again and find a comfortable position in the classroom. Sometimes you have to think about transferring your child to another school. Of course, you cannot show that problems are solved only in this way, but situations can be different. Check with your child if he wants to change schools and try to make new friends. In addition, this is a great way to show that there are no insoluble situations and you can find a way out of everything. Important! Do not forget that problems build character, teach children independence. If a child asks not to climb, then it is better to listen to him.
Helping educators to overcome the school boycott
The first step is to say that you cannot go to school with children and figure it out on your own. For a start, it is better to talk to the teacher and try to reach agreement with him. He will be able to conduct a conversation with classmates and reduce the conflict to zero. In any situation, two parties are always to blame, and the problem must be solved with all parties to the conflict. Many experts advise changing the environment and choosing a more pleasant place to talk. It can be a cafe or a park, as long as the children forget about school. Call the main initiator of the conflict, the one who incited everyone to boycott. Let the children express their grievances and try to find common ground. Believe me, with the correct arrangement of the situation and good argumentation, each side will understand exactly where it is wrong. The teacher should start the conversation with the words: "An unpleasant situation has occurred in our class." The main task of the teacher is to explain to children that this is not acceptable in their school, and a boycott can become punishable for all its participants. School is a place where children get better, gain knowledge and find friends, not quarrel. He must also figure out what is the reason for such a reaction from classmates, perhaps the child is to blame. If there is no such reason, then it is worth asking the children to tell how difficult it is for a person in such an environment. There is no need to shout at them, the main thing is that they realize that their position is wrong. There are times when the child is to blame, and the boycott is the consequences of his behavior. In such a situation, classmates will have the opportunity to speak out and point out all his mistakes. A boycott of a child will be an excellent incentive not only to temper your character, but also to change your position in relation to others. Sometimes children take up arms against whoever hits or humiliates them. Each case requires an individual approach and careful adult intervention.
In some cases, the teacher will have to talk to each child individually. After all, it is rare to find a class where they openly talk with an adult. There is sure to be a weak link from the whole company that will tell all the details of the conflict and help find the instigator.
It is with the latter that you will have to work additionally in the future. All methods can be used: from explanatory work to ignoring the perpetrator, so that he can experience the role of the victim.
It remains to solve the last, but no less important question: what to do directly to the victim.
What to do if a child is boycotted at school
To begin with, the student should be explained that he is no worse than others, and in his situation there may be any of those who arranged it. He must believe in himself, his strength, feel strong support from his family. In addition, the child must be taught to take the blows of fate.
You should behave like this:
- Ignore offenders, ignore them … If a student stops reacting sharply to attacks against him, continues to study, without looking back at the opinions of others, it will become much easier for him. Over time, his classmates will simply get tired of behaving this way, and for those who did not support the company, it will become easier to restart communication. This demeanor will help him develop strength of character, which will undoubtedly come in handy in the future.
- Forgiving the instigators … No matter how bad it is, the child must learn to let go of the negative from himself, not to accumulate it. It is necessary to forgive your offenders, even if there is no desire to communicate with them.
- Reconciliation … Agree that a very important skill for all people is the ability to put up, it is also necessary in adulthood. As practice shows, children are embarrassed to approach first, because this may seem like a manifestation of weakness. They think it is humiliating and wrong. Invite your child to come up with a universal method of reconciliation. This will help him in the future to quickly and easily resolve conflicts that have arisen. At an early age, it can be a little finger gesture and a funny rhyme. In a more adult school age, it is better to teach a child to give reasoned arguments and say the words "I'm sorry." This is especially true if the conversation is with the instigator of the conflict. Try to explain that it is not always worth approaching first, it is important to understand where it is needed. From an early age, a person must learn to make decisions on their own. And also be responsible for your actions.
Useful tips for school boycotts
Even if there has not been a negative incident yet, it is important to explain to the child how to behave correctly in such situations. So:
- Don't corner yourself … In any situation, it is important to maintain self-confidence, a clear position and calmness. You can find a way out of any situation, the main thing is not to succumb to general harassment and not to be led by public opinion.
- Don't hide what's going on … If a boycott has already been announced, then you should not hide it from parents and teachers. They will help you understand the problem and solve it correctly.
- Helpline … Do not forget about the helpline, where you can always get free help from psychologists.
- Have courage and patience … It takes a lot of endurance and patience to resolve any situation. This brings a lot of negative emotions, but there is no other way. If you try, you can restore friendly relations with the class.
- Learn to forgive offenders … You can't keep anger in your heart, it only spoils life and affects future communication with peers.
Watch the video about the school boycott:
If the boycott has already affected the psychological state of the baby, and the problem was noticed too late, then the best option is to contact a professional psychologist. This will help avoid depression, childish tears, and other unpleasant situations. If everything is left to chance, then the child can close in himself for a long time, not communicate with his parents and peers. Some problems are significantly aggravated in adolescence, and it is no longer possible to do without the help of a psychologist.
