Free relationships between a man and a woman, the essence and psychology of free relationships, the pros and cons of a love affair without obligations. A free relationship is a bond between a man and a woman based on sex without commitment. He and She live separately, meeting periodically only for intimacy. This does not impose any legal obligations on each other. Any encroachment on personal freedom, be it jealousy or any claims, is perceived as an insult and leads to a break in the love affair.
The history of the relationship between a man and a woman
At the dawn of humanity, love did not exist. There was just an instinct to reproduce. In a semi-wild society, too short a life dictated its own terms. Then there was promiscuity - disordered sexual relations. Primitive man and woman were not at all eager to enjoy intimacy.
Sex with many partners intuitively, at the subconscious level, served to prolong the genus. One can speculate about free relationships at that time, but they were based on a completely different principle. An indispensable condition for "mating" was the offspring.
Men began to think about pleasure much later, when labor became more efficient, surplus products appeared. And as a result, free time, which could be pleasantly spent with a woman.
With the advent of monogamous marriage, the attitude towards it became twofold. In the treatise "On Eros" the ancient Greek writer Plutarch noted that "there is no greater joy, more permanent affection, such a bright and enviable friendship, as where husband and wife live unanimously, keeping order at home." Family virtues were glorified, female infidelity was condemned and severely punished. Society was condescending to male infidelity.
In the Middle Ages, Christianity denied bodily pleasure, love was seen as the highest feeling for God. And everything else is only sinful passions. They were subject to a ban, for disobedience they could be burned at the stake. There is no need to talk about free relations between the sexes at this time. Sexual desires were driven deeply into the recess of the soul, which led to various perversions. For example, nuns in monasteries cohabited with each other, such a fad did not pass by the male monastic communities.
Medieval humanists, such as the English philosopher John Locke (1632-1704), argued that a woman and a man are equal in their rights, this is the essence of a free relationship. In high society, the so-called courtly - refined love appears when a married woman was gracefully courted by gentlemen.
This is a kind of tribute to the free relationship between the sexes, crushed by harsh church prohibitions. Cheating on her husband was not encouraged, but they looked at her quite favorably. Kings cheated on their crowned wives, they also did not remain in debt and had numerous lovers.
The romantic courtly love was replaced by a gallant relationship. Monogamous marriage has become out of fashion. In high society, polygamy has spread, when he has several women (polygyny), and she has many lovers (polyandry). Marriage as a family virtue has lost its meaning. Adultery has ceased to be condemned.
It is from this time that the free relationship between a man and a woman should be counted, as it is understood today. Sexual emancipation of the sexes has replaced religious asceticism.
Society was still jumping in different directions about marriage. The assertion appeared that sex is not good and immoral even in a family. Others believed that there was nothing wrong with that.
Nowadays, the American psychotherapist N. Brenden substantiated the romantic theory of the relationship between the sexes. In his opinion, feelings based on mutual sexual attraction help the self-realization of a man and a woman.
It's important to know! Free love was preached in the last century by hippies. Most of them ended their lives unsuccessfully. It is important that a free relationship does not overshadow the fundamental values in life: a sense of responsibility and the desire to achieve success in life.
How to understand an open relationship?
The essence of free relationships is precisely that they are free, which means that none of the couple imposes on themselves large responsibilities, for example, those that are in the family. If they say about her that she is a social unit, the same cannot be said about people living from meeting to meeting. In their behavior, they are free, like a bird in flight. They only meet for sex.
Free relations between a man and a woman are characterized by the following principles:
- "I sleep with you, but do not meddle in my soul" … Meetings only for sex, to have fun and enjoyable time. It relaxes, allows you to rest. The soul was shaken, all personal problems fade into the background.
- No one owes nothing to nobody … An open relationship can be long-term, but not necessarily. Sometimes there are meetings "for one night". We had a pleasant time, we talked out, especially if not everything is good in personal life, but they did not give any "oath" to each other. We parted as good friends.
- freedom of choice … If you don't owe each other anything, you can change your partner (partner) periodically. In our liberated time, many do this, but where does it lead to? The consequence of this "morality" was the growth of sexually transmitted diseases. Let's say that in 2017 there were 950 thousand HIV-infected in Russia. And where is the guarantee that the next “free” partner is not one of this number? It's not written on his face.
- Love without an answer … Let's say She is in love, but He does not have deep feelings for her. The girl agrees to meet periodically in the hope that he will fall in love. Sometimes this happens, but more often such an open relationship leads nowhere, ends in a break. Sometimes in such a love affair, a mercantile interest is visible, for example, a partner earns good money, can support his mistress. Without any "attempts" on her part on his personal freedom.
- The frankness of the relationship … When partners are a kind of testing ground for each other, where they give a release to their sexual fantasies, gaining their erotic experience. At the same time, no one pulls anyone by the tongue. It is not forbidden to freely talk about your previous love affairs, without fear of running into jealousy. If intimacy is tired or someone has too much sexual appetite, you can quickly part. Without any hysterics and showdown "flights" there.
- Communication insecurity … As a rule, open relationships are typical for young couples. When you want to take a walk and have fun at the “celebration of life”. Why not have sex without obligation? Enjoyed, tired of each other and fled. Morality is quite in the spirit of our liberated being.
It's important to know! Free love is based only on sex, does not involve a family, and therefore children. It's good if young people understand this.
The psychology of a no-obligation love affair
The psychology of free relations between a man and a woman is based primarily on respect for the individual. You respect yourself, value your partner. That is, behave with him the way you want him to treat you. When this fundamental principle of communication is not respected, there simply cannot be a free relationship. If the love affair continues, it is based on submission. Most often, She "looks into the mouth" of a person with whom she is madly in love.
Communication should be open and friendly. It is impossible to build an open relationship on lies and anger. Only honesty and willingness to always come to the rescue in difficult times will allow you to be together for a long time. Despite the fact that the meetings are periodic, everyone lives with their own worries.
It is necessary to clearly understand that a relaxed connection is such only very conditionally. Of course, it does not imply deep feelings, such "free" couples do not strive to create a family. However, if a man and a woman meet for a long time, sooner or later "epiphany" comes. Some of them want it to be like everyone else: family, children.
If the other partner is opposed, a breakup is inevitable, which can lead to stress. Habits rule a person, and here we have met for so long. And then in the psychologist's office you will have to look for consolation from a suddenly running problem. One of the two was not psychologically ready for such a turn of events.
Free love happens in marriage. When HE and She are not jealous of each other for connections on the side. This is due to the psychological characteristics of a man and a woman who decided to become husband and wife, but never abandoned their "bachelor" habits.
The main reasons for an open relationship
An open relationship can be called "sexual friendship." As a rule, it is fleeting, it is a transitional stage to creating a family.
Why do men prefer an open relationship?
When they talk about the psychology of men and free relationships, they mean the internal motives of the stronger sex, why they decided on such a relationship. What pushes them to such selfish, if we call a spade a spade, behavior with women?
Consider the reasons prompting men to seek free meetings with the fair sex:
- "Search a woman"! This is what a French proverb says. It's good to have a friend by your side, who is without undue pretensions. And then when you want it. We spent time together, had a great tumble in bed, and goodbye! Until next time. Today such hectic leisure is called "free relationships". And which of the men is against such short-term dates? It seems that there are few of them.
- "Seize the moment"! The guy has not yet found his happiness, and here the girl shows him signs of attention. I don’t like her, but she’s not ugly. And as they say, there is fish without fish and cancer. So why not use her body? And of course, without any obligations on our part. She is glad at least such a relationship, what if it turns out and more serious? And the man is quite happy, what is even better?
- Sex for health … Personal life did not work out, the family broke up, he was left alone. He meets a woman, but does not want to formalize his relationship with her. She, too, is content with little. We met, spent time together, leaving our problems outside the doorstep, and that's good. Sex colors male loneliness with female warmth and gives a feeling of confidence in life.
- "Guest marriage" … This is for older men and single ones. He and She live by their own home and their own concerns. None of them encroaches on the privacy of the other. Occasionally found only for intimacy. They are quite happy with this and do not want to change their status quo.
- Woman like … The beautiful, moreover inspiring, soul of the company radiates with positive energy. This allows you to feel good and confident around her. At the same time, he does not make big claims. Always remains mysterious and feminine in any situation.
- The partner is smart, caring and gentle … Men always like them. And if she is without "cockroaches" in her head, is not jealous and treats her partner's personal life with tact, does not insist on a quick wedding, an open relationship can be long-lasting.
- It's just fine with her … Each meeting is like a holiday: noisy or quiet, but bright and unforgettable. No mutual reproaches, grievances and complaints. You rest your soul with her. All everyday worries faded into the background. An intimate dinner for two and great sex. Healthy, relaxed relationships. The only question is: for how long? Everything in our world is fleeting, and free relationships are even more so.
It's important to know! Free love relationship is only a stage on the path of life. If a man strives to live all the time without responsibilities towards his woman, he will live his life empty.
Why do women choose an open relationship?
The psychology of women in free relationships is not much different from that of men. But due to the peculiarities of the female character, there are still differences. First of all, they are associated with falling in love and the fear of losing your beloved.
Why girls enter into a free relationship with men, let us consider in more detail:
- Low self-esteem … The girl grows up, often looks in the mirror and does not like herself. She thinks that her face and figure looks worse than her peers, and therefore cannot find a boyfriend. She begins to complex, and when she meets a young man she likes, she is ready for anything for him. He feels it and offers sex without obligation. There is no need to talk about the equality of two people in such a situation.
- Unwillingness to change your personal life … Infantilism, unwillingness to grow up and make adult responsible decisions. May be related to the feelings of childhood, when parents constantly swore. This affected the psyche of the child, having matured, the girl is afraid of a deep relationship with a man. I only agree to a love affair without the obligation to get married and be responsible for the family.
- "Love is evil" … Well, I like him very much, but does not pay attention. She agrees to do anything just to be close to her beloved. This is already a "skew" in the relationship, which does not bode well. In such a love affair, there is no need to talk about respect for each other. She just runs after him, like a thread for a needle.
- Lack of complete trust … We will wait, "have sex," and then it will be seen what will come of it. Indeed, it is quite possible that nothing will work out. They met, burned with love and parted, "like ships at sea." Proudly and silently, without suffering and screaming.
- "I'm looking for" … Here the reasoning is something like this: “The guy is nice and sociable, not greedy for money, you can sit well with him in a restaurant. Why not have sex with him? But the world is great, and suddenly a better one will meet. You shouldn't rush to get married, but I'm not going to be a nun either. Love without commitment is just the best solution for me."
It's important to know! Whether a girl wants to enter into an open relationship or not depends only on her. It is worth appreciating all the pros and cons of such a love affair. No wonder it is said that "a girl with a future should avoid men with a past."
Pros and cons of free relationships
What does an open relationship mean for a man and a woman? This question primarily implies "gender equality", when men and women have equal rights in all spheres of life. In sex too. Only sexual equality has its pros and cons. Let's take a closer look at this.
The positive side of free love is mutual consent to such a relationship. It is understood that they are based on mutual respect and non-interference in the partner's personal life, when there is no jealousy, their original individuality and independence in decision-making are preserved. Young people just live and enjoy life, that they are young and healthy, infrequent meetings in private bring deep satisfaction.
Free relationships in adulthood are associated with an unsuccessful personal life, for example, a family has broken up, and you don't want to start a new one. A man and a woman are afraid to repeat the past mistake, and therefore agree to meet without serious obligations. This is also an option. Life is colored with warm colors and does not look so sad.
Sex without commitment has negative sides. First of all, this is unwillingness to be responsible, avoiding the problems of your partner. If this tendency develops into a persistent habit of stepping aside in difficult life situations, we should talk about the infantilism of the personality. By years, a person is already an adult, but growing up has not come. He hides his childhood traits behind the facade of free love.
Another serious side of an independent love affair lies in the agreement that you can "walk" on the side. And where is the guarantee that the frequent change of partner (partner) will not lead to sad consequences, when you can catch a "bad" disease. Sexually transmitted diseases in our time are not at all uncommon. The reason for this is just free sex without responsibilities.
Not everyone in our society perceives free relationships as natural. To many, they seem to be a perversion of the moral foundations inherent in our ancestors, when it was believed that a man and a woman can live together only in marriage.
It's important to know! No matter how hot the free union of two hearts is, sooner or later it will disintegrate or lead to the creation of a family. It is common for a man and a woman to live in pairs, to have children. And these are responsibilities and new family relationships. What is an open relationship - look at the video:
Free love is short-lived or lifelong. This should be understood by those who have decided to have sex without obligation. No matter what they say, there are always responsibilities in a relationship, even if in a truncated form. You need to be prepared that the partner (partner) wants more and breaks the connection. In this case, you should not be upset, life goes on. But you need to ask yourself: "Isn't it time to take responsibility and start a family?"
