The article discusses the main features of the personal boundary as a psychological component and its varieties, signs of violation and ways of maintaining it in relationships. Each type of boundaries is formed under the influence of self-development and self-knowledge of the individual. Boundaries are not constant, but can change under the influence of environmental factors, with age, acquire completely opposite features.
Each person has his own understanding of his own body, special personal experiences that are intimate. Belief in someone or something is also a personal characteristic. The semantic factors that determine the behavior of a person are also purely individual.
Thus, under the guise of a border, one understands the circle of ideas and meaning-forming factors within the framework of the personal space, which characterizes a particular person. For example, if a person is not used to communicating with strangers "on" you ", and they begin to treat him like that from the first minute of acquaintance, he begins to experience discomfort or even anger, which signals a violation of the subordination of communication - the social boundary of the individual.
But it is worth remembering that all types of boundaries change only by a person independently within the framework of his consciousness! Therefore, at the beginning of a relationship, it is worth talking about what ideas and preferences your chosen one (s) have in matters that are important to you. This moment will allow in the future to avoid many conflict situations and strengthen relationships, showing not indifference.
Signs of violation of the personal boundary in a relationship
Observing personal boundaries, you can harmoniously build relationships, taking into account the characteristics of each person. But there are a number of people (despotic, narcissistic, selfish) who do not always take into account the personal boundaries of others. In relationships, they rudely violate the boundaries of the personality of any kind, while not experiencing much remorse.
In ordinary day-to-day life, it is difficult to distinguish between breaking boundaries in relationships from emotional stress or other psychological manifestations of anxiety. However, there are a number of signs that indicate that your personal integrity is being infringed upon.
Violation of the personal boundary in a relationship is identified by the following signs:
- Negative emotions, feelings when interacting with a specific person, irritation or dissatisfaction with his words or actions;
- Motivation for action that is contrary to your principles / rules;
- Neglect of one of the characteristics of personal space that protect personal boundaries (disrespect for personal time, careless handling of personal belongings, etc.);
- Offensive statements from another person - disrespect for the individual as a whole;
- Harassment of your body or contrary to your personal beliefs touching.
If you have observed or observe at least one of the above signs, you should immediately think about personal well-being and psychological comfort, as well as physical health, if it comes to physical harassment, and take appropriate measures - talk about your relationship. Otherwise, exclude communication with this person.
Very often, the violation of individual boundaries occurs accidentally or unconsciously, due to the lack of knowledge about them. In this case, the person will apologize for the discomfort caused and will try to find out the boundaries of acceptable behavior in relations with you, filling in the gaps in the idea of a partner.
However, there are also cases when illegal actions are committed intentionally. This is a manifestation of deep disrespect for the personality and its integrity, despotism and authoritarianism of an encroaching person who does not want to reckon with the personal boundaries of another. Any kind of boundaries are violated, the most serious is the violation of the boundaries of the physical body (harassment of intimacy, for example), for which criminal liability is provided in the legislation of any state.
At the moment of the formation of personal boundaries (in preschool and primary school age), it is very important for parents to be understanding with the personal preferences of their child and try not to interfere with the development of the child's individuality. In the future, a small personality will develop an awareness that personal boundaries exist not only for him, thus respect and tolerance towards other people will be fostered.
The violation of personal boundaries occurs at the beginning of a relationship with another person and requires an explanatory conversation. If discussions do not help and your boundaries are unscrupulously violated, then it is wise to end the relationship. After all, health is above all, both physical and psychological. If a child's personal circle is violated, it is worth remembering that this violation can act as a catalyst for the psychological trauma that you and your child will have to live with.
How to keep personal boundaries in a relationship
When entering into a relationship, each person is looking for everything in a partner in which they are similar. This will allow building and developing interaction. In work, this is a general labor activity, in personal relationships - similar meaning-forming factors (faith, ideas about relationships, family values, family ties).
But sometimes people are so carried away by this similarity that they completely forget about their individuality, the boundaries of the personality become blurred, vague or completely erased. A person lives with the ideas, thoughts and feelings of another person. Therefore, it is very important to preserve and define personal boundaries at the very beginning of the path.
To tell your position, you need to clearly represent it in your mind. To do this, it is recommended to write the rules according to which your relationship with a specific person will be built, with the sub-items "Allowed", "Allowed" and "Forbidden".
"Allowed":
- You can call me "You" (social boundary);
- I like to hold hands (physical boundary);
- Walking together (social border);
- Cash payment at your expense (social border);
- I do not like the topic of cars (psychological boundary).
"Acceptable":
- Consensual sex (physical boundary);
- Joint stay with my parents (social border);
- You can express what does not suit you in your relationship with me (psychological boundary).
"Forbidden":
- Profanity in my presence (psychological boundary);
- Sex or physical touch with my unwillingness (physical boundary);
- Offensive remarks about my parents / relatives (psychological boundary).
When personal rules are highlighted in the list, allowing to determine acceptable behavior in a relationship, the personal boundary becomes clearer and more concretized, which allows it to be preserved and conveyed to your partner in an accessible way.
So, the ways to maintain a personal boundary in a relationship include:
- Set boundaries for yourself and stick to them clearly. A compromise is possible, but rather as an exception than as a rule.
- Identification of personal boundaries to a partner in any convenient way: a conversation, a method "by contradiction" (how not to deal with you), recording on any medium (paper, video, etc.). The most important thing is the accessibility of presentation without hidden meanings.
- The presence of the main attributes of the personal boundary: personal time, personal belongings and their protection.
- Harmony with yourself. If there is a feeling that the border is worth changing - do it!
- Maintaining a personal circle of friends. You should not communicate only with the acquaintances of your partner, this can cause "dissolution of your boundaries."
- Spiritual and mental development. The more developed a personality is, the more elastic and mobile personal boundaries become.
- Dreams, desires and personal meanings. Motivation determines our aspirations, this allows us not to lose ourselves.
These methods are available to any person, but they require constant self-regulation and self-development of personal content. Only such individuals are able to build harmonious relationships without losing the boundary and respecting the boundaries of the other person.
How to keep personal boundaries - watch the video:
The problem of personal boundaries is very acute at the stage of the inception of relationships between people and can either be solved or worsened over time. Knowing the signs of violation and ways of preserving the personal boundary, everyone can preserve their integrity and individuality, building harmonious relationships. The main thing is to want it!
