Shyness, its influence on a person's life. The reasons for the occurrence and the main signs of this behavior. Relevant ways to combat shyness. Shyness is an emotional state that makes a person feel uncomfortable, insecure about themselves and their strengths. This feeling is inherent in everyone, but the degree of manifestation is different for everyone. Its formation is influenced by upbringing in the bosom of the family and past experience. Fear of everything new and unfamiliar forces a person to withdraw into himself, can lead to mental deviations.
The effect of shyness on a person's life
In a person's life, shyness can play both the role of a "highlight" and interfere with the achievement of goals, it all depends on the degree of manifestation. When meeting each other and the first joint conversation, attention is always paid to manners, the ability to conduct a dialogue and openness to the interlocutor.
If a person is tactful, moderately embarrassed, does not raise his voice, this indicates his good upbringing. But, if there is always a feeling of fear of everything new, the fear of being in the spotlight and doing something wrong, you need to sound the alarm and look for all sorts of ways to overcome shyness before it's too late.
A shy person is not always an eternally embarrassed and withdrawn person, he can play a role, wearing a quiet mask in public, and behave aggressively and hostile with his family. This type of behavior is caused by the inability to express his opinion in public or to act according to his own desires, after which he finds relaxation in family quarrels, and the clue of such an attitude lies deeply in children's upbringing. Even in infancy, you need to think about the consequences of parental influence.
Shyness result:
- Lack of confidence in yourself and your strengths … A person who possesses this quality loses the ability to independently manage his life, follows the lead of others, while having his own point of view, but ultimately abandoning it. Such people are unable to get a job (they are afraid not to pass an interview and be ridiculed).
- Manifesting fear of authority figures and members of the opposite sex … In the presence of strangers, they feel discomfort and suppression, they are afraid to take the initiative, they do not say what they think, and live by the principle - it is better not to do anything so that they do not scold. Basically, such people are closed and practically do not communicate with representatives of another article (considering themselves unworthy of their attention). They prefer virtual communication and do not make new live acquaintances.
- Various phobias … Shy people cannot force themselves to behave adequately and think clearly, while being exposed to constant fears, which subsequently lead to a depressive state. A shy person in most cases lives his life alone or with his family, never daring to find a common language with society. Unwanted shyness can lead to global phobias, which in turn overshadow the taste of life with sheer fear of all living things.
The main causes of shyness
Many works of scientists and psychologists were devoted to the study of the origin of the so-called shy state in humans and the impact of this manifestation on life.
Opinions agreed on the following reasons for shyness, consider each of them:
- Heredity … If in a married couple someone disposes to the manifestation of shyness, then such a feature can be inherited by the child at the genetic level.
- Influence of parenting … A child exposed to constant prohibitions, reproaches and humiliations runs the risk of becoming insecure with age.
- Inability to make contact … This reason is due to the fact that elementary communication skills have not been formed.
- Low self-esteem … A person who is constantly criticized and condemned over time loses faith in himself and his capabilities.
- Social anxiety … People who are constantly afraid of being rejected, falling into the dirt on their faces.
- Unsuccessful experience … If a person in the past has experienced a mental trauma that shocked him, then later withdrawal and fear of others may arise.
- Created stereotypes … A child who is constantly praised is afraid to stumble and, as a result, is silent, does not express his point of view.
If in the first case, attempts to rectify the situation can lead to failure, then in the rest, vice versa. Education should include both the encouragement of the baby and the prohibitions, the combination will allow you to grow up a person who is open to communication and at the same time knows the edge.
Important! Shyness is not a disease! An overly shy person does not see his own merits and, because of this, he is subjected to his own condemnation. But everything can be changed with a little effort.
The main signs of shyness in a person
Shy people are easy to recognize because they try to hide from sight, thereby attracting attention to themselves. Everyone has a different degree of manifestation of this behavior, ranging from mild embarrassment to depressive panic, and everything depends on the situation that causes this reaction.
There are the following forms of signs of shyness:
- External signs: the person does not start the conversation first, looks away from the interlocutor, talks quietly and uncertainly, answers briefly the questions posed to him and does not support the dialogue with answering stories or questions, looking for an excuse to hide from attention.
- Internal signs: such people know in advance that they are not interesting to others, constantly feel looks with hostility, mentally shame and condemn themselves, are embarrassed in society and feel helpless, awkward.
- Physiological signs: sweating, tears, shaking hands, facial flushing, fragility in the body, chill in the abdomen, palpitations.
Shy people are contradictory, in some situations they themselves give signals, showing that they want to make contact with the interlocutor, and immediately push him away, fearing to do or say something wrong. A person with this quality constantly shames himself, painfully perceives criticism and tries to hide from prying eyes.
Note! If a person is aggressive, this does not mean that he is self-confident and has high self-esteem. Take a closer look, maybe this is a mask behind which is hidden fear and self-respect.
Features of getting rid of shyness
Overcoming shyness is about working carefully and refined on yourself and your thoughts. Until a person at a subconscious level is convinced that he needs it, he will not succeed. To overcome an unwanted disease, you need to mentally imagine yourself healthy, if such an imaginary character is fully satisfied, then you can realize it in life.
Psychologists have developed an up-to-date step-by-step method that will tell you in detail how to deal with shyness:
- Appearance … If a person is shy and always feels a sense of fear, then a stereotype is triggered that he dresses in dark colors that are not striking to those around him, is untidy, does not look after his appearance - after all, he is not interested in this, this is not the main thing in his life. By changing your wardrobe and style, a new look is emerging. Emphasizing your attractive parts of the body, changing the usual hairstyle, a feeling of sympathy for oneself arises, which in the future will push the feeling of dislike for oneself into the background.
- Getting rid of idols … Creating an ideal for himself, a person mentally compares it with himself, as a result of which he acquires self-doubt and, without noticing it, begins to reproach himself for the inadequacy. Convinced of the superiority of another person, there is a desire to completely imitate him, while hiding his own merits and acquiring many complexes. It must be remembered that there are no ideal people, each has both pros and cons. Getting rid of idols, a person throws out from his subconsciousness formed complexes that suppressed his own ego.
- Sociability … Avoiding communication with others, a person protects himself from the knowledge of the world, from friends and acquaintances. The reason for the inability to conduct a dialogue is a small vocabulary, the inability to correctly and accurately express the essence of thought, the fear of saying something wrong and eventually being ridiculed. You can overcome this problem by reading and applying various practical techniques that are aimed at developing the speech apparatus. For example, E. Lapteva “Textbook for the development of speech. 1000 Russian tongue twisters for the development of speech "; D. Carnegie “How to develop self-confidence and influence people by speaking in public” and many others.
- Blanks … Shy people are afraid to get into unfamiliar situations, to avoid the awkward feeling, you need to rehearse your actions in advance. It is advisable to write on paper some kind of blanks for a particular situation and work out the sequence of your gestures, words, facial expressions in front of the mirror, which will help you gain experience, confidence in communicating with people, and subsequently protect you from incidents.
- Getting rid of muscle clamps … All people with shyness feel stiffness in movements during communication, their fear tries to protect a person from negativity, hiding behind the so-called body shell. The clamp created by the body does not allow one to freely express one's emotions, while feeling discomfort and muscle spasm. You can get rid of the shell with the help of breathing exercises that fill the body with energy, through massage, which will help relax tense muscles.
How to overcome shyness
Many people wonder how to get rid of shyness. First of all, you need to raise self-esteem, start listening to yourself and pushing the opinion of outsiders into the background.
How to get rid of shyness in children
Shyness can be temporary (manifests itself only in childhood) or be a character trait. If shyness is observed already at an early stage of development, you need to look for ways to overcome it at the very beginning. Unlike adults, children do not know how to put on masks and hide their feelings, so you can easily identify a shy child.
The methods of dealing with this feature of the child are varied:
- It is necessary to reduce the list of prohibitions for it. If everything is forbidden to the kid, he can withdraw into himself, in fear of doing something wrong.
- Introducing the child to the need to greet passers-by. This method will allow the baby to easily come into contact with people.
- In no case should a child be compared to someone else, because this can lead to the creation of an unwanted idol and a decrease in self-esteem.
- If the kid did something wrong, do not condemn him in the presence of strangers, but talk to him in private, thereby you will protect your child from fear of the public in the future.
- Parents should not put forward excessive demands on the child, because, without calculating his capabilities, you can unconsciously harm.
- Allowing your baby to make their own choices in a given situation, parents will allow him to gain a sense of significance and confidence.
If you adhere to such recommendations in practice, then gradually the child will believe in himself and in his strength. He will see that communicating and making friends with peers is not as scary as he previously thought.
How to overcome shyness in women
At the first meeting, shy women are attracted by their modesty and simplicity, and when there is no contact and fear begins to appear, it scares and repels the interlocutor. Girls who have this character trait run the risk of being lonely and uninteresting. If there is a desire to get rid of this negative manifestation, then you should not hesitate!
First of all, you need to make a list of positive qualities (if you cannot complete the task yourself, you can ask a friend or relative to do it). It is advisable to add to the list those qualities that you would like to have. Every morning and evening, looking in the mirror, you need to re-read what you have written. This method will increase self-esteem and help you realize that not everything is as bad as it seemed.
Secondly, for some women, shyness is provided for by the old-fashioned upbringing, but, looking around, you need to realize that everything is flowing and everything is changing. Only she will achieve success that keeps up with the times.
Thirdly, you need to learn to accept your mistakes calmly. There are no ideal people. It is common for everyone to make mistakes, because it is only thanks to his mistakes that a person gains experience in the future.
How to get rid of shyness in men
According to the famous psychologist Philip Zimbardo, shyness in men is much more common than in women, but it is hidden behind a mask of aggressiveness and hostility. The shyness of men is based on great demands on them, everyone sees in front of them protectors, breadwinners and sexual giants. Fear of not conforming to established stereotypes and forms many fears in their minds.
How to overcome male shyness:
- First, many men are shy about women. To overcome this fear, it is necessary to imagine a communication situation and rehearse it with the help of an inanimate object or toy.
- Secondly, you should develop your communication skills, this can be achieved by expanding your vocabulary and gradually using it in practice.
- Thirdly, in order to stop being afraid of a love relationship with a girl, you should just make friends with her for a start, and during communication the fear will dissipate by itself.
How to overcome shyness - watch the video:
Each person who has convinced himself that he will not cope with his fears runs the risk of living a dull, gloomy and uninteresting life, and whoever puts in a little effort, will work on himself and decide to forget what self-doubt is, will find a good work team instead of friends and a bright future.
