Symptoms of shyness in children of different ages. The main reasons for the occurrence and modern ways of solving this problem. The role of parents in the development and treatment of the syndrome. Tips for a child to get rid of shyness. Shyness in a child is a state of mental health and his behavior among others, the main characteristics of which are timidity, indecision, shyness, fearfulness and stiffness. Most often, it first appears at an early age and gives children such traits as modesty, obedience, restraint. This is how masks are created, behind which the essence, the true character of the child is almost invisible, and also his formation in society as a person is inhibited.
Reasons for the development of shyness in children
It is known that the child's psyche is not yet a fully formed system. Such imperfection makes the child vulnerable to even the most seemingly petty situations. As a result, the brain generates the activation of many defensive reactions, including shyness, secrecy and insecurity.
There are several main reasons for shyness in children:
- Genetic predisposition … To date, due to many scientific studies, it has been proven that heredity is often the main and only triggering factor in the development of such a condition. The accumulation of various mutations in a series of generations endangers every child born in the future. In this case, they speak of almost one hundred percent propensity.
- Natural factors … It is worth mentioning here that each person has a specific type of nervous system. It is believed that it is the introverts (secretive and withdrawn) who are most susceptible to the development of such a quality as shyness. People with melancholic and phlegmatic types of temperament also become a huge risk group, but their absence also does not exclude the possibility of getting it. Studies have shown that over-activity in childhood, which was stopped once, can result in shyness later.
- Social environment … This group includes all kinds of connections between the child and the outside world. Of course, the most important thing is family upbringing. The main problems are increased guardianship or, conversely, remoteness from the child's mental problems. Parents are unable to provide moral comfort and support, deciding everything for him or not being interested in him at all. In this case, shyness is formed persistent and can accompany the whole life. It happens that the reason is hidden in relation to peers. Excessive aggressiveness or activity of other children can suppress the desire to communicate with them.
- Adaptation disorder … Every few years in a child's life, he experiences some kind of adaptive reactions - to crawling, walking, self-care, visiting kindergarten, school and many other institutions. As they arise, positive and negative character traits are formed, which educate the child in the ability to resist external influences. If this process fails, it can lead to the development of insecurity, indecision and shyness.
- Somatic pathology … This refers to the presence of diseases of internal organs, the signs of which can distinguish a child among other children. Most often, this is the presence of any developmental pathologies, traces of burns, frostbite, wounds that have left marks on the body. Very often this becomes the cause of undue attention or even teasing. Also, this reaction can be traced to children with disabilities. In view of this, in order to limit himself, the baby closes, moves away from others, talks less and prefers to be alone most of the time.
- Wrong upbringing … Parental influence primarily shapes the child as an individual. If there is too much of it, excessive custody leads to complete lack of independence and indecision in the future. Also, if maternal custody becomes more stringent and demands on children exceed their capabilities, an inferiority complex arises. Such a child withdraws and considers himself not good enough to manifest in society.
The main symptoms of shyness in a child
It is necessary to start with the fact that the shy child is really suffering. After all, this state guides him in all life situations. He cannot feel comfortable anywhere and with anyone. A constant feeling of insecurity and cowardice haunts every day. Unfortunately, many parents, trying to help, only exacerbate the situation. After all, first of all, they decide to remove the child from making decisions and do it on their own. As a result, more inferiority and insecurity falls on him.
To know how to help your child overcome shyness, you need to learn a few of its signs. Among them:
- Common signs … These include caution and attentiveness at every step. Such children almost never fall off the bike, because it is easier for them not to sit on it at all, so that this does not happen. A quiet voice, increased blood pressure, rapid pulse, abdominal discomfort, profuse sweating, a feeling of tension in all muscle groups, excitement are the main types of children's body reactions to stress. The appearance of blush on the cheeks is also possible. Most often, it is these symptoms that are the first to have a negative effect on the child and pursue him everywhere.
- Self-criticism … Such children are too demanding and cruel in relation to their personality. They constantly think that they are not doing enough in a particular field of activity. This also applies to the appearance and manner of communication with members of the opposite sex. The child does not feel complete, considers himself not good enough in comparison with others. As a result, it becomes alienated and distant from the rest.
- Stealth … This trait implies isolation in any team. Whether it's school or home, the little one cannot share his thoughts and considerations with anyone. In the circle of people, such children try to become invisible, disappear from the crowd and do not like when too much attention is drawn to them. They can tell their opinion or ask for advice only from individual people, and if they themselves want it.
- Shyness … Almost everyone gets an irreplaceable sense of satisfaction when they are praised, but not these children. It is better for them to be in the shadow of their peers, or even to remain unnoticed among the rest. They prefer to hide their ambitions and not advertise, even if they are the owners of many talents.
- Fearfulness … The trait is not specific, but very often accompanies a shy child. The most pronounced is the fear of something new. This can be either a reluctance to change the usual old clothes, or move to a new place of residence. It is very difficult for them to establish contact with strangers, and such children, as a rule, do not want to make new friends at all.
- Indecision … If an ordinary child is called on a trip, he will not hesitate before agreeing. But shy children will weigh everything and doubt for a long time. This applies to everything - what ice cream to choose, what shoes to buy and what to give for a birthday. These questions will torment and scroll in my head several times. Only after weighing all the pros and cons will an answer be given.
- Speech impairment … Often such a manifestation indicates a neglected condition. Children who suffer from shyness due to fear and insecurity start to stutter and stutter. Most likely, this will happen for the first time during a public performance (concerts in a kindergarten or school). And even if at home the story of a poem does not cause additional difficulties, in the circle of strangers everything can change dramatically.
Note! Very often, the listed signs are not considered alarming and are mistaken for the whims of the child, punishing him for this. As a result of such treatment, the state of the baby is even more oppressed.
How to deal with shyness in a child
To achieve any result, it is necessary to understand that shyness is still not just a character trait, but a pathological condition. Only after realizing this, you can start looking for ways to solve this problem. It is worth looking for them immediately, because every day lived with such thinking brings the child to an independent way out of the situation. Often this is leaving home or even attempting suicide. Correcting shyness in children requires an integrated approach involving both themselves and the environment.
Tips for parents
Mom and Dad are the first and most important advisers in a child's life. It is from them that he writes off most of the manners of behavior, and they also correct his own. It is very important that parents monitor the psycho-emotional state of their children and help them adapt to new stages in life. This is especially necessary if their child is experiencing difficulties in communicating and realizing himself as a person.
To know how to overcome shyness in a child, you need to follow these tips:
- Do not scold … Shouting will provoke even greater secrecy and shyness. Children will feel guilty for this behavior and will not come to their parents for advice or help in the future. This will only aggravate the situation and narrow the circle of trust to its complete absence. This behavior will force the child to withdraw into himself, and it will be much more difficult to get him out of this state.
- Interested in personal life … Children in the modern world are small adults. Do not think that there is nothing to talk about with them. These little people contain a huge inner world of worries and worries, which they cannot yet cope with alone. You need to find the right approach to the child, ask what he thinks about, why he performs this or that action, with whom he is friends and what he is sad about. It is very important. If you can become not only a parent to him, but also a friend, you can save him from the problem on your own.
- Be able to listen … Children need to be noticed. Due to the hustle and bustle of everyday life, there is often not enough time for them. And while we imitate attentiveness, children show and tell us about all their troubles. But, unfortunately, sooner or later they get tired of doing it. They get offended, withdraw into themselves and no longer make contact. Therefore, every word uttered by children has its own meaning. One must be able not only to listen to them, but also to hear them in order to have time to notice any problems and correct them.
- Support … Defeats, like victories, need to be able to accept. Children do not always know how to do it right themselves. Often, after just one failure, they never again dare to try to do something again. Parental duty obliges to explain to the child that he is loved the way he is, and perfection is not required of him. You need to teach him to slowly and confidently walk towards his goal, despite previous defeats.
- Become an example … Children are a reflection of their parents. Nobody's traits will be as reflected in them as the traits of a mother in girls and daddy in boys. Being extremely demanding can lead to feelings of shame. The child will be ashamed of his mistakes and worry that he did not live up to expectations. Therefore, parents first of all need to be able to admit their mistakes and show by personal example that this is not scary, but only stimulates further action.
- Encourage … In fact, all children deserve the attention of their parents, and these in particular. Some of the best ways are to go to cafes, an amusement park, and performances. Various comedic performances will help the child learn to perceive himself and not pass off features as oddities. Spending time in a familiar circle has an overall positive effect on children.
Recommendations for the child
Still, it's better to tackle the problem from within. Overcoming shyness in children is their own. No matter how hard others try, the most important step they must take themselves. After all, until the child himself begins to change his attitude towards reality, all attempts to help from the outside will be in vain.
To make it easier for him to do this, you can offer several of the following tips:
- Sure … Even if fear does not leave, it is always necessary to forbid him to express himself in any way outwardly. To make it easier, you need to straighten your shoulders, raise your chin, take a deep breath. This will help show others that there is no panic and, on the contrary, a completely self-confident person.
- Smile … It's a safe bet to gain the trust of your opponent. There is absolutely no need to feign panicky laughter or a fit of laughter. A slight smile on the face will be enough, which will relax and predispose in the future to the rest of the children.
- Look in the eyes … This is the most difficult but most effective remedy. It is believed that a person who is able to keep his gaze on his interlocutor has an advantage over him. Maintaining eye contact also helps maintain a conversation, and the person himself / herself feels more confident and relaxed.
- Actively engage in dialogue … One should not hesitate to ask and willingly answer the questions asked. It is best to start with short verbal skirmishes, and over time, you will be able to easily integrate into any conversation. It is also important to show others that you are interested in what is happening.
- Attend different events … Not the easiest task, but it is of great importance. Indeed, in a wide circle, a shy child will initially only be able to listen and gradually merge into the team. Thus, too much attention will not be attracted to him, and he will be able to independently open up to others. Children's birthdays, holidays are suitable.
- Hobby search … Trying to find yourself is very important. To do this, you can enroll in various circles for creativity, needlework or with a sports bias. In most cases, a favorite business will soon appear, in which you can prove yourself and get a lot of pleasure from it. One of the best options is a theater studio. In such a place, you can develop a huge number of positive qualities, as well as get rid of shyness, indecision and shyness.
- Fight fears … To do this, you need to decide to do what scares you most, to dare to take difficult actions and step over your fear. This always presents many difficulties and obstacles. But after the elimination of at least one fear comes a feeling of pride and joy for oneself.
- Accept shyness … Self-denial ruins the lives of many people. Problems are easier to deal with if they are not feared and accepted. You need to realize your special trait and not be ashamed of it, but transform, change or get rid of it. Once such a feeling comes, it will bring relief in the emotional sphere.
- Get help … Close people exist to help us. Self-reliance is only good where it can eliminate the problem. In this case, taking advice from the outside will be the right decision and will help you quickly adapt to the incomprehensible. Sometimes these are parents, friends, and maybe completely strangers who have found a common language.
- Workout … In most cases, this approach helps the fastest. Exercise not only has a general strengthening effect on the body, but also asserts the position of such a child among the rest (especially if it is a boy). New skills and opportunities are emerging that can only be admired.
How to overcome shyness in children - watch the video:
Shyness in a child is a problem that occurs quite often and can lead to serious consequences. Most of the responsibility for children with this trait belongs to parents, who should not only know about it, but also be able to prevent it. The methods of getting rid of this quality are also quite simple and do not require the use of additional methods of treatment, if used on time. Therefore, watching out for children is the most important and useful advice in this case.
