Unequal marriage - what kind of relationship falls under this definition. Why do people decide on such an alliance. What are the advantages and disadvantages of unequal marriages. How to turn misalliance into a happy relationship. One pure kind of unequal marriage is very rare. More often in life you can see mixes of several types of misalliance.
It is possible to divide into several types also grooms aged, which will determine the "shade" of marriage with him. Types of husbands in a nervous marriage when the wife is younger:
- Inveterate bachelor … That is, a "young" man who has changed his fifth decade and has not yet been married. The desire to prolong the clan and the approaching old age can motivate him to change his life credo. If such a groom has stability and security, there is every chance that he will be an excellent father and husband.
- Lover of women … This type of spouse has already seen and tried a lot. Therefore, he not only looks after beautifully, avoids conflicts and prevents awkward situations, but also requires no less from his companion. Since he has examples to compare, his next passion must necessarily be better than the previous one. You have to be ready to conform.
- Woken up … So you can call men who suddenly break strong long-term family ties for the sake of hobby for a young woman or girl. The most unpredictable type of groom in age, because even if he divorces for the sake of his young passion, there is no guarantee that his passion will not go out as quickly as it flared up. And he again does not want home comfort in an abandoned family nest.
Benefits of unequal marriages
Despite the fact that modern misalliances have a rather dubious reputation, they have a place to be. Consider what attracts the participants of such a union, which is not quite accepted in society, to swim against the tide.
The main advantages of unequal marriage:
- Return of self-confidence … One of the biggest benefits for an older spouse. Both a man and a woman who have crossed the threshold of maturity become more sensitive to the changes that time brings to them. And if for the beautiful half of humanity, appearance is still of great importance, then for the strong half - their masculine strength. Although the visual appeal does not recede into the background. Therefore, a young partner who is nearby not only rejuvenates outwardly, but also ignites his mature lover from the inside. This makes the latter feel more confident and happy.
- Sexual release … Both parties can benefit from age-related misalliance. The older, more experienced side brings experience, confidence, and romance to a sexual relationship. The smaller, more passionate half is emancipation and irrepressible energy.
- The ability to realize the maternal instinct … Women who have not realized the maternal feelings given by nature or no longer have a chance to realize them (children have left, grandchildren have grown up), entering into an unequal marriage, can redirect the energy of care to their spouse. And this will give her no less pleasure than a passionate relationship in her youth. Moreover, it can be either a 60-year-old man or a 20-year-old boy. It all depends on what kind of relationship model the woman prefers.
- Romantic component … Over the years, a person grows wiser and gains experience, but at the same time his sexual energy is declining. And men are more sensitive to this. Therefore, they again begin to appreciate romance and it is on this that they put their main stake in the relationship. Such protracted candy-bouquet periods cannot but please his young wife. And the sight of a contented and happy wife makes him equally contented and happy.
- Material benefit … Whatever one may say, but now very few people will agree to paradise in a hut. Therefore, it is quite logical that a financially secured girl has every chance not only to look good, but also to get a good education, as well as a lot of opportunities for self-development, for the birth and upbringing of children. As well as the young man.
- Maintaining the image … There is a definite benefit to the older half of the misalliance. After all, a young "flower" walking alongside is capable not only of evoking condemning glances, but also envious ones. And also to support the image of a successful or capable man, or a confident and still desirable woman.
- Calmness … Unlike young spouses, older partners value more home comfort and tranquility. Therefore, they try to carefully bypass all possible corners of the relationship, avoid petty quarrels and prevent misunderstandings.
Important! Assessing all the pros and cons of such relationships, it is important to take into account the time factor and soberly assess your prospects. Indeed, over time, some of the pluses can smoothly turn into minuses.
Disadvantages of unequal marriages
Of course, social aversion to unequal marriages is not the only flaw in misalliance. There are several more reasons why such alliances are not promising.
The main disadvantages of unequal marriage:
- Difference of interests … The difference in age and / or social status determines not only the difference in appearance and physical form. The difference in interests is inevitable here. Such partners grew up at different times and in different conditions, so their tastes, preferences and even life attitudes are likely to be different. In addition, everyone knows the tendency of aged people to teach and instruct the young generation on the right path. In an unequal marriage, there is every chance of getting such a "bonus".
- Different views on free time … Leisure activities can also cause no less contention: an elderly spouse with health problems is unlikely to want to spend time at noisy parties or on the mountain slopes. Trips to nightclubs and races in the city at night and a wealthy lady are not very attractive. Especially the one who prefers good rest and healthy sleep.
- Different social circle … The difference in age and social status also forms a different social circle of spouses who decide on an unequal marriage. It is quite logical that it will be difficult for an ordinary girl or guy to fit into the company of people who are accustomed to living in abundance and enjoying all the benefits of civilization. It will be difficult for them to maintain small talk about travel, international politics, fashion shows, science news, etc. You will also need to learn manners of behavior, including in order to beautifully defend your place near a wealthy spouse. It will not be very comfortable for the older spouses in the noisy companies of the peers of the young husband or wife. After all, they can no longer fully share the desire of younger people to dance and have fun all day and night, spontaneously change plans and make rash decisions. In addition, often such fun is "with a degree", and you either can't drink or don't feel like drinking anymore.
- Public rejection … Agreeing to such an official relationship, you need to be ready to defend your position - with your parents and friends, family and friends of your chosen one, at work or school, and even on the street.
- Established character and habits … If something can still be "fashioned" out of a young spouse, then an established adult personality cannot be changed. Therefore, the experience and maturity already mentioned has its drawbacks - established habits, character traits and preferences. We'll have to come to terms with how the senior partner sees this relationship - in everyday life, in behavior, in sex, in the field of communication. You need to be prepared for the fact that you have to endure something and change something in yourself. It will not work to change it (or in it).
- Health problems … This factor cannot be avoided in any way in the misalliance. Even if at the time of painting the husband is 40 years old, the aging process will not stop. Many already at this age have chronic diseases that will surely manifest themselves further. Therefore, a young wife or young husband who wants to extend the life of their older spouses will have to pay great attention to their health. Proper nutrition, a healthy lifestyle, minimizing stress, adhering to restrictions (if they are prescribed by a doctor) - all this should be provided by a young partner to his spouse at an age. So in such a union there will be not only romance.
- Jealousy … Another reason that often poisons such marriages. The youth and external attractiveness of the younger partner attract not only the older spouse, but also other members of the opposite sex. This forces the adult participants to take a lot of effort to keep themselves in shape, but does not eliminate the feeling of jealousy. Moreover, it is growing steadily every year. And it is often justified.
- High risk of cheating … Of course, any marriage is not insured against betrayal, regardless of the age, appearance and social status of the spouses. But in unequal marriages (especially marriages by age and appearance), the risk of such betrayal is much higher. And the main reason here will be pure physiology: a partner at an age is no longer as attractive and not as temperamental as a young wife or young husband wants. Therefore, not a single spouse of age is immune from the fact that his (or her) young partner does not decide to "get additional" the desired love on the side.
- Children … Another stumbling block in the alliance of spouses with a large age gap. First, an older spouse may already have children from a previous marriage, with whom you will have to communicate and find a common language. Secondly, the possibility of having common healthy children in such an alliance is much lower than in an alliance with a peer. Both physiologically and genetically (with age, eggs and sperm undergo genetic changes). Although modern science is ready to help with this.
- Rapid aging … German scientists, studying couples where the husband is much older than his wife, came to disappointing conclusions. For young wives. They found that in such a misalliance, women fade faster. And this is not because the older husband "pulls" her young energy from his wife. On the contrary, scientists believe that the young wife herself emotionally "wears out", trying to match a mature and more experienced husband. Their English colleagues found that women are no better in the opposite misalliance, when she is much older than her chosen one. In this case, the stress that she experiences from the rejection of such a union by others contributes to the reduction in life expectancy. Even if imaginary. Stress can also be increased by worrying about the strength and honesty of the union.
- Force Majeure … If the reason for the misalliance on the part of the young partner is purely mercantile interests, you need to be prepared for any unforeseen situations. For example, an elderly husband or wife may turn out to be still those "lively ones", so it will take much longer to wait for the inheritance than expected. And if you do wait, you may have to "win back" him from his relatives. Or it may happen that the spouse does not include you in the will or simply does not have time to do it. Not to mention the possibility of bankruptcy, divorce, or serious illness.
Another factor that incorrigible romantics need to take into account is that dying on the same day with a spouse, who is many years older, will most likely not work out naturally.
How to keep relationships in unequal marriage
Marriage between people with a large difference in age or social status is actively promoted by many media persons, but so far it remains socially unacceptable. But this does not mean that relationships in unequal marriage cannot be happy. But for this, however, as in a traditional marriage, you need to make an effort.
Top tips for making an unequal marriage happy:
- Become a diplomat … This advice is equally important for a young husband and for a young wife. Since a partner who is the same age as the parents is not exactly what they wanted for their child, try to find common ground that will help them communicate. These can be mutual acquaintances, events, films, music, places of rest - bet on their general nostalgia for youth. Stock up on arguments in favor of your mature partner - both in terms of stability, and in terms of experience, and in terms of a good attitude, and in terms of status and / or material security. Having children together will help melt the ice in relations with parents.
- Evolve … A wealthy spouse is a great opportunity for personal growth. In conditions of material security, you can get a good education, and in conditions of a difference in social status, it is simply necessary to get it. It also makes it possible to develop your abilities, improve yourself. That is, to do everything to "grow" to the level of your successful partner and become a worthy match for him. Moreover, in any case, it is the young half who will have to change and adapt.
- Respect your partner … Sometimes mutual respect holds together even more than love. Such tactics in relationships are extremely relevant in order to make an unequal marriage happy. Therefore, the younger participant in such a union needs to learn to respect the habits, opinions and life principles of his mature spouse. Avoid conflict situations and take into account his (her) capabilities, desires.
- Provide care … Since the reverse coin of the misalliance is health problems that a mature spouse already has or will definitely have, the young partner needs to be prepared for this turn of events. And not only morally. It is necessary to learn all the possible factors that can cause a deterioration or exacerbation of an existing chronic disease, and carefully guard against them. That is, to become not only a mistress, but also a good housewife, friend and doctor.
- Make friends with his children … If in the life of the older partner there are children from previous relationships, you need to find a common language with them. At the very least, congratulate you on the holidays, be interested in life and not interfere with communication with your parent. The maximum is to become friends. A good relationship with your spouse's children will only add points to you (and not only in his or her eyes) and strengthen the marriage even more.
- Find compromises … The difference of interests will emerge, if not immediately, then over time. But this is not a reason to pout your lips and adjust the older partner for yourself. Find a happy medium of leisure time that suits both. You don't have much fun with his friends, but he is uncomfortable with your girlfriends - suggest organizing such meetings outside the home. He loves football, billiards or fishing with friends - don't limit his hobbies. And you will have a chance that he will also let you dance with your friends in the club.
- Be tolerant … Over the years, not only the appearance, but also the character of a person deteriorates. Therefore, despite the enthusiasm and tender attitude towards your young partner, reproaches, complaints, moralizing from a mature spouse can break through in a relationship. Mood changes can be caused by a variety of factors - from a change in the weather to a cup placed in the wrong place.
Important! Senior members should also make efforts for a successful union. And here you can give some basic advice: take care of yourself and your health, do not blame financially, do not be jealous, do not engage in overprotection, do not try to keep up with the rhythm of life of a young partner and do not think about the bad.
Watch a video about unequal marriage:
An unequal marriage can be successful and happy for both spouses. It is important that awareness, trust and sincere feelings are present in it, and if the latter are not there, then honesty and respect. And also a willingness to resist public opinion and gossip.
