What is intimophobia, causes and symptoms in men and women, methods of treating this disease. Intimophobia is a pathology of mental development when a man or woman avoids close communication. Often such people suffer from loneliness. And if they do get married, it does not last long because of all sorts of fears that make a person suspicious and suspicious of his partner.
Description and mechanism of development of intimophobia
The very word "intimophobia" contains the answer. This is a fear of trusting relationships with the opposite sex. Not necessarily intimate! Such fear can be conscious when a man diligently avoids contact with a woman, or vice versa, she is afraid of him. In everyday life, such people are called intimophobes, although not all of them shy away from sex. It even happens to be carried away by it.
The reasons for this "proud" loneliness are usually psychological. Although they may have a social background, and in severe cases lie in the pathology of the development of the body or psyche.
About a third of the world's population are single men and women. However, this does not mean at all that they all suffer from intimophobia. Most of these live in industrialized countries. People with high material wealth often do not marry, not because they are afraid of intimacy, they are afraid of losing their financial and personal freedom. Here we should talk about the social factor of fear of close contacts between the sexes.
How intimophobia arises and develops, experts do not give a definite answer. Some psychologists consider the fear of starting close relationships a mental illness and associate this with the peculiarities of the child's development in the family. Let's say a baby grows up without a father and all the time hears bad words from her mother about men. This takes root in the subconscious, the girl intuitively tunes in to a negative attitude towards her peers. And when she reaches puberty, the very idea of intimacy is wild for her.
On this basis, various neuroses arise that make life bleak. With age, such a person becomes withdrawn, often lives alone. And when he is asked about marriage (marriage), he often answers: "Come on, their men (women), you won't get around the trouble, it's better to live yourself."
And if such people nevertheless enter into intimate relationships, they try not to continue them for a long time, not seeing any romance in this. But nature requires its own, the body needs sexual relaxation. And then they often change partners, many are quite satisfied with "sex for one night". Such promiscuous sex life is harmful to health, it is accompanied by sexually transmitted and mental illnesses. The opposite point of view is that the fear of companionship (and sexual intimacy) is nothing more than just a whim. Quite a bad habit that appeared due to psychological or social reasons. Let's say bad character or wrong upbringing.
For example, a boy fights with girls all the time, and his parents indulge him that "they are to blame, there is nothing to pester!" The guy gets into the habit of looking down on his peers. She goes into adulthood. And now a ready-made intimophobe! This does not mean that he is opposed to sex, but he will never be able to build a close, trusting relationship with a woman. Many times it can converge and diverge, but in the end it will remain lonely.
It's important to know! If a person is lonely, this is not yet a sign of intimophobia. In each case, there may be very specific reasons.
The causes of intimophobia
The reasons for intimophobia are different. This may be a congenital pathology. Let's say a boy was born with an underdeveloped genital organ. And if the correction operation was not carried out in a timely manner, this will leave a serious imprint on the psyche during puberty. The guy will start to avoid women. Factors acquired in the process of life should be called psychological. For example, the baby grew up in a dysfunctional family. Mother constantly scolded her father for drinking, this left its mark on the girl's character. She began to consider all “uncles” bad, and when she grew up, she transferred this attitude to her relationships with men. The social roots of fear of intimate relationships with the opposite sex are ambiguous. There may be fear of losing your independence or having a child. "I am free, like a bird in flight!" This phrase was probably invented by intimophobes, it clearly characterizes their desire to distance themselves from family and children in life.
All these reasons are manifested in one way or another in both men and women. With characteristics inherent to each sex. Let's take a closer look at this.
The reasons for the development of intimophobia in women
Intimophobia in women has its own background and can develop from childhood. Why are they afraid of close relationships with men? There are many reasons for this. This can be considered a congenital pathology. When it’s impossible to have intimacy at all. This may be due to a defect in the reproductive organs, which were malformed even in the womb. An inherited mental illness, say, schizophrenia. All such severe cases require medical intervention, although there is no guarantee of cure at all.
Psychological factors are often intertwined with social ones. It is difficult to single out some of them in their pure form. These include:
- Inadequate family or improper upbringing … Let's say a baby grows up without a father. Male attention is not enough, and if the mother was still offended by her former husband and speaks out in front of her daughter in an extremely unflattering way, this makes a depressing impression. The girl, thanks to her mother, begins to "see clearly" that "all men are bastards, nothing good can be expected from them."
- Excessive requirements … A woman makes great claims to men, but she is far from them. For example, he should be "seven inches in the forehead", necessarily with a car, without a belly, but not too thin, and not bald, but with a forelock. Such "tough" selection ultimately leads to short-term relationships and ends in loneliness. It is justified by the phrase that "real men are bred, there is no one to build a family with."
- Domineering character … A successful, independent woman in life often looks down on men. And if they are subordinate to her, she simply cannot imagine a close relationship with one of them. And she often remains lonely, suffers from her contrived intimophobia.
- Homosexual … Rough sex, often the fault of men, makes emotionally vulnerable women seek pleasure in intimate relationships with their girlfriends. The credo of such liberated couples: “We don’t need rude dorks”!
It's important to know! Intimophobia in women is often far-fetched and is subject to psychotherapeutic correction.
The reasons for the development of intimophobia in men
Intimophobia in men develops according to the same scenario as in women. Although they are far from always shunned by ladies, there are still behavioral features that make us talk about the fear of intimate relationships with the fair sex.
These include:
- Pathological cases … Concerns problems with the normal development of the penis. Such a complication can be "deaf", that is, forever.
- Sexual Disorder … This is the most serious psychological cause of intimophobia. May be a consequence of a disease, for example, chronic prostatitis. The man chilled his genitals, his erection disappeared. Unsuccessful sex became a reason to avoid women. You need to go to the doctor, but he is afraid. On this basis, a neurosis arises, a binge can begin. And his misfortune will be attributed to women, they say, "they are all bitches, there is nothing to mess with them."
- "The eternal bachelor" … A man does not shy away from women, sexually he is quite "adequate", but he pulls with his marriage. Deliberately avoids her for various reasons. And such may be thoughts that he has not yet finished his own, and therefore "my half has not yet met." Bad love is also a reason for loneliness. The young man got stress and began to think badly about women that it is not worthwhile to associate his life with them.
- Unimportant upbringing … Suppose the father always quarreled with the mother and spoke ill of women. The son learned such a fatherly "mandate" and he himself began to latently treat them with distrust. In itself, intimacy does not bother him, but a close trusting relationship with a girl scares him. And if the character is still emotionally unstable - explosive and absurd, intimophobia is evident.
- Mama's son … This usually happens with infantile men. The son only loves his mother. In childhood, this is good, but his parents did not open his eyes in time, that with age you can fall in love with another woman, who should become the only and most desirable. Mom for him remained an authority in all cases of life. If he is married, on this basis conflicts often arise with his wife, up to a divorce. And quite often such people do not marry at all and live with their mother all their lives.
It's important to know! Male intimophobia in the overwhelming majority of cases depends on improper upbringing in childhood.
The main symptoms of intimophobia in humans
The external and most important symptom of intimophobia is loneliness and bad attitude towards the opposite sex. This applies equally to both men and women. But sometimes intimophobes are inherent in the other extreme, they are hypersexual, they often marry (get married), but quickly disperse. This is due to character traits, an irrepressible desire to find something special in a relationship. Other visible "aggravating circumstances" for fear of intimacy include:
- Constant love … If he or she is very amorous and constantly changes the object of his passion. This speaks of the inconstancy of feelings, perhaps of the fear of deep relationships, of the unwillingness to start a family.
- Frequent marriages and divorces … Fear of close friendship is not the best advisor in family matters. Such people, as a rule, get divorced after several years of marriage. But sexual desire again pushes to find a partner, and the ending is again sad. In their declining years, such persons suffer from loneliness. An example is the biographies of famous Hollywood actors and actresses. For example, Marilyn Monroe married several times unsuccessfully, more than once appeared in front of journalists without underwear. Abused alcohol and drugs. All this is a clear indication of the manifestation of intimophobia.
- Civil marriage … When there is no desire to consolidate your relationship for a long time, because there is no sense of duty. It seems to be close people, but do not trust each other. Just a little, there is always the opportunity to scatter. This is also an external sign of intimophobia.
- Frequent quarrels … "Lovely ones scold, only amuse themselves." This is far from true. The inability to listen to each other and find a common language is often a sign of the "superiority" of one over the other. And this is one of the manifestations of the fear of close relationships.
- Indifference to alcohol and drugs … Intimophobes outwardly quite often look friendly. They do not abuse alcohol and drugs, for them sex is in the first place. But this is not always the case. A series of constant failures in communication with women (men) can lead to the development of severe depression, when a bottle or drug replaces a partner and becomes a best friend. This is the case when treatment is needed.
- Bad reviews … Let's say a young man is dating a girl, but in a conversation with friends he always speaks badly of her. Some women don't have good words about men. Unlike falling in love, this is the other extreme of intimophobia.
It's important to know! Symptoms of intimophobia are similar to the manifestations of another neurosis. Only a doctor can establish them.
Ways to combat intimophobia
There is no definite way to treat intimophobia. Since the vast majority of men and women suffering from a fear of intimate relationships do not consider their condition to be a disease. But this mental disorder is a neurosis that needs treatment. How to build your relationship with intimophobia should be decided by the person suffering from such a neurosis. One thing is certain that if it is “available”, nothing good will come of it. The first and necessary condition is to realize your dependence on the fear of intimate relationships and try to get rid of it. There are several ways to do this.
Independent actions in the fight against intimophobia
If the fear of intimacy has not gone too far, the intimophobe can remove his negative thoughts towards the opposite sex himself. A complex of relaxation gymnastics is quite suitable for this, it will remove excessive stress in the psychoemotional sphere, improve the general condition of the body, and raise mood.
The simplest exercises can be done while lying, sitting, standing, or even walking. Clothing should be for sports and nothing more - watches and different chains there. The essence of training is tension and relaxation of a specific muscle group. For example, tilt the body forward or backward for a few seconds (muscles tense, inhale), then return to the starting position (relaxation, prolonged exhalation). Repeat the exercise several times depending on the state of health.
If such gymnastics is combined with meditation, when there is a detachment from "all pressing problems" and concentration on one of your problems, which you need to get rid of, it brings a positive effect. Provided that there is a desire and will to solve it.
An independent method of treating intimophobia is suitable only for persistent, purposeful people who have realized their unenviable position and want to correct it.
Psychotherapy in the fight against intimophobia
If a person is not able to cope with his phobia of intimate relationships on his own, then you need to contact a psychotherapist. He will help to cope with fear and, at his discretion, select the right treatment method.
The most successful modern psychotherapeutic practices are promising. For example, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or gestalt therapy. They are aimed not only at ridding the patient (patient) of their fear, but helping to find the right solution, how to replace it. The best option is selected, which will help replace the fear of close relationships with a woman (man) with benevolent contacts with her.
In this case, the personal qualities of the patient (patient), living conditions, family circumstances, work, relationships with friends and relatives are necessarily taken into account. This is the key to the success of psychotherapeutic sessions.
Hypnotherapy can also play a positive role. This applies to people subject to hypnosis. In a state of hypnotic sleep, the hypnologist makes the patient replay his frightening situation and instills a way out of it. Of course, there is interference in the subconscious, but sometimes only this method is the most effective.
It's important to know! Psychotherapy is the only medical method to get rid of intimophobia. The main thing is that a person suffering from such fear knows this. There is no drug treatment for intimophobia. Severe, pathological forms of it are already life-long. How to get rid of intimophobia - watch the video:
Intimophobia is a sad, sad state of many men and women. They could not build their relationship with the opposite sex in a spirit of benevolence and love. The reasons for this "numbness" of feelings lie in upbringing and personal qualities. Sometimes they are acquired due to various life situations. Often this ends with neuroses requiring treatment for a different symptom. Often such people suffer from loneliness. To prevent this from happening, you need to learn to love "your neighbor as yourself." There are always opportunities for this. Only in this case the world around will open up to the intimophobe in all its colors.
