Life after marriage becomes a real challenge for young people. It is important to know the causes of potential conflicts, methods of how to get out of them, as well as general rules for a comfortable stay. This will be discussed in the article. Life after the wedding is a new stage in relations, new rules for the coexistence of two loving people on the same territory. And there is no need to be afraid of what will happen next. Newlyweds should be prepared for huge changes in their married life that just need to be accepted.
Causes of problems in life after honeymoon
Wedding day is the most desirable for a couple in love. Preparation, long expectations, marriage, solemn wedding ceremony, exchange of rings, happy and beautiful young people - these moments become unforgettable and leave indelible impressions in the soul. A marriage certificate has already been received, a passport with the husband's surname, and here the most interesting begins. The newlyweds are gradually realizing that, whatever one may say, huge changes have taken place in their lives. They ask themselves questions: are they ready for them, what lies ahead, how to make life in a legal marriage as cloudless as before the wedding.
The honeymoon flies by imperceptibly, the first morning of everyday family life comes, the spouses wake up and still do not fully understand that the holiday is over, but the daily routine begins. No matter how hard they try, after a month or two in legal marriage, they begin to experience a little disappointment with how life changes after the wedding.
The reasons why castles in the air begin to crumble are most often the following:
- Mismatching expectations of reality … Many women are in the clouds and imagine their future spouse in the form of a wonderful prince on a white horse. The harder it is for them to perceive the changes that are taking place in their life together. And men are often mistaken, thinking that his girlfriend after the wedding will remain the same pliable, with an angelic character and trouble-free.
- Problems in intimate life … There are times when some newlyweds have difficulties right after a festive banquet, when they are left alone. It may happen that already on their wedding night, both can unpleasantly surprise each other, especially those who did not have sex before the wedding.
- Lapping process to each other … Usually it manifests itself in the fact that everyone has habits developed over the years, and when they live together, they have to put up with a new way of life. Young spouses begin to get irritated, often over trifles, express their displeasure, followed by quarrels. In such cases, both need to understand that it is better to restrain their emotions, smooth over sharp corners or, if possible, bypass them in order to avoid a scandal.
- Household responsibilities … As you know, young people begin to build their lives in a new family, taking the example of their parents as a basis. Therefore, when the newly-made husband refuses to help around the house, cook and clean, and the wife, in turn, does not consider it necessary, for example, to iron his trousers, as his mother did, scandals cannot be avoided.
- The intervention of counselors - parents and friends … Everyone sometimes considers it his sacred duty to give tips, advice, to direct the thoughts of young people "in the right direction." Quite often, parents begin to whisper to their children how to remodel their soul mate, what flaws he showed after the wedding, etc.
- Small child … It becomes a real challenge for a couple who have already lived together for a long time. For young people who are just learning to live together, he can become the main source of scandals. Fatigue, the inability to sacrifice oneself, one's interests and freedom for the sake of the baby, the lack of an intimate life in the first months, the inability to pay enough attention to each other lead to the accumulation of irritability, depression, and disappointment. The problems are especially acute for those who have a child in the first few months after the wedding, as well as those whose grandparents are in no hurry to take an active part and give at least a little free time to their even adults, but young children.
These are the most common reasons why life after marriage among young people begins to endure dramatic changes. Unfortunately, not everyone is able to cope with the piled-up problems. Therefore, the divorce rate in the first year of life is quite high. The advice of experienced couples and psychologists will help to cope.
Important! Remember, if you have not been able to avoid an argument, do not raise your tone. Unfortunately, many do not adhere to this wisdom, and the scandal is gaining such momentum that it turns into a huge one, with a transition to personalities, and also with extremely painful experiences after.
How to deal with problems in your personal life after marriage
Living together largely depends on the mutual understanding of the couple, without it there will be no harmony in the family. Despite the fact that before marriage they heard each other perfectly, now this may not be the case, and there is no need to take it with hostility. Having dealt with the reasons why the life of a couple in love after the wedding changes, you need to look for solutions.
Relationships with parents after marriage
Parents play, whatever one may say, a significant role in the life of a young couple. They can both add fuel to the fire of a relationship and help smooth things over. Building the right relationship with them can be tricky. However, the couple should make an effort to keep their own. This requires:
- Change your demeanor … Think about the family of the second half even before the wedding, find out what is the manner of communication between his parents, what is the moral situation in their house. If there is comfort in it, relations are warm and friendly, then you can breathe a sigh of relief. But if the situation is tense, then be sure that problems cannot be avoided. You should try to learn lessons and try to avoid poignant moments. Most likely, the girl will copy the mother, and the guy - the father. However, in this case, you can act on the contrary: look at the other half of the older generation and do the opposite.
- Move away from conflicts … Small domestic quarrels when living in the same territory are almost inevitable. After all, the older housewife will surely teach the younger one how to cook, take care of her son. If the couple lives in the territory of the wife's parents, then conflicts often arise in relation to the chosen one, since, due to age or habits, he does not do what they want, does not earn enough, etc. In this case, young people need to either learn to adapt by fulfilling the requests of their elders, or change their place of residence by simply moving out to an apartment. It is the last decision that most often becomes the most optimal for the preservation of the family.
- Avoid insults … You never need to exacerbate the situation, even if the spouse's parents are wrong a hundred times. Your opinion and rightness, of course, must be defended. But this must be done delicately, in a smart way, without becoming personal.
- Understand the reasons for the behavior … In no case should you succumb to provocations, violently expressing protests. The couple should still try to understand them, since each parent worries about his child, even an adult, especially if he is the only one with them. Therefore, you need to make every effort so that parents do not doubt for a single minute the love and loyalty of the chosen one of their beloved child. If you make an effort and work every day to create harmony, comfort and understanding in a pair, then relations with parents will be improved. They will see the care and desire to make their child happy and will definitely accept a new family member.
A woman, as the keeper of the family hearth, will have to be wise and flexible, support her beloved spouse, help him in any situation, no matter how difficult it may be. A man should also support his spouse, protect her from open conflict with relatives. Only joint and well-coordinated work will help establish warm relations between the older and younger generations.
Establishing life after the wedding
Every young family starting a life together is faced with the so-called "household". So that feelings do not cool down, it is important for spouses to listen to each other, discuss all family issues together. The main problem is that both need to fundamentally rebuild their lives. But this, unfortunately, is not the only problem of life after the wedding. Much more serious is the emergence of a misunderstanding between husband and wife. This is the division of responsibilities at home, a different vision of decisions related to home improvement. Often, agreement on these issues is very difficult to reach.
There are several tips that must be followed so that family life is not destroyed by everyday problems:
- Conclusion of a contract … It is recommended to agree with each other that housework is the same job as any other, so the young wife also needs a day off. Provided that a woman periodically rests from household chores, next time she will do this work more willingly and with even greater pleasure. You can draw up a comic agreement on who is responsible for what in the family, dividing responsibilities equally. It is not bad if the spouse helps his beloved woman with household chores. And his wife can subtly advise him, for example, to fix the tap in the house and at the same time will serve him tools.
- Don't forget to have fun … It is very important to somehow diversify everyday family life. To do this, on weekends (Saturday and Sunday) and holidays, you need to spend more time outside the home: go on vacation to the mountains, forest or lake, if you have your own dacha outside the city, then more often go there together, take walks to the park, cinema or a cafe, visiting close friends. Trust that this will only strengthen your marriage.
- Romance and gifts … These are important attributes of a happy life. Small surprises, bouquets of flowers, a warm dinner by candlelight - without this it is impossible to keep the love that was before the wedding.
Family budget as an important factor in life after marriage
In every family, sooner or later, a question related to the distribution of income arises - one of the most important and at the same time the most scrupulous. How to behave:
- If dad is the main earner in the family … It so happens that only a man earns in a family. Then the wife must take on the main responsibilities of the house: maintain cleanliness and order in the home, provide tasty and healthy food, as well as a calm and cozy atmosphere, and take care of the children.
- If mom does better … Quite often there are situations when a woman brings income to the house, or her salary is much higher than that of her husband. In such cases, you need to be careful, the main thing is not to blame each other. The right decision would be to calmly discuss the situation that has developed. In the end, there is nothing wrong with that, as many families live this way.
- Reasonable approach to money is the key to peace of mind … Both spouses should wisely manage the family budget: first, buy the essentials, then only what can be put aside. Ideally, if at least 10% of income can be put aside. If two people work in a family, then it is imperative to discuss by whom, where and how much the common money will be spent, including the payment of utilities, food, purchases of things for household needs, clothes, etc. If, with different opinions, the spouses can still come to an agreement, then the moral and psychological climate in the house will not be disturbed.
Important! You should never ask the other half to lay out the entire salary on the table. Each of the spouses has the right to their own personal pocket money, at least in order to sometimes pamper themselves or surprise the other.
Friends as an integral part of life after marriage
Each of the newlyweds had their own social circle before the wedding. After marriage, the majority of acquaintances and even friends are eliminated. But there are those that are for life. On the one hand, getting married or getting married is not a reason to part ways with your best friends. But, on the other hand, each family life has its own way of life: it is chores, work, children. Naturally, by the end of the day there is no longer any energy left to go on a visit or invite friends to his home. If each of the spouses constantly spends time with friends, it will look as if he wants to avoid family and family problems. Often men sin this. In such cases, the wife should take everything into her own hands, create a cozy and hospitable atmosphere in the house, so that friends become common and do not divide into "mine" or "yours."
By creating a large circle of communication between friends of both spouses, if possible, inviting them to visit as often as possible, thereby you can solve this problem and further strengthen the relationship.
Personal time even in family life
Each of the couple is entitled to their own personal time. It is common for a person to be alone sometimes, to put his thoughts in order, to dream. Or sit with friends outside of your family.
You cannot forbid each other, at least occasionally, to spend personal time only on yourself, otherwise quarrels and scandals will begin. And they will definitely appear if the spouses do not understand and trust each other. The second half will begin to feel not free or not free, gradually will begin to move away from the family.
To prevent this from happening, you should not dwell on this issue, you should let your half go to a meeting with friends without any problems. And believe that they will appreciate such actions. But don't forget about yourself. After all, everyone has the right to also spend their personal time on themselves, their interests. Such actions, which are based on trust and understanding, will only bring husband and wife closer together. And the freedom that partners feel in the family will not give a reason to look for it on the side.
Also, a little freedom every night is important. Of course, the wife and child were waiting for her husband from work, they want to talk to him. But the first half hour is better to give him a little rest, relax, switch. Then the communication will take place in a calm atmosphere.
How to cope with the crisis of the first year after the wedding
After a year of living together, spouses often complain that their significant other has changed a lot. No, they say, already the attention that was before. After that, hasty conclusions are made that the feelings allegedly faded away.
In most cases, this is a delusion, and it is not a fact that love has finally left home. The point is that every person is not without sin. But before the wedding, it is not always possible to discern his negative character traits in his beloved, since most often they simply try not to show them. In life under one roof, of course, it all comes to the surface.
The most important thing is the diligence and desire to do and act so that the love in the hearts of the spouses does not fade away, so that minor troubles cannot separate them. For this:
- Accept the half with all the flaws. It is believed that the first year of life after the wedding is the year of grinding in the spouses. Over time, they begin to open up to each other more and understand each other better. Marriage is hard work for both. You need to learn to accept your loved one for who he is, including putting up with his shortcomings. If this succeeds, and the desire to remake a person for himself does not exceed common sense, then the marriage will be truly happy and long.
- Step back and accept your opponent's opinion. In some situations, it is better to simply agree than to prove yourself right by exacerbating the problem.
- Act wisely and analyze your actions. They are the key to a happy life. At the same time, the basis of the foundations of relations between a man and a woman was and remains love and an inexhaustible desire to be together, to devote all of oneself to a loved one, to listen, trust, appreciate each other, be one, and such a family will surely live in peace, love and harmony.
- If the chosen one (chosen one) came (came) home not in the mood, do not load with your problems and unnecessary information from the doorway. Try to cheer you up with something pleasant, such as a delicious dinner, or just attention and warm words. In such cases, you cannot be intrusive. Do not insist on a serious conversation, but let me know that you are always ready to listen and support.
- Overcome depression together. Unfortunately, many people experience this condition after marriage. As a result, a bad mood, despondency, emptiness, which leads most couples to divorce. According to statistics, it is for this reason that many young couples divorce in the first years of marriage. The reasons for such depression can be of a different nature: a person is frightened by thoughts about how his future life will develop, as well as the responsibility entrusted to him, the lack of a sense of freedom. If we talk about freedom, then marriage or marriage does not deprive her. Spouses can still meet with their friends, you just can't abuse it. Here, as, indeed, in all similar cases, you need to find understanding with your soul mate. And for this, you just need to sit down and calmly discuss this issue, determine for both rules what is acceptable and what is categorically not. To come to a common decision, if love and respect for each other reign in the family, it will not be difficult.
- Be aware of the situation. As for the burden of responsibility, then you need to look from the position of "the glass is half full." There are two loving people nearby who must trust each other in any situations, mutually support and share the burden of responsibility on both. And so that none of the newlyweds have the thought that after the wedding he lost that warmth and affection that was before, you need to set common goals for yourself - to go on a trip, buy a car, build a house or, finally, give birth to a child. You can schedule whatever you want. The main thing is the patience and moral maturity of the couple, because in order to achieve something, it takes some time. Common goals and aspirations will bring the family together. And every year, and with every achievement, the spouses' attraction to each other will only become stronger.
How to deal with problems after the wedding - watch the video:
You should always remember that there is a way out of any situation, even the most difficult one. And if there is a loved one nearby who is ready for anything for the sake of another, it will definitely work out to find him and overcome all difficulties.
