The problem of hysterics in children of different ages, the main reasons for their occurrence. Universal templates for the correct response of parents to children's whims. Psychologist's advice on raising a child without such manifestations. A child's tantrum is a kind of signal for action, an active way to express inner feelings (resentment, unwillingness to do anything, disgust, pain) and show them using the most effective method. First of all, he wants to attract attention to himself. Otherwise, he would have just come up and expressed his position, opinion or dissatisfaction. Very often, children's tantrums begin quite suddenly and in the most inappropriate place (in medical, educational and other institutions, in public) and when you least expect it. It is far from always possible to guess the reason for this behavior in a particular case, so parents need to know how to calm a child during a tantrum.
Causes of tantrums in children
Emotional reactions in the form of crying and screaming are one of the most effective signals of discomfort that a child can send. In some cases, such a reaction indicates not only direct needs, but also reveals other desires that the baby is used to realizing in this way.
In general, several immediate causes of tantrums can be identified:
- The only way to express … This reason is found in crumbs up to the 1st year of life, when they do not know how to express their discontent, discomfort, pain, emotions in any other way. Babies are too small to react differently to what is happening, so they often throw such tantrums. Most often this happens if the teeth are being cut, the tummy, the head hurts. The child perceives such sensations as a strong threat and often cries.
- Immaturity of the emotional system … Slightly older children gradually learn to speak and may in some cases say that they are not satisfied with it. Often a child from 1 to 3 years old, despite the fact that he can express his feelings differently, throws a tantrum, since this method is more familiar to him. This also happens at an older age. This is due to the fact that the emotional component of the psyche is just maturing. Many processes are not developed at a sufficient level to provide a normal response to stress or to express inner experiences in another way.
- Manipulation … A child begins to learn this peculiar art from the age of 3. In some cases, children can be manipulated with tantrums at an earlier age, but this rarely happens. Prior to this period, almost all of the baby's needs were immediately satisfied, so it is very difficult to accept a refusal for a child for the first time. In addition, children are faced with the concept of compromise and smart choice for the first time. At this age, they quickly realize that with the help of hysteria, you can achieve more than just words. This often indicates that very little attention is paid to the child and his words are not listened to, so he is forced to choose a louder way of expressing his own feelings and emotions.
- A change of scenery … It is very important for almost every baby to feel the stability of the external circumstances that surround him every day. The established way of life provides him with a sense of well-being, which can disappear when circumstances change. The birth of a second child in the family, moving to another house / apartment, the beginning of visits to a kindergarten, divorce of parents and other reasons for a child's tantrums have a heavy effect on the psyche of a little person. Often, even adults are unable to cope with such news, and for children they become shocks. It is to them that a hysterical emotional reaction can often develop.
The main signs of hysteria in a child
The manifestation of an emotional outburst in children can be completely different. First of all, it depends on the character and inclinations of the baby. For some, crying in a crowded place is unpleasant, they are embarrassed by those around them, while for others, extra attention only intensifies the hysteria. Therefore, different children may react to the same factor in completely different ways. In addition, the signs of hysteria depend on the specific age at which the child can afford something, his upbringing and manners.
There are several forms that can be components of a child's emotional outburst:
- Scream … This is often the first reaction that triggers a cascade of others. Indicates acute indignation, resentment, pain or other sensation that is acutely troubling the baby at a particular moment in time. That is, the child suddenly begins to scream, while frightening not only the parents, but also the surrounding adults and children, who are in a hurry to help him. During a cry, the baby may not see or hear what is happening around, so the words addressed to him at that moment are rarely useful.
- Cry … The usual emotional reaction in the form of loud shedding of tears most often occurs in public and with the expectation of a defensive response from the parents, who will immediately rush to calm the baby. Simple crying attracts the attention of other children and puts the child in an advantageous position. Adults pay attention to him and try to quickly satisfy the wishes of the little hysterical. Sometimes, crying like this does indeed indicate the physical or psychological pain that is bothering the baby.
- Sobbing … Often the baby cries bitterly, having time to choke on his own tears at the same time. This is a sign of unfolding hysteria, which is only gaining momentum. At the same time, tears flow in streams, and sobs add drama and bitterness to the sad image. In children with asthma, crying like this can make them feel short of breath. If this cry is believable, it can harm your health and even cause nervous system problems in the future. This form of hysteria lasts long enough until the parents (others) take action that will allow the child to calm down. The surging emotions take a lot of energy, so the child, even in the middle of the day after such sobs, can fall asleep, taking away the night's sleep.
- Behavioral changes … A frequent companion of hysterics in children is various motor and motor reactions, which can even be aggressive in nature. That is, in the easiest variants of the course of such behavioral tantrums, there is scattering of things around, stamping with feet, throwing toys on the floor. The child will independently use energy to calm the inner emotional storm. Sometimes he breaks, tears apart toys, breaks some parts, bangs his fists or his head against the wall and may even get hurt. Aggressive behavior threatens not only the health of the baby, but also the surrounding children and adults. By breaking glass objects, the child runs the risk of injury or harm to someone else. At the time of such outbreaks, children often do not feel pain, it comes later with the awareness of what has been done or with the look of blood coming out.
Ways to deal with tantrums in children
Undoubtedly, a child's hysteria requires intervention from the parents, and sometimes the help of an outside specialist. Very often, such behavior can indicate the presence of internal psychological problems that can manifest themselves in adulthood. It is important to provide the baby with timely assistance and make sure that such a reaction does not become the main one in the future. Proper upbringing and guidance from his parents will save him from psychological trauma of childhood and an immature psyche in adulthood.
Child education
As you know, the most effective treatment is prevention. Having correctly raised a child and instilled in him norms of behavior from childhood, you can get rid of the need to extinguish hysteria in the future. That is why you should devote a lot of time to communicating with your child and teach not only with the help of circles, educational games and TV shows, but also ordinary conversations. The socialization of a little person should begin with the parents explaining the rules of the external world and those attitudes that will help to give the correct emotional reaction in the future.
There are several important aspects of such upbringing, which will save children from hysterical explosions:
- Establishing a framework … For example, a child from the first years needs to be told that you cannot behave the way you want, absolutely everywhere. There are specially designated places where you can frolic, play, jump. These are playgrounds, special entertainment points in shopping centers, a park. If my mother, for example, did not allow me to run in line at the cash register at the bank, then this is normal, since you cannot behave in this way there. The kid should understand the difference between a public place and a home from the first years and behave accordingly. It is categorically impossible to justify unrestrained behavior by the fact that this is a child and he must play. A child who has not been raised in a timely manner is a difficult teenager and a problem adult in the future. Therefore, in order to maximally socialize the baby, it is necessary from an early age to accustom him to the rules of society and polite behavior at home.
- Conversations and refusals … It is imperative to talk with your child, asking his opinion on various things. For example, what he would like for dinner, where he wants to go for a walk today, what he prefers to wear. It is necessary that he felt the importance of his “I” in the eyes of his parents. This is the only way he can assert himself without throwing tantrums. Be sure to explain to him why at one time or another the baby was not bought a toy. Usually parents deny or say that there is no money for such purchases. This is tactically incorrect, as the child will feel hurt by the failure of his dad and mom. It is important to explain that he already has enough toys, and that a new one will not be available until next month or later. That is, the argument in refusing a child should not be a financial family crisis, but the powerful authority of the parents' words. Only by teaching the child to respect his own opinion, you can count on understanding on his part.
- Teach to express emotions … Naturally, the child's psyche develops over time and comes to generally accepted norms. If the child is prone to tantrums or similar outbursts of emotions, parents need to help the child to properly respond to the storm of feelings within themselves. It is very important to help verbalize those feelings that inside the little person cannot find a way out. For example, a baby is crying because he broke / tore / accidentally lost his favorite toy. It is necessary to establish eye contact and to speak out those feelings that overwhelm the child: “I know you loved this toy very much and you are offended that you can no longer play with it. You are very sorry that she was lost / torn / broken, but you are not to blame for this, you could not do anything. Besides her, you also have toys with which you can play."
How to calm a child
Sometimes it is important to know how to quickly get your baby out of this emotional state. How to deal with a child's tantrums should be understood by absolutely all parents of those children who are prone to the development of such outbursts.
First steps to calm down:
- Maintain equanimity and calmness … It is necessary not to show an irritated look and not to be even more nervous than a child. This will lead to the parent behaving worse than the baby. You should control your emotions and not let them out.
- Talk … It is necessary to go out to a conversation with a child, convincing him that during a hysterics he cannot be understood. If the baby had said more specifically what he wants, perhaps his request would have been granted.
- Prohibition of aggression … In no case should you shout and take off on a child. Even if his behavior has put you in an uncomfortable position, you should keep your emotions under control. With the help of a cry, nothing can be achieved except to aggravate the situation.
- Insulation … It is important to give the child time to calm the inner storm. If he reacts negatively to attempts to talk, you need to take him to a secluded place (if he is on the street) or leave him alone in the room. Over time, he realizes the futility of his tears and will calm down.
- Copying behavior … Children very often look at their parents or loved ones, and then act the same way. If the baby suddenly began to behave aggressively, you should figure out where he could see such a pattern of behavior. First of all, you cannot quarrel with a child, show aggression and other vivid negative emotions. The kid will absorb such a pattern and use it for his own purposes.
Important! If this behavior is not eliminated in any way over time, you should contact a child psychologist. The specialist will help you find the root of the problem and correct the child's behavior.
Psychologist's advice
Naturally, parenting plays a huge role, but sometimes you need to know how to react to a child's tantrums in order to quickly calm him down. It is important to understand the tactics of the baby's behavior and adapt to it.
This will help a few simple techniques that are based on the basics of child psychology:
- Abstraction … This method works exclusively at the beginning of an emotional attack and does not always work. Many parents use it often enough without fully realizing the importance of this technique. Children's attention is very easily distracted, and the dominant thought or experience can quickly change to others. Therefore, parents can show their child a beautiful toy, a bird in the sky, a car or another person to distract him from the hysterical outburst. Literally a split second of an interested glance - and the baby will already behave more calmly, since the emotional storm was stopped in time.
- A warning … Many tantrums can be avoided if the child is informed in a timely manner what awaits him. For example, having a second child in a family is always stressful for the first. Therefore, before this, it is necessary to talk with the baby and tell what awaits him, what changes will affect his life and what exactly will change with the appearance of a sister / brother. Then it will not be a surprise for him a new pet (s) of his family. He must understand before his birth that there will be two of them, and on equal terms. The same warning scheme works with a kindergarten, and with a visit to a public place, and in any other case.
- Tactics … It is very important that parents do not change their own opinion because of a child's tantrum. If the baby sees that mom or dad can give in, you just have to cry, you should wait for such a reaction every time it is needed. Any hysteria should end with an explanation to the child that he was wrong. Therefore, it is strongly discouraged to back down and allow what was previously prohibited. Tantrums should not be allowed to become a new tool for manipulating the baby. The excuses that he is still at a very young age and does not understand the word "no" do not make sense at all. The child begins to understand the prohibitions from the first year of life. The parent, on the other hand, will not allow the baby to stick small objects into the outlet just because he is small and does not yet understand the danger. The same applies to prohibitions on unrestrained behavior in a public place, whims and other actions.
- Choice … In addition to the attention that the child must necessarily receive, it is also important to give him some freedom. This consists in the choice of elementary living conditions. For example, if a toddler throws a tantrum every time he is handed a toy, you need to ask him the next time. In this case, it is necessary to designate the options for choosing from the available ones, so that the baby is determined among them. This also applies to hysterics about unwillingness to eat some kind of dish. If you directly ask the kid whether he will eat something, he can answer in the negative, and nothing can be achieved in this case. You should give him a multi-course option. He must make his choice independently, choosing the best of the available.
How to deal with hysteria in a child - watch the video:
Childhood tantrums are a fairly common way to show your own opinion, if no one takes it into account, to talk about troubling problems, or to show your own resentment. It is very difficult for a kid to distinguish one emotion from the second, as well as to prioritize between them, so from time to time they overwhelm his head, and the child throws tantrums. It is important for parents to be able to prevent such a surge in time, recognize and extinguish, and also explain why this cannot be done anymore.
