A teenager and his first love. The article will highlight the issues of this life event when providing recommendations to young people and their parents on the rules of behavior during this period. The love of adolescents is the first delightful feeling for themselves and an extraordinary test of the strength of their parents. At this age, the younger generation sees everything exclusively in rainbow colors and excellent prospects. Consequently, still emotionally immature individuals are sometimes not able to adequately assess the love situation that has arisen in their life. Adults need to help them figure it out, but they need to do what they want with the utmost wisdom.
Signs of falling in love in adolescence
First of all, this question is of interest to parents whose children have begun to grow up. Love in adolescence for adults can be determined by the following signs, which indicate an event that has occurred:
- Leisure activities outside the home … If a child used to devote the lion's share of his free time to computer games or reading cognitive literature, then he definitely did not have any amorous interest. In the opposite case, the teenager will begin to try at every opportunity to leave his native walls in an unknown direction, while inventing all sorts of reasons. Anxious parents will try to suppress such behavior of their maturing offspring, which is definitely not worth doing. As a result, trust between the child and the adult generation of the family will simply disappear, which will then be difficult to return. You just need to clearly voice your rebel in love how much time he can spend outside the house.
- Secret phone conversations … Recently, it is rare for a teenager to have their own personal means of communication. Communication with friends on a mobile phone is not forbidden, so the parents were calm about this fact. Their son or daughter could communicate for a long time with an invisible interlocutor on various youth topics. At the same time, the children were absolutely not afraid of the likelihood that parents might hear their conversation about everything and nothing. If adults began to notice that their child, during telephone communication, is trying to retire or even go out into the street, then everything indicates that he has his first object for hobby.
- Request for an increase in pocket money … Many parents often cannot unequivocally answer the question regarding the provision of a teenager with certain personal funds. In this case, compassionate grandparents do not even think about such a request from their adored grandson or granddaughter. However, over time, parents begin to understand that they should allocate a reasonable amount of pocket money for the needs of their child. If their growing up offspring unexpectedly asked for an increase in "salary", then you should not immediately panic about the emergence of addictions outside of his native walls. A son who has ceased to be a baby may need additional money due to the fact that he needs to present his first lady with small gifts and take her to the cinema.
- Change in the appearance of a teenager … Children usually have a dramatic change in their attitude to their hairstyle and wardrobe during the first romantic feelings for the opposite sex. A period of obvious changes in their appearance begins, which often frightens parents alarmed by what is happening. You should not be afraid of this fact if everything remains within the framework of a reasonable and aesthetically acceptable one. Prohibitions on this matter will only cause protest from a son or daughter, who in the future can turn from obedient children into rebels.
- Deteriorating academic performance … All people in love are in the clouds and pay little attention to what is happening around them. The first romantic feeling is a serious test for the not yet fully formed psyche of a teenager. He is not yet ready to concentrate his attention on serious things when his head is clouded with love experiences. As a result, the growing up child begins to devote less time to preparing for the classroom, and all his previous achievements in this area may deteriorate significantly.
- Changing your teen's addictions … If the beloved child was struck by the first arrow of Cupid, then the former predictable teenager can radically change his behavior. The daughter, who was interested in fantasy films, suddenly begins to get carried away with melodramas about great and bright love. After systematically familiarizing himself with the novelties of "boy's" music and spending time in computer games, the son suddenly ceases to be interested in this. If, with this factor, he begins to soar in the clouds when the sound of romantic ballads, then this is a sure sign that the first feeling has come to him.
- Parents finding contraceptives … Usually, a caring mother clutches at her heart and begins to absorb the sedative in large quantities when she finds condoms in the pocket of her “baby” son. In this case, experts give advice to let the situation take its course and silently put the found contraceptive in place. However, it is still worth remembering the age limits of the beginning of cognition of this adult side of life. In a family where trust reigns and the teenager is informed about sex, sexually transmitted diseases and unplanned pregnancy, there will be no disaster during the growing up of the child. Otherwise, the situation may reach a critical point, as in the Yugoslav film of the late 1980s “The Time to Love Has Come,” when ignorance of many issues turned into a tragedy.
Attentive parents will never miss the voiced signs of falling in love with their children. Psychologists advise not to create panic when an event is detected, because all ages are submissive to such a feeling. The child began to mature, and this inevitable phenomenon must be adequately accepted.
Tips for adolescents when they first feel
If a child first learned what a tender feeling for a member of the opposite sex is, then there is nothing wrong with that. However, unhappy love in adolescence is quite common. It is for this reason that psychologists have developed a number of tips on how to behave as a child at a new stage of his growing up:
- Enjoy the occasional youth … This period of personality formation will never happen again, so you should gratefully accept everything that in the future will become an invaluable life experience. First love is a wonderful feeling, the memories of which many people keep in their hearts for many years.
- Do not dissolve in the person you like … No matter how you like the first object of passion in life, you should remember about your interests. If you like soul music, and the chosen one prefers hard rock, then this is not at all a signal to radically change your preferences. People prefer to communicate only with those individuals who, in all situations, remain themselves.
- Seek help from parents … If first love is an unrequited feeling, then you should talk as frankly as possible with the older generation of the family. Do not be ashamed of your accumulated emotions, because parents with the baggage of their experience will understand everything and give good advice. Sometimes it is even easier for grandparents to speak out; their help and support should not be rejected either.
- Do not forget about your plans for the future … The first feeling is not at all a reason to abandon your favorite hobby and forget about studying. If the chosen one responded with mutual sympathy, it means that he must respect the developed prospects for the future of the person he liked. If this fact is of little interest to him, then is it worth continuing to communicate with such an indifferent and selfish person?
- Do not close in yourself … Many people go through unrequited love, remembering in the future about this difficult life period with a smile. If the object of passion does not reciprocate, then it must be accepted with dignity. New acquaintances, joint leisure with friends will help get rid of gloomy thoughts. Self-flagellation and withdrawal will only exacerbate the current difficult situation.
- Be careful … Only the teenager himself decides when he is old enough to have sex. It is not worth rushing with this, because often with a fully formed body, the nervous psyche of a person in love remains at the stage of development and improvement. If the chosen one insists on intimacy, then you should tell him a clear and categorical "no". This means that the person you like does not value the feelings and desires of other people and you should stay away from him.
Recommendations for parents on behavior with a teenager in love
It should be remembered at all times and in any situation that adults should be their child's friend, not their guardian. Therefore, they need to think about how to behave at the first signs of being infatuated with someone in their children.
Bans on parents when controlling a teenager in love
Some overly caring dads and moms consider themselves to be docs in the upbringing of the younger generation. The advice of psychologists is not a decree for them, and they make the following mistakes in relation to their children:
- Criticism of the chosen one … Making fun of a child's choice from the height of his life experience is an unworthy and illogical activity on the part of an adult. Parents may categorically dislike the object of adoration of their offspring, but this is exclusively the problem of the dads and moms themselves. Such behavior will only alienate the child from himself, because for him his first feeling is sacred and inviolable.
- Devaluation of adolescent sympathy … The next extreme on the part of adults is to stubbornly remind the teenager that he is not yet ripe for a serious relationship. Ideally, these parents want their growing child back to play back in the sandbox because they see him exclusively as a toddler. The main argument of family dictators in such a disregard for the feelings of a son or daughter is the phrases “get your passport first” and “finish school (lyceum) first”. The most disastrous argument would be an adult's reasoning of the type “in our time they thought about learning, and not about any nonsense”.
- Prohibition of communication with the chosen one … One of the most ineffective ways to eradicate the love of a child is the voiced method of influence. At the same time, it is very easy to lose the trust of a loved one, and it is almost impossible to change the situation in your favor. The ban will further spur the stubborn one to secret meetings, which can end very badly.
- Searching a teenager's belongings … If the child has grown, then this is not at all a reason for parents to turn into a professional bloodhound. It is imperative to control your children so that an era of permissiveness does not begin in the family. However, some adults who are overly self-confident in their abilities consider it normal to re-read the offspring's correspondence on social networks, gut his phone and room in search of compromising evidence. Any mature person would react with indignation to this fact, but one should not forget that a teenager also has the right to his personal space.
Note! Mistakes of adults primarily negatively affect the further fate of their offspring. You cannot make your beloved child happy by force, requiring him to act according to the model of behavior created by the parents. Such behavior, at best, will end with a protest from the adolescent, and at worst - with neurosis and even an attempt at suicide.
The correct actions of parents in relation to a teenager
If parents want to maintain friendly relations with their grown children, they should heed the advice of psychologists on the rules of behavior:
- Acquaintance with the chosen one of a son or daughter … Nobody in this case talks about the need to organize family shows. A dinner party will also be inappropriate, since no one is going to marry children in love in the near future. The best way out of this situation will be an invitation to the house for a tea party, during which you should study the chosen one of your offspring with maximum tact.
- Acquaintance with the closest environment of the child … Wise parents always know with whom their child spends his leisure time. Teenagers can be quite secretive, but with a competent analysis of their behavior, you can easily find out about the teen's friends. Psychologists advise to organize a party in the house on the occasion of any significant event and invite your son or daughter to invite their friends to it. However, at the same time, you should not curl like a vulture over the guests, creating only an awkward situation. With correct behavior and maximum tact, it is possible to easily determine who became friends of a teenager, and even calculate his secret passion.
- Frank talk about the chosen one … If the child really liked someone, it means that he was hooked in him by some kind of character trait or demeanor. In this case, you can play spies, carefully learning about the reason for choosing a teenager. As a result, a situation may arise that parents will be horrified by the verbal description of the object of passion and worship that has appeared in their child's life. Having gathered all their will into a fist, adults should refrain from caustic comments in relation to the described chosen one of a son or daughter.
- Allowing the right to error … Many people not only learn from their mistakes and reckless behavior, but also manage to step on the same rake in the future. Therefore, you should not demand wise decisions from a teenager in amorous affairs. He is not yet morally ready for a deep analysis of the relationship between opposite sexes. However, only through your own stuffed bumps can the time of emotional maturity begin when communicating with people you like.
- Nostalgia for the parents' first love … It's time to talk to your child about what happened many years ago before he was born. Without lectures and teachings, you should tell him about your first feelings, and how they ended. Children keenly feel when adults trust them and reveal themselves at the same time. The teenager will appreciate such frankness on the part of dad or mom and will consult with them about his personal life in the future.
- Improving the child's self-esteem … This must be done not at the expense of his chosen one, which will bring a radically opposite result to the desired result. Wise parents, seeing the obvious fallacy of the choice of their offspring and even some of its danger, will focus on the undoubted merits of their own being. In the future, a teenager can independently understand that his beliefs and life principles have nothing to do with the worldview of the fan that has appeared.
Watch a video about teenage love:
First love in adolescence is an event that rare units manage to avoid. Therefore, children need to learn from their mistakes in this matter, and adults are encouraged to become wise advisers to the younger generation.
