How to improve self-esteem

2024 Author: Arianna Cook | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:23

What is low self-esteem and how it affects the quality of life. Ways to increase it and solve the problem for women and men. Self-esteem is a kind of marker of our adaptation to life. It also becomes a measure of attitude towards oneself and towards the surrounding world, as well as the surrounding world towards us, respectively. Thus, high adequate self-esteem can make life much easier, and low one can make life much more difficult.

The impact of self-esteem on life

Man is a social being. Therefore, from the very birth, our actions, skills, thoughts are at the sight of others. Further, in the process of growing up, we ourselves begin to assess our capabilities and our place in life. This determines two main factors under the influence of which a person's self-esteem is formed:

External … That is, the attitude of others (upbringing, social environment, intimate and personal communication, the influence of the team, the type of activity, the media and information technology, etc.).
Interior … Attitude towards oneself (features of character and appearance, abilities, level of intelligence, susceptibility to criticism, level of claims, etc.).

The quality of his life depends on how confident a person is in himself and his capabilities, how realistically he perceives the attitude of others. That is, success, material condition, peace of mind and personal relationships. This influences the formation of behavioral models - reactions to criticism, failures, successful decisions, non-standard situations, the ability to take a chance.

It is quite logical that it is very difficult for a person who doubts his importance to achieve success in any area of life. An insecure layman cannot be happy by definition - after all, he is not sure that he is worthy of it. It is difficult for him to make important decisions and put up with the shortcomings that are inherent in all of us.

At the same time, low self-esteem interferes not only with today's happiness - it does not give a chance to develop in the future. It becomes a barrier to career growth, personal development, and building relationships. The decision to change your life is often immediately blocked by fear of failure. Pessimism and fear of change deprive such people of the opportunity to live brighter and more enjoyable life.

The situation is aggravated by the "law of attraction of the like":

First, an insecure person attracts the same losers;
Second, bad attitudes and self-loathing create similar attitudes among others.

It is important! The art of soberly assessing one's real capabilities and filtering the opinions of others is called adequate self-esteem, that is, ideal conditions for achieving harmony in all spheres of life.

The main reasons for low self-esteem

Many factors influence our formation of our own “I” and the place of this “I” in society. Let us dwell on the most dangerous ones, thanks to which low self-esteem appears. These include:

"Hard childhood" … The seeds of self-doubt can be sown in a person as early as childhood. It is during this period that the main part of our self-esteem is made up of the judgments of others, since the child still cannot and does not know how to evaluate himself. That is, the base is given to us by close relatives - parents, brothers, sisters, grandmothers, grandfathers, etc. Lack of attention, excess of criticism, indifference, high demands - all this can make an insecure child an insecure adult. The presence of physical disabilities or chronic diseases in a small person enhances the feeling of discomfort.
Sensitivity to the opinions of others … The inability to "sort" someone else's opinion about yourself and your actions is not the best friend for self-esteem. Our society has not yet rid itself of such a vice as envy. Many people are guilty of an addiction to criticize their neighbors. It is clear that such “advisers” and “well-wishers” can say a lot of bad things and not always truthful things. Therefore, gullibility and excessive perception of everything that others say can significantly undermine self-confidence.
Excessive plank … An incorrectly set goal can be branded as a failure. It is difficult to achieve a goal if it is simply beyond the capacity or the time frame for achieving it is too short. Such an inadequate assessment of one's capabilities often leads to a fiasco. The goal is not achieved, self-esteem is at zero, the desire to move on disappears.
Obsession with failure … It often happens that failure turns into new experiences and opportunities. It's important to see it and accept it. Otherwise, you get stuck on an unpleasant event and program yourself for failure.

Signs of low self-esteem

In fact, you can even recognize a person who needs an increase in self-esteem by their appearance. Slouching, drooping gaze, carelessness in clothes, tightness often accompany self-doubt. But there are even more reliable signs of low self-esteem:

Pessimism and negativism in speech … The problem with self-assessment is indicated by phrases (or thoughts) of the following meaning: "everything is bad", "this is impossible", "I cannot cope", "this is not for me", "I do not have the necessary knowledge (skills, experience)" and etc. Such people do not enter into serious debate, avoid responsible assignments and do not show initiative.
Perfectionism … Sometimes the desire to increase their value in the eyes of others leads to the fact that people with low self-esteem are desperate to do something better than others. It can be appearance, everyday life, professional activity. They get hung up on details while missing out on the overall result. They hope that as they approach the ideal, they will become more loved and significant. However, the path to the ideal (which does not exist) can take all the time and effort, leaving nothing for the embodiment of real desires and peaks.
Loneliness … A notorious individual feels uncomfortable in society, especially among unfamiliar or unfamiliar people. Rejection of communication can be manifested both by alienation and aggressiveness, assertiveness of behavior, which themselves repel others, despite the fact that a successful person not only seeks to acquire connections, but also makes them work for himself.
Fear of change … Risk is a taboo for an insecure person. Everything new is unknown and therefore dangerous. Such fear of changing something in one's life can be disguised as modesty, shyness, shyness, conformism.
Developed feelings of guilt … For an insecure person, taking responsibility for failure is another way to reaffirm your status as a failure. At the same time, if he takes the blame for what he did not do, and even apologizes, there can be no doubts about low self-esteem.
Fear of criticism … For an insecure person, criticism is a knife in the very heart of his pride. For him, this is not a constructive "debriefing", as it is perceived by a self-confident person, but another proof of inferiority. He not only reacts very sensitively to her, but also loops for a long time, constantly replaying the situation and unpleasant words spoken in his direction. Over time, negative emotions weaken the sense of reality, and any, even unjustified criticism is perceived very painfully.
Self pity … Convincing yourself and those around you how the world, fate, people, circumstances, nature are unfair is a great way to shift responsibility for your life onto others. Constant complaints, illness and lamentations about fate can give the much-desired attention of others. However, the abuse of the "poor self" syndrome over time can have the opposite effect - the desire to feel sorry and help others will be replaced by irritation and ignorance of your passivity and inaction.
Failure to make decisions … Having to make quick decisions, especially for others, is a nightmare for someone with low self-esteem. Uncertainty in himself and his strength makes him doubt any solution and analyze even insignificant details. Because of this, internal tension, discomfort and nervousness increase. Therefore, such people try to avoid leadership positions, and if they do, they feel uncomfortable. Decision-making is either postponed to the back burner, or shifted to another, or is ignored altogether.
Limitation of interests … It is difficult for a victim of low self-esteem to decide to change something in himself. Change of image, active rest - this may remain a dream, buried under fear of rejection and condemnation. Sometimes such people are even afraid to start playing sports: people will watch on the street, in the sports club there will also be people, moreover, stronger and more beautiful. Plus, more simulators that need to be mastered. That is, the fear of inconsistency and the fear of doing something wrong comes into play.
Public play … Sometimes insecure people cover up their complexes with bright masks - familiar behavior, outrageousness, loud speech or laughter, their connections, place in society or level of well-being.
Problems in personal life … Low self-esteem is often the main cause of a flawed relationship. A self-respecting person will not tolerate humiliation, betrayal and lies, unlike a self-deprecating person. It is very difficult to get love and respect if a person is sure that he is not worthy of it. This also prevents him from fighting for his happiness.
Depressive states and bad mood … It is difficult for an insecure person to accept the shortcomings of both theirs and others. Therefore, he is either quietly sad, or is in constant irritation from everything: the country, colleagues, neighbors, spouse, children. Dissatisfaction with oneself can transform into cynicism and excessive criticism. He does not see the positive because he focuses on the negative.

Important! When criticizing, remember the psychological truth - we condemn in others exactly what we sin ourselves. And if you suddenly want to criticize someone, remember the speck in someone else's eye.

Our self-esteem can be compared to immunity, the higher it is, the stronger our resistance to various life situations. Conversely, the lower our self-confidence, the more difficult it is to cope with even minor everyday troubles. Today, there are many ways to raise self-esteem through training, affirmations, meditation, behavioral change, etc. We will consider the most effective and at the same time the easiest to implement methods of raising the level of self-confidence.

How to increase self-esteem in a man

A man by his nature cannot be weak - otherwise he will not survive and will not give (will not grow) his offspring. Therefore, even the modern representative of the stronger sex has at least 3 reasons to keep his self-esteem in good shape - this is career (work should bring prosperity), love (strong and self-confident men are still in favor) and success (luck loves successful ones).

TOP 10 ways to increase self-esteem in a man:

Learn to accept failure … Do not scold yourself for wrong actions, undone work or hasty decisions - analyze the situation, draw conclusions. Replenish your experience bank - and nothing more. I made a mistake, I realized, and - let's go further!
Keep your mind and body in good shape … Agree - sports erudite men have much less reason (and time) to cultivate their complexes. And, again, do not forget your nature: excess adrenaline and aggressive male energy must be periodically dumped. Not to mention keeping fit. And sport is the perfect choice for a modern man. With regard to being well-read, it is not necessary to know everything. This is unrealistic. It is better to choose and master the area of interest to you. Interest can only be aroused by a person who is interested in something himself.
Respect yourself and your time … Analyze the attitude of those around you. If you have friends or acquaintances who do not miss the opportunity to assert themselves at your expense or take advantage of your reliability, refuse to communicate with them. Do not be afraid to get rid of destructive relationships, good people are always there. You just need to let them into life. The same principle applies to work: you are capable of more, but it is not appreciated - change jobs.
Don't compare yourself to others.… Initially, all people are different, therefore, the needs and the ways of meeting these needs are different for everyone. Therefore, focus on your capabilities and desires. Set realistic goals and set a feasible time frame to achieve them. Understanding this way of doing things will save you the temptation to compare yourself to others. Evaluate only yourself and your motivation in relation to your capabilities.
Redefine your social circle … To become more confident and successful, try to communicate with such people. Being in an atmosphere of success, ideas, positive emotions, you have every chance of being "infected" with the same. Unlike a society of chronic losers, where your self-esteem will only plummet.
Plan your time … The correct allocation of time will help not only to cope with business, but also to have a good rest. Make it a rule to prepare for a new working day in advance, for example, making a plan of your actions for tomorrow in the evening.
Be decisive … Determination is another natural trait of a man. Don't bury it under a pile of doubts and potential failures. Challenge yourself: set a goal and achieve it. Don't be afraid to make decisions. It is believed that every day provides us with 10 chances to change our lives - use them!
Remember your successes … Choose a way of recording your achievements (photos, entries in a separate notebook, a shelf with awards or frames on the wall) and revise them when in doubt. This will refresh the memory and emotions that accompanied your victories. And it will give you self-confidence.
Be positive and interested … Learn to see something positive in any person, event, or deed. Why voluntarily let negativity into your life? Feel free to expand your knowledge and skills with questions. Don't be ashamed to ask and find out. It’s a shame not to ask and remain in the dark just because of this.
Love and respect yourself … You are an integral personality, albeit with your own "nuances". Either way, you deserve respect. And if you also fall in love with yourself, and you can translate "nuances" into the status of virtues, then respect, success and love are simply guaranteed to you.

How to boost a woman's self-esteem

Despite the fact that nature's requirements for a woman are not as strict as for a man, self-doubt makes her just as unhappy. To rectify the situation, you can use the above "male" methods. But it is better to reinforce them with purely "feminine" tricks. TOP 10 ways to increase self-esteem in a woman:

Accept yourself for who you are … Your hair color, eye shape, figure and leg length - what is given by nature, an individual order. If you want to change something, change it, but carefully and only for yourself. And do not place high hopes on external changes if you do not change internally. Believe me, among beautiful women (thin, with big breasts, long hair - who has what concept of beauty) there are no less unhappy. A woman is attracted not so much by an ideal appearance as by self-confidence.
Do not envy … Envy is a bad feeling. It kills self-confidence. If you cannot be happy for your friend, concentrate on what only you have. On their successes and merits.
Take care of yourself … A truly attractive woman is a well-groomed woman. Love your body and prove your love by leaving. Go in for sports, lead a healthy lifestyle, buy yourself beautiful high-quality clothes and shoes, and your reflection in the mirror will become a powerful stimulant for your self-esteem.
Don't take initiative where you don't need it … Make it a rule not to prove your worth with obsessive care or attention. Don't ask for help - don't help! Or offer it only when really needed and carefully. Do not ask for advice - do not advise!
Get interesting … An effective way to boost your self-esteem is to expand your interests beyond glossy magazines, forums, social media, and TV shows. Analyze your usual "diet" of communication and remove from it such "GMOs" as gossip, whining and conversations on the same topic (clothes, baby food, cuisine, etc.).
Love compliments and interested looks … It is difficult for an insecure person to believe compliments - they cause embarrassment and awkwardness. Not to mention the controversial views of the opposite sex. Learn not only to love yourself, let others also. Accept evidence of self-love with dignity. Give thanks for the compliments, keep the interested gaze directed at you, but keep the boundaries. Vulgarity and familiarity have nothing to do with dignity.
Keep your personal space … One of the secrets of the unique attractiveness of French women is the ability to preserve their personality and personal space. Make your own "secret garden", where you can periodically retire for a couple of hours to be alone, to restore your emotional balance. The best option is an interesting book in your hands and a bench in the park or a table in a cafe. It is equally important for French beauties not to dissolve their individuality in a husband, children or friends. After all, it was she who once attracted this man into her life, and it was she who was able to keep him.
Minimize your worries … Life is too short to be wasted on petty worries. Believe yourself, tune in to the positive, look at life on a larger scale.
Be yourself … The desire to impress or please with qualities or demeanor that are not inherent in you is harmful to you and to those around you. First, you break yourself. Secondly, falsity and hypocrisy are not noticed only by those who benefit from it, that is, those who do not need you real.
Quiet criticism in yourself and to yourself … Train yourself to perceive any failures and incidents easily, with humor. Both ours and others. Nobody in the world is perfect, so look for positive qualities only. Both in myself and in others.