What is Stockholm Syndrome and why is it called that. Causes and manifestations of hostage syndrome in conditions of capture, as well as at home and at work. How to get rid of the role of the victim in a victim-aggressor relationship. Stockholm Syndrome (aka Hostage Syndrome) is a line of behavior that sometimes arises between the victim and the aggressor. More precisely, a change in the normal, natural attitude of the offended towards the offender to emotions that are not entirely clear to those around him. That is, a change of fear, hatred for sympathy, sympathy and even love.
The concept and causes of Stockholm syndrome
The phenomenon of the "transformation" of the tormentor into a positive hero in the eyes of the victim was widely discussed in the 70s of the last century after a loud robbery of one of the banks in Stockholm. This criminal case became remarkable because, after being held hostage for 6 days, the latter suddenly sided with their captors. Moreover, one of the hostages even got engaged to the raider. Therefore, such a non-standard psychological reaction to a stressful situation is called "Stockholm syndrome".
In fact, the property of a potential victim over time to go over to the side of his abuser was noticed much earlier. Back in the second half of the 30s, Anna Freud completed the work of her famous father and provided the world with the concept of psychological protection of a person in a difficult stressful situation, which largely explained this behavior. According to the main theses of this concept, the victim, being with his tormentor for a certain time, begins to identify himself with him. As a result, her anger, hatred, fear and resentment are replaced by understanding, justification, sympathy, sympathy for the offender.
There are several predisposing factors for the development of Stockholm syndrome:
- Long-term coexistence of hostages (victims) and criminals (aggressors);
- A humane attitude towards victims - it is a loyal attitude that has every chance at a certain moment to arouse in them a feeling of gratitude and sympathy for their offenders;
- The presence of a real threat to health and / or life, which is clearly expressed by the aggressor;
- Lack of other options for the development of events that differ from those dictated by the invaders.
Conventionally, the mechanism of development of the Stockholm syndrome can be described as follows:
- Establishing a "special" connection between the victim and the aggressor in the conditions of forced close communication.
- The readiness of the victims for complete submission in order to save their lives.
- Rapprochement with the aggressor in the course of conversations, questioning, reasoning. Thanks to isolation with his abuser, the victim has the opportunity to find out the reasons and motivation for his aggressive (criminal) behavior, his dreams, experiences, problems.
- Formation under the influence of stress and loyal behavior of the aggressor of emotional attachment to him, the emergence of a sense of gratitude for the saved life, as well as the desire to understand, support, help him.
As a result, people who go through all these four stages not only go "to the dark side", but may even resist liberation.
Manifestations of Stockholm Syndrome
It is not difficult to determine whether a person has "hostage syndrome" - there are several characteristic signs of such a psychological reaction that are found in any variant of the "victim-aggressor" situation:
- Identifying yourself with a criminal (tyrant) … The victim of violence initially (on a subconscious level) chooses the tactics of obedience, counting on the favor of the aggressor and on the fact that this will help save her life. In the process of further communication, humility gradually develops into sympathy, understanding and even approval of the tyrant's behavior. That is why there are cases when hostages defended and justified their abductors, and victims of domestic violence - their aggressive household members.
- Distortion of reality … Long stay in close communication with the abuser has another side for the victim - she changes the perspective of what is happening. If the invaders are driven by political or ideological motives, a person prone to Stockholm Syndrome may become so imbued with the ideas and grievances of terrorists that they will consider their actions to be correct and just. A similar reaction is formed in the case of domestic violence. Only in this case, the "discount" is given to the rapist due to a difficult childhood, hard work (or lack of it), illness, alcohol, his own impotence, etc.
- Reassessment of the situation … The stressful situation exacerbates the fear for his life so much that the victim begins to perceive any attempts to improve it negatively. So, in the case of hostages, they fear release even more than terrorists. According to their reflections, peaceful coexistence with criminals gives a better chance of survival than trying to escape. After all, the outcome of a rescue operation can be unpredictable - they can die at the hands of the invaders and at the hands of the rescuers themselves. In everyday life, the situation is similar: the victim desperately protects his aggressor, rejecting any attempts to change the situation (divorce, interference from relatives or law enforcement agencies), subconsciously fearing to make him angry even more. She lives by the needs and desires of her tyrant, not her own.
Varieties of Stockholm syndrome
As already mentioned, hostage syndrome can manifest itself not only in conditions of capture or robbery. In addition to these situations, such a behavior phenomenon can be observed in everyday life and at work. Let's consider these cases in more detail.
Household (social) Stockholm syndrome
It is noteworthy that examples of the Stockholm syndrome are found not only in the “hostage-criminal” situation. There are cases when this model of relationships works in everyday life, in the family. In this situation, one of the spouses (children, relatives) desperately defends his domestic aggressor. Most often, the wife is the victim, the husband is the aggressor.
And there may be several reasons for the development of such a flawed scenario of relations:
- Character traits … In this case, the fair sex is sure that she is simply not worthy of a normal relationship or perceives the relationship according to the principle “beats - it means she loves”, “it’s better than being alone”. Therefore, he takes a disrespectful, rude attitude towards himself for granted. A man, who by nature has an imperious, explosive character, chooses as his wife just such a weak woman whom he can control, command and assert himself.
- Parenting mistakes … Parents themselves can also make a victim out of their daughter; In turn, a boy who is brought up in an atmosphere of aggression and humiliation, absorbs it into himself as a norm of relations and carries it into adulthood, can grow up to be a tyrant.
- Consequences of a traumatic situation … The role of “calmly enduring” can be formed in a woman already in a situation of violence as a protective mechanism. She thinks that if she behaves submissively and quietly, then her tyrant will have less cause for anger. The presence of children significantly complicates this situation - often it is the attempts to preserve a full-fledged family (in her opinion) that make women forgive their offenders. The same stressful situation associated with violence can turn a man into an aggressor. Having survived her once in the role of a victim, he decides to take revenge for his shame or powerlessness on others.
Very often, this form of relationship takes the form of a vicious circle: violence - remorse - forgiveness - violence. The weakness of the victim's character and her inability to solve the problem "at the root" gives the aggressor the opportunity to mock him further.
As a result, the injured party develops a certain survival tactics next to their tormentor:
- Emphasizing positive and denying negative emotions … For example, the aggressor's benevolent, calm behavior is perceived every time as a hope for an improvement in the relationship, and the wife desperately tries not to disturb it in any way. And at the same time, he just as desperately tries not to think about what will happen if the tyrant still “breaks down”.
- Loss of your "I" … Attempts to preserve the fragile peace in the family make the victim so imbued with the interests, habits and desires of her tormentor that she begins to live his life, forgetting about her own. Its goal is to meet the tyrant's needs as a priority and to fully support any of his opinions. Their own needs and life credos recede into the background.
- Stealth … The unwillingness of outside interference in the family situation and the rejection of the flawed relationship makes the woman (child) to limit access to her personal life as much as possible. They either avoid talking about family relationships, or they limit themselves to the standard phrase "everything is fine."
- Hypertrophied guilt … Not only does the domestic aggressor constantly receive forgiveness from his victim, very often she blames herself (her character, behavior, mental abilities, appearance, etc.) for behaving aggressively.
- Self-deception … Another psychological adaptation to the situation in Stockholm syndrome in everyday life, when a family member suffering from violence convinces himself of the positiveness of the aggressor. This creates false feelings of respect, love, and even admiration.
Important! No matter how trite it sounds, but everyday Stockholm syndrome is often formed by itself - the fact of mutual attraction of victims and tyrants in everyday life takes place. They seem to find each other on their own and are attracted like different sides of a magnet.
Corporate Stockholm Syndrome
Work is another "front" where a person can show their dictatorial inclinations. It is not surprising that the strict requirements of the bosses regarding the volume, timing of work, discipline, corporate culture form in many employees a pathological feeling of guilt, helplessness and their own incompetence.
Often employers use the well-known carrot-and-stick principle, stimulating the work of a specialist with imaginary compensation - bonuses, time off, promotion and other privileges. However, when an employee, tired of doing overtime or not his job, still dares to demand what was promised, the tyrant boss will show his "teeth", finding a hundred reasons to refuse. Up to insults, accusations of incompetence and even threats of dismissal. And if a person develops Stockholm syndrome in a relationship with a boss, he will go on to work without a murmur (or quietly murmuring).
It is noteworthy that a really productive employee is very rarely fired. Therefore, sometimes, to relieve stress, they still throw a "candy" in the form of benevolent responses, praise or material benefits (bonuses, bonuses, etc.) to relieve stress.
Over time, an employee “broken” by such working conditions becomes so used to overload and ungrateful attitude that he takes it for granted. His self-esteem decreases, and the desire to change something causes internal resistance. At the same time, the fear of dismissal or the fear of not living up to the expectations of the bosses are becoming one of the most important driving forces. And the very thought of changing jobs is not acceptable.
Stockholm Buyer Syndrome
Interestingly, modern psychologists have identified another non-standard relationship that falls under the concept of hostage syndrome. This is the relationship between a shopaholic and goods (services). In this case, the victim is a person who cannot curb his desire to make purchases, and the aggressor is the purchases (services) themselves.
In this case, the shopaholic not only does not admit that his purchases are useless (unnecessary, not practical, unnecessarily expensive, etc.), but he himself is dependent on purchases, he desperately tries to convince others of the opposite - that the things or paid services are urgently needed. And even if not right now, they will definitely come in handy later.
One of the very compelling (in their opinion) excuses can be discounts, promotions, bonuses and sales. And even if somewhere in the depths of their souls they realize that all these "baits" are not the last and will be repeated more than once, in the same place, in their souls, there is a fear that this will not happen. Therefore, it is very difficult for shopaholics to restrain their desire to make a purchase or pay for a service.
Features of the treatment of Stockholm syndrome
Hostage syndrome is a psychological problem, so it requires, first of all, the help of a psychologist. Treatment in this case will be aimed at solving the following problems:
- Awareness of their position as a victim and the inferiority of the situation.
- Understanding the illogicality of their behavior and actions.
- Assessment of the futility and illusion of their hopes.
The most difficult type of Stockholm syndrome to correct is domestic, since it is very difficult to convince a victim of domestic violence that the only way out of the situation is to leave the abuser. And all hopes that he will change are in vain. The least dangerous in terms of treatment is buying syndrome - its correction takes less time and gives more effective results.
The best way to get rid of Stockholm Syndrome at work is to change that same job. However, if this is not quite the right option at the moment, there are some tips on how to at least soften the work atmosphere a little. First, find the most convenient way for you to raise your self-esteem (self-hypnosis, advice from psychologists, psychological practices, etc.). Second, prioritize your life correctly and remember that work is just work. Third, preserve and value your individuality, your interests and preferences should not necessarily coincide with the interests and preferences of the management. Fourth, do not get hung up, even if you still cannot decide to change jobs, nothing prevents you from being aware of the labor market - look through vacancies, attend events "necessary" for a career, participate in projects, etc.
How to treat Stockholm syndrome - watch the video:
The relationship between the victim and the aggressor is always flawed and beneficial only to the latter. It is important to realize and be prepared for a radical change in the situation. In the same way, it is important to understand that it is a cardinal approach to solving the problem that will be the most effective, since it is impossible to change an adult, already an established person. Self-esteem and a realistic view of things are the best filters for building healthy, productive relationships.
