Family crisis, psychology and development, causes and signs, how it affects family relationships, ways of overcoming. Remember! Only a benevolent attitude towards each other will allow maintaining a successful union of two loving hearts for many years.
Major periods of family crises
According to psychologists, the family is not a “cell of society” that is not frozen in its development, its qualitative transition from one state to another is accompanied by crisis phenomena, when contradictions grow between husband and wife. And only the ability to recognize and smooth them out in time will help spouses avoid serious disagreements.
The nuance here is that if he and she love each other dearly, the crisis of family relations is difficult. If the marriage was concluded by convenience, it may have inexpressive, completely invisible to the prying eye, features. Psychologists distinguish two types of family crises: normative and non-normative. The first are considered as a transitional stage from one state of the family to another (the birth of a child, begins to speak, went to kindergarten, etc.) or are associated with the problems of the spouses, for example, the extinction of sexual function in men and menopause in women. The second is associated with the analysis of the circumstances that caused the crisis relationship in the family. In the life of a family, several periods of family crises are distinguished, which are specified by some psychologists over the years:
- The first period of family crisis … Statistics show that about 50% of newlyweds get divorced without having been married for a year. The standard explanation is that everyday life has "stuck". It is understood that the period of romantic love experiences quickly passed, family relationships, not yet having time to develop, crashed on the "rocks" of everyday problems.
- Second (after 3-5 years of marriage) … The spouses have already "got used to it", children have appeared, you need to think about the arrangement of your "nest", the maintenance and upbringing of children, which is associated with worries about material well-being (search for a prestigious job, career growth). At this time, there is some alienation at the psychological level, when there is an involuntary chill in the relationship, because the worries that have fallen down do not allow you to pay enough attention to each other.
- Third (after 7-9 years of marriage) … A difficult period of gradual "sobering up". The time of rainbow dreams is gone forever. Everything has settled down and has developed far from the way dreamed before marriage (marriage). "The boat of love" firmly settled on the prose of family problems associated primarily with children. The time has come for disappointment from the thought that there will be nothing particularly remarkable in life.
- Fourth … It is believed that comes after 16-20 years of living together, when the children are already old enough, new problems arise with them. And it seems that everything has already happened in his personal life, a certain success has been achieved in his career, the thought "what's next?" finds no optimistic answer.
- Fifth … It occurs when the husband and wife are under 50 (although there may be variations when one of the two is older or younger). It is associated with grown-up children, they have already graduated from school, higher educational institutions, flew out of their native "nest" and became independent. “Orphaned” parents have to rebuild their lives, they need to somehow manage the suddenly appeared free time, which used to be spent on caring for children.
- Sixth … Actually, it can be considered as a variant of the fifth. When a son or daughter (having married, having gotten married) remained to live with their parents. A new family member is always a stressful situation, because of him you have to abruptly break the usual rhythm of life that has been established over the years. Such a crisis of family relations affects not only parents, but also a young family, and for her it often ends in divorce. Although there is a positive side to this, if the relationship between the “old” and the young is successful, the grandparents devote their time to the grandchildren who have appeared.
- Seventh … When a husband and wife retire and are left alone, the children have been living their lives for a long time and, quite possibly, even in another city. The social circle is sharply narrowed, the spouses feel lonely, there is a lot of free time, which often has nothing to do. And here the main thing is to be able to psychologically reorganize, to find something to do for yourself.
- Eighth … We can say that it is the last age-related crisis period, when one of the spouses dies. The severity of the loss of a loved one, with whom a life has been lived, has a heavy effect on the psyche, one has to live with this pain for the rest of the time.
It's important to know! Family life crises are a fact of normal family development. You just need to know how to overcome them.
Ways to Overcome Family Crises
Modern psychological science does not give an unambiguous answer to the question of how to overcome a family crisis. It is not for nothing that it is said that “husband and wife are one Satan,” and therefore if they have a sound mind and want to maintain a healthy relationship, they themselves need to solve the difficulties that have arisen in the family, and not bring them to a conflict situation, when even the recommendations of a psychologist can become already belated. To prevent this from happening, you should adhere to several general and completely useful tips, they will help spouses not turn an ordinary squabble into a crisis of family relations:
- You don't need to hide your grudge … Suppose a husband scolds his wife, but she is silent with a guilty look. Latent resentment eats away at the soul. Sometimes you can make a scandal, but you should adhere to certain rules so that it does not “go off scale” when scandals turn into insults and inflict a heavy, unforgivable offense that is not easily forgotten.
- You can't insult! In a quarrel, you do not need to get personal: "And you are, and your parents and friends are so-and-so …"
- Do not take "dirty linen" from the family … You can not insult each other in public, outsiders should not at all know your personal and family problems.
- Remember the "golden rule" of morality … Do not wish your loved one (other people) what you do not wish for yourself.
- Become critical of yourself … Put yourself in the place of your spouse, that is, look with different eyes, this will help you to objectively evaluate and sensibly solve the problem that has arisen in the family.
- Avoid knowingly conflicting topics … If, for example, the husband loves football, but the wife does not, try not to touch on this topic.
- Spill your irritation on paper … Keep a diary, entrust your feelings to it, it will help you calm down. The notebook will endure everything, but a living person can be offended by an evil word.
- Everyone should have their own corner of freedom … It's good if the living conditions allow it, but even in shy conditions, you need to find a place where you can be at least a little yourself, alone with your thoughts and feelings.
- Trust each other … It is good when each of the spouses can, for example, spend an evening with their friends without fear of serious consequences at home.
- The same hobby … If a husband and wife have the same hobby, this creates a healthy family climate, such families, as a rule, are conflict-free.
- Learn to analyze problems that have arisen in the family.… Only an analysis of the causes of conflicts will help to successfully resolve them.
Remember! True family relationships are impossible without the trusting relationship of the spouses to each other. How to overcome a family crisis - watch the video
Our only real wealth is our family. You need to worry only for her, "and let the rest worry itself!" Successful life for everyone without insoluble family crises!
