What is pedophobia, why are they afraid of children and how it manifests itself in life, ways of dealing with such fear. Pedophobia is a type of fear (neurosis), which is characterized by a negative attitude towards children, as well as towards all objects with children's images. It occurs in both men and women, it can become a contrived reason for female infertility, abandoning a child in the family.
Description and mechanism of development of pedophobia
The expression is widely known that "children are the flowers of life." However, there is a category of people who simply cannot stand them. Fear of children is not a socially dangerous phobia, although there are exceptions to all norms. Well, someone is afraid of a child: speaks badly of him, a young family does not want to have a child. So this is their own business. Such "strangeness" does not affect relations with friends and family, with colleagues at work. And society is generally calm. Everyone should solve their problems for themselves.
However, for those who are afraid of children, such an obsession is a lot of trouble. In such families, you will not hear cheerful children's voices; these people are often gloomy and often angry. They throw out their irritation on the kids. Let's say teenagers make noise in the yard. Oh, how unbearable it is! It is imperative that you shout, or even complain about them to your parents. The roots of such a negative attitude towards the younger generation should be sought in early childhood or already in the adult life of a person. The psychology of this phobia is different, but it is inherent in both genders: both men and women.
The mechanism of development of pedophobia in men
The man avoids the baby. Fear of him reaches the point that he does not marry or, having married, does not want his wife to give birth. The reason for such a fear of having children may be the severe mental trauma suffered in childhood. Let's say in the family he was an unloved child or the parents paid more attention to their newly born sister. This traumatized the psyche, was remembered for a lifetime. As adults, he began to throw out all his "childish" negative on all the children.
Sexual attraction to children may be another factor. Pedophilia is a criminal offense, and the attitude towards pedophiles in our country is extremely bad. A person understands this, tries to control his morbid state, and therefore avoids minors.
Most married men suffer from pedophobia due to their social immaturity. They do not want to have children just because they are afraid of losing their freedom. Fun meetings with friends will come to an end. The prose of family life will come when it will be necessary to deal with the baby. In addition, the wife can transfer all her love to the child, and then what will remain for him? Yes, and there is a fear, but will he be able to fall in love with such a noisy addition to the family? And the extra expenses …
The mechanism of development of pedophobia in women
In the West, you will not surprise anyone with a childless family. This widespread phenomenon is called childfree - free of children. The ideology of such young couples can be expressed in the well-known maxim: "Children are the flowers of life, but it is better that they grow in someone else's garden." “Our life is short. There are so many problems in it, so at least one, which you yourself take on yourself, can be abandoned. And live for your own pleasure. " Some women think so, and for this reason they refuse to give birth.
An important role why a woman experiences fear of children is played by childhood memories, when, for example, the mother told her daughter that “I wish I hadn't given birth to you!” And talked about the “passions” associated with childbirth, about the difficulties associated with her content and education. And if the family is still incomplete, is it a single mother? There is also a lack of finance: it is hard to dress, there is no extra money for other children's expenses.
Social immaturity in women manifests itself in a slightly different way than in men. Their fear of having a child is accompanied by thoughts that they need to take care of him, breastfeed, and constantly look after him. In a word, it is necessary to change all your already established, habitual way of life. And although the fair sex by nature itself is predetermined for the continuation of the human race, this is far from being possible for everyone. Fear of a child makes some "beautiful" ladies leave their newborns in the hospital.
Important! Fear of children is socially conditioned, and in order to deal with it, you need to know when it was born in order to find the right way to deal with it.
Causes of pedophobia
Psychologists are considering several versions of pedophobia. Fear of children can be rooted in early childhood. Let's say a child in a family has been alone for a long time, he gets all the love and attention. And so the stork "brought" a brother or sister. Parents' concerns are doubled, now a lot of attention needs to be paid to the newborn. The child begins to be jealous of his younger "competitor" for parental affection.
Due to the peculiarities of character, this jealousy is fixed at a subconscious level. The boy begins to shun his sister, may even show aggression towards her. All this is nothing more than a manifestation of the fear of being deprived of family warmth. So, in a nutshell, you can describe the reason for the appearance of such a phobia, as a fear of children.
Fear of children can begin in adulthood. This is a social reason and is primarily associated with the insufficient financial situation of the family, when it deliberately abandons the child.
Let us consider in more detail all the factors accompanying the onset of such a phobia as the fear of children:
- Childhood … When a younger brother or sister appears in the family. The attitude towards them is jealous because of the fear of losing the love of their parents.
- Excessive parental love … All the best for children! For example, today it is the most expensive mobile phone, even the parents do not have one. Or excessive care and attention, when the child is indulged in everything: they do their homework for him, "pat him on the head" even for a bad offense. Psychologists say that behind such an attitude lies the fear of entering into a quarrel with the child. And this is one of the options for the manifestation of a phobia - fear of children.
- Lack of love in childhood … Parents did not pay due attention to their child or were more concerned with another child. This has left its mark on the psyche of the baby. As an adult, he began to hate children.
- Addiction to pedophilia … Painful attraction to sexual intercourse with children. A person understands his evil inclination and tries to fight it. Limits communication with children.
- Hater man … Does not consider children to be complete. This is due to the peculiarities of the psyche. In childhood, such a person suffered a great psychological trauma. Let's say a new suit was bought for a child, and he, playing in the yard, smeared it. At home he was scolded for this - they called him a fool, in other bad words, they beat him hard. Such injustice humiliated the dignity of the little man, left an imprint on his whole life. And when the boy grew up, he began to treat all children in the same way.
- Infantilism … Low social qualities of the individual. Self-doubt. Poor financial situation. In women, this is due to the fear of having a child and caring for him.
It's important to know! If a person does not like children, this is a breakdown of the soul. Even if he is doing well in life, he needs to consult a psychologist.
Manifestations of pedophobia in humans
The manifestations of external signs of fear of children in both sexes are largely similar. However, there are some differences. The woman will scream and calm down. A man can be silent for a long time, and then break loose, and if, moreover, he is in strong alcoholic intoxication, the consequences of such a breakdown can be very tragic: he is capable of hitting a child and causing him serious injuries, even fatal ones.
Let's consider how the fear of children manifests itself in men and women (in the family) in more detail:
- The woman left the child in the hospital … The reasons here may be different: she gave birth without a husband, there is no roof over her head, her financial situation is poor. However, it is often the fear of children as a mental disorder that makes the young mother leave the child in the hospital. Such a mother is terrified of all the difficulties associated with caring for a newborn.
- Parents are afraid of their children … The fear that the child will behave aggressively makes him indulge his whims. A child can grow up selfish and self-confident, and often he develops antisocial behavior. Often such indulgence turns against the parents, growing up, the "kids" forget about them, and if they live together, they are cruel to them.
- Fear of child aggression … It is more often characteristic of older people for the simple reason that youth is characterized by liveliness of communication: screams, noise, sudden movements. And so I want peace … Another point: fear of children develops into irritation and aggression, which can turn into a quarrel with unpredictable consequences. A tragic example: teenagers played basketball in the yard, shouted loudly, swore obscenely, a man went out onto the balcony and began to calm them down, a verbal skirmish ensued, a man jumped out of the entrance with a hunting rifle and shot at one of the guys, he died on the spot.
- Discomfort from communication … Outwardly, this manifests itself in the desire to move away from the child. In public transport, such a man (woman) will definitely change from a child who has sat down next to him. Such people do not stay at a party for a long time, children's voices and noise make them leave as quickly as possible. In the yard, they constantly make remarks to the kids, they say, be quieter, etc.
- Nervousness … Fear of children became the cause of neurosis, when, when talking with a child, sweat breaks through, hands begin to tremble, pulse quickens, and general weakness appears. This is already a sign of the disease when you need to see a doctor.
It's important to know! All manifestations of pedophobia indicate a mental disorder, which does not always reflect negatively on the life of an adult. But family life from this will not become happy. Avoiding children is like depriving yourself of the joy of being with nature.
Ways to Deal with Children's Fear
Is it necessary to fight with it? Pedophobia does not seem to seriously disturb the rhythm of life. In the end, it is up to every family, say, to have children or not. But such couples will never experience an exciting human feeling - the joy of having a son or daughter. Although if such an alignment of life suits them … However, to voluntarily deprive themselves of the main human joy - to continue their race - this is a flawed consciousness. To combat phobias in humans, there are many different psychotherapeutic techniques. In the end, he himself can try to overcome his fear of children in the case when the neurosis has not seriously affected his health and there is no need to turn to a psychotherapist.
Independent ways to combat pedophobia
Autogenic training will help you overcome your fear of children on your own. It's no secret that a person can inspire himself with any thoughts. So you need to tune in to overcome the "childish" fear. Self-training is certain psychological self-hypnosis techniques that calm the nervous system and help get rid of a phobia.
Self-regulation of your state is achieved by meditation - focusing your thoughts on something. For example, on music or the rustle of foliage with a light breeze. It calms, helps to tune in a benevolent mood.
Meditation techniques include:
- Visualization … When a person concentrates his attention on mental images, for example, on children. Repeating the exercise daily will help relieve your phobia.
- Affirmation … Repeated repetition of the desired phrase, for example: "I'm not afraid." It is fixed in the subconscious and, ultimately, has a positive effect on the human psyche.
- Breathing regulation … If you want to live long, breathe right! There are many different techniques where a deep breath is alternated with a hold on the exhale. Eastern teachings, such as Hatha Yoga, believe that breathing helps in spiritual and physical self-improvement. For example, "full breathing" according to the yogic system combines the lower, middle and upper breathing, when all the muscles of the respiratory apparatus (diaphragm, chest) move. All cells of the body are saturated with oxygen, the person feels good.
- Relax your muscles … Negative thoughts keep not only the psyche, but also the body in tension. To relax, you need a set of special exercises: all kinds of stretching, self-massage. This will help relieve excess muscle tension and feel healthier. Thus, the harmony of the physical and mental state will be achieved.
Psychotherapeutic methods to combat pedophobia
He himself flourished in this world, leave behind children, let them also know the joy of being. Otherwise, your age will be idle. People suffering from a fear of having children need to realize this and, before it's too late, to undergo a course of psychotherapy in order to live a full life surrounded by their offspring.
If a person cannot cope with his fear of children on his own, then you need to contact a psychotherapist. He will help to understand the cause of the phobia, select a way to treat it. Any psychotherapeutic technique will help to get rid of fear, for example, the fear of having children. The most effective are hypnosis, cognitive behavioral therapy, or gestalt therapy. Without going into the details of the techniques, we note that they are all aimed at correcting thought processes and behavioral reactions.
In hypnosis sessions, patients suffering from a fear of having a child are taught that there is no need to be afraid of children, a childless woman is like a dry, barren tree. In its bare branches it is silent - birds do not make noise, and in a house without children it is deserted without childish noise. This attitude is fixed in the subconscious and helps to get rid of your fear.
During cognitive behavioral therapy, the psychologist helps the patient deal with their negative thoughts in order to free them from them and tune in to the positive. And this, in turn, affects behavior. And if a person is determined to get rid of his phobia - fear of children, he will definitely change his attitude towards them.
Gestalt therapy is based on the understanding that emotions govern a person's life. If you get rid of your negative feelings, for example, in relation to children, a person will live a full life.
In psychotherapy, a method has proven itself excellent when patients suffering from one type of fear jointly discuss their problem. Understanding that you are not alone in fighting your fear of children allows you to quickly get away from it.
It's important to know! Only in the process of a comprehensive examination, the psychotherapist can prescribe the most suitable psychotherapy method for the patient. How to get rid of the fear of children - watch the video:
Fear of children is not a pathology, but a mild neurosis. Only in rare circumstances does it develop into hatred, which can have tragic consequences. In most cases, however, this condition is stopped if you undergo a course of treatment with a psychotherapist. And then the joy of communicating with children, especially with your own, will become a wonderful gift in life.
