The article describes the problem of the feeling of shame and the reasons for its occurrence, the impact on a person's life, as well as ways to overcome it. The feeling of shame is embarrassment, self-condemnation, when a person is embarrassed by what he has done, from the realization that his actions could harm others. This is a feeling that is unknown exclusively to people without complexes or cynics. However, they are also ashamed of themselves because of the opportunities missed in life. Therefore, this feeling is familiar to almost everyone. You just need to understand the types and causes of the condition that has arisen, which affects the soul and body.
The impact of shame on a person's life
Oddly enough it sounds, but not only beauty will save the world. He will be helped by a society that consists of harmonious and self-aware people. Excessive self-doubt, being programmed for a guilt complex can ruin the life of any person.
Do not confuse the embarrassment of an accidental offense with a systematic sense of shame in a vulnerable and refined nature. Guilt is something that can become a temporary phenomenon in the life of a person who made a mistake and feels discomfort because of it. With a sense of shame, everything is much more complicated, because in this case, other psychological mechanisms are at work. Experts in the field of human souls and actions determine the influence of a sense of shame on a person's life by the following parameters:
- Low self-esteem … A subject who considers himself to be the worst can become just that in the eyes of society. No one wants to deal with a self-doubting, depressed person.
- Fear of public opinion … The feeling of shame very often is nothing more than the fear of appearing different from everyone else. Some people do not understand that this is not bad at all, and drown their lives in an ocean of self-flagellation.
- Blocking desires … Psychologists say that shame makes a person give up their dreams. A vulnerable introvert is emotionally frozen by an artificially created perspective of social condemnation.
- Self-contempt … This parameter is very close to low self-esteem, but it is its most extreme point of development. The constant feeling of shame makes a person such a notorious personality that he has no time to evaluate the actions of others in the process of self-destruction.
The main reasons for the appearance of shame in a person
Sometimes it is worth focusing on those people who have atrophied such a feeling as shame. Such individuals need not only to be feared, but it is also necessary to completely stop communicating with them. However, there is a category of people who does not harm others and needs help. The causes of their problems can be of very different educational nature, which should be sorted out.
Sources of shame in children
The commonplace phrase that children are our future has a much more philosophical background than we think. What you sow is what you reap in the process of forming a little man. Therefore, responsible parents need to properly manage their child's shame to avoid harmful consequences. The reasons for this phenomenon primarily lie in the following factors:
- Little sacrifice of parents … Very often, adults do not think about their words, which they say in anger or out of the best intentions only for themselves. Phrases like “you are waiting for my death” or “why are you not like Vanechka from the next doorway” cause irreparable harm to the child's psyche. The child begins to think that he is really worse than the neighbor's kid. The worst thing is that an egoist can grow out of Vanya, and a baby with a good life position, thanks to his parents, will become an outcast. The feeling of shame will be a constant companion of such a victim of parental pedagogical illiteracy.
- Stencil child … It is very easy to identify such babies or adolescents. Stereotyped adult phrases and lack of personal opinion are the hallmarks of these children. Tyrant parents, of course, love their children, but they want to grow out of them a semblance of themselves. If the child either cannot or does not want to meet such a bar, the mechanism of guilt is triggered in him. At first, this will be expressed in doubts about their usefulness and in relation to their parents, and then an adult will become ashamed of everything and everyone.
- Outcast children's collective … No one has yet canceled such a concept as the influence of the social environment on a person. In the film "Scarecrow" by the remarkable director Rolan Bykov, this very phenomenon is vividly and harshly shown. The child's psyche is very fragile, so a feeling of shame can be laid due to the elementary cruelty of peers in relation to the chosen victim.
All of these situations are a wake-up call for those parents who, in the race for an imaginary ideal, do not notice how their child suffers and becomes overgrown with complexes.
Sources of shame in adults
With adults, with the described problem, sometimes everything is much easier. If the pathological feeling of guilt has not been laid since childhood, then it is much easier to deal with it. The question of how to remove the feeling of shame should be considered judiciously by an adult. He should learn for himself the main reasons for the impasse that has arisen, which can be characterized as follows:
- Humiliation by a loved one … We trust our family and friends, so we open our souls to them. Sometimes they selflessly then spit at her, causing a very severe injury. When analyzing an act, it is simply impossible to figure out why native people could act in this way with him. The result is shame for oneself, because the one who was the closest and closest hit in the gut.
- Unpleasant life situation … Very few can boast that they are not afraid of the fact of being compromised in the eyes of society. Only shocking people or a category of the population under the sonorous popular name "do not care" are happy about this. One moment of shame can even turn a very self-confident person into an openly harassed person with a constant feeling of shame.
- Gossip victim … A bad person is the one about whom the main guardians of public opinion do not like to gossip. Such persons do not notice their sins and oversights because of the iron principles that their actions cannot be condemned, since everyone is ideal. As for neighbors, colleagues, or even a passing person with a disgustingly happy face, in this case, there is an intensive work to spread disinformation. Someone will simply smile at this fact, but many may become hostages of such public opinion.
Remember! In each of these cases, you need to remain yourself. In case of provocation, to succumb to the pressure of strangers from outsiders means to directly abandon one's own “I”.
Signs of a bashful person
It is easiest to identify a person in your environment with the type of blue thief from the novel "The Twelve Chairs." Blushing and embarrassed, he did whatever he pleased. It is much more difficult to figure out a person whose heightened sense of shame has become a kind of life credo. However, psychologists were able to find "traps" that clearly define people with a similar life position:
- Desire to be invisible … Modesty is a wonderful feeling that especially adorns the graduates of the boarding school for noble maidens. Nobody claims that impudence is a worthy quality of a person. However, the passion to get lost in the crowd cannot be an adequate desire for a self-sufficient person.
- Frequent mood swings … This manifestation of the essence is also characteristic of melancholic people, who are not subject to strong, but prolonged outbursts of anger. Such people are ready to destroy the offender, wipe him off the face of the earth, and at the same time turn it around its axis. The plans described are grandiose in scale, but only a revenge developer with chronic shame knows about them.
- Suicidal tendencies … If you do not take into account mentally ill people who simply cherish the dream of a beautiful departure from life, then this desire betrays the owner of a complex of chronic guilt. Among people who want to commit suicide, the largest percentage are representatives of the club of active self-torturers.
- Irrational behavior … The violation of adaptation in this case makes a researcher of his own soul out of a person. He is so immersed in his complexes that he does not care about analyzing the life of a neighbor who is a chronic alcoholic. In the head of such a person there is only one thought: I am the worst - period.
Psychologists say there are more and more people with chronic shame. According to the characteristics described, they can really be identified in their environment. There is no need to help tyrants and cynics (they do not need support), but those familiar with such a problem need advice and friendly support.
Personality variations depending on the manifestation of feelings of shame
Feelings of guilt towards someone are inherent in many people, unless it is about cynics or narcissistic narcissists. The former see the world as they see fit due to the lack of faith in moral principles. The second type of people is easier: they do not see anyone but themselves. However, some seekers of the truth of life often experience a state of false shame.
It would seem that there is no reason for alarm, but such people are easy to calculate by the following criteria:
- Blue thief … As already mentioned, this category of people is easy to calculate. Their sense of shame is hypocrisy and outright meanness at its most sophisticated. Consequently, such a contingent can hardly be called bashful people.
- Child trauma victim … In this case, it is worth talking about the fact that a person could have a different life position if he had a different upbringing format in childhood. Practice shows that most of the broken lives and broken families have a background of a crippled childhood.
- Secret psychopath … Quite often, individuals with a chronic presence of shame suffer from the fact that they cannot throw their negative emotions out. Basically, these are melancholic with lingering bouts of an aggressive state, which they keep inside themselves.
- Thirty three misfortunes … The classic loser is often held hostage by chronic guilt and shame. He is pursued by misfortunes, therefore he considers himself a worthless person and a toy in the hands of fate. At best, he will perceive what is happening with a smile, ashamed of his mistakes in life. At worst, he will put an end to his life, considering himself an outcast of society.
Note! In the life of every person, there is a streak of failures or stressful situations that do not spill out. In this case, it is important not to let the feeling of shame and guilt take root in your life and destroy it.
How to deal with shame
Feelings of shame are a great manifestation of the essence if it is expressed in moderation. However, very often this interferes with the formation of a full-fledged personality from a child or the achievement of an adult's dream.
The question of how to get rid of the feeling of shame can be solved in this way:
- Self-hypnosis … No one can convince himself as much as the person himself. “It's a shame when you see that there is nothing to show” is a great expression in this case. They discuss - it's wonderful, they impose complexes - they remember, they don't give life - it means that you are their meaning of being. You need to act exactly according to this scheme so as not to become hostage to chronic feelings of guilt.
- Reassessment of life values … Very often we are ashamed of what is really beautiful. Many are afraid to show their sentimentality or hobby on the verge of kitsch. It is important to remember only that all people are individual and not subject to standardization. In this case, you should not be ashamed of yourself, because the norm is a very approximate concept.
- Seeing a psychotherapist … In this case, even a friend will come in handy, who will take on the mission of a vest for the abundant tears of a friend. If the problem is out of control, then the help of a specialist will not hurt, but, on the contrary, will significantly alleviate the state of mind and help to establish inner harmony.
- Extravagant act … People will not advise bad when they say that they knock out a wedge with a wedge. There is no need to go to extremes in the form of walking naked down the street or singing folk songs in the central park of the city. You just need to find out for yourself the cause of false shame and try to solve it in an alternative way.
How to overcome the feeling of shame - watch the video:
Many people are concerned about the problem of how to overcome the feeling of shame that does not allow them to develop fully. First of all, you need to believe in yourself, because a strong personality is able to withstand any adversity, temptation and non-constructive criticism. And secondly, regularly work on yourself, set significant and not very goals, but be sure to achieve what you want.
