The feeling of jealousy and the origins of its formation. The article will discuss the causes of the sounded pathological state and the means of dealing with such emotional emotions, which are able to destroy even the strongest family. The feeling of jealousy is a "green-eyed monster," as the great William Shakespeare once pointed out. Very often, such emotions can destroy even the strongest and warmest relationships between people who love each other. Therefore, it is necessary to understand the causes of this mental pathology and the ways of regulating the sounded harmful manifestation.
Causes of jealousy in humans
In life, there are different situations that a person is not able to control. Jealousy is a fairly common condition. In small doses, it not only does not interfere, but even brings a kind of "zest" to the relationship, adding passion to them.
However, in the case of moral or physical aggression towards a loved one, you should understand the reasons for jealousy:
- Self-doubt … Very often, people with such a behavior model received little attention and affection during their childhood. Consequently, the complexes created at the same time prevent in the present with full trust to relate to the partner. It seems to an insecure person that for all his shortcomings, the beloved (beloved) is looking for a more perfect candidate for creating a new pair.
- Cheating on a dear person in the past … Swingers are very philosophical about this issue, so they do not know the pangs of jealousy. However, there are not so many people in this category, therefore, very often cheating is perceived by a person extremely painfully. After the betrayal of a partner who has sunk into the soul, the deceived individual subsequently develops distrust of everything and everyone.
- Doubts about a loved one … Even if a jealous person has not experienced the fact of infidelity in the past, he can constantly monitor the movements of the other half, phone calls, and social networks. Sometimes it comes to a manic state, when the partner's freedom is completely limited.
- Lack of attention from the chosen one … We all want to be loved and cared for in a way that suits human nature. In the case of an indifferent or superficial attitude on the part of the second half, some people begin to imagine the fact of betrayal. It is worth being objective about the fact that sometimes the voiced assumption is true.
- Significant age difference between partners … In this case, it does not matter who is older than whom: a man is a woman or vice versa. Fear of betrayal is very often present in such couples, when a more mature partner is afraid of betrayal on the part of his young half. We must pay tribute to the fact that there are exceptions to the rules, and a couple of different ages lives happily ever after in complete harmony with each other.
- Different social status of lovers … It is no secret that a rich man has a large selection among the fair sex. A wealthy woman in years is also able to captivate a younger partner with her well-ordered and prosperous life. Peers of the same age can have different social status, which is also quite common. At the same time, a feeling of jealousy can appear both in a wealthier partner and in a person who is less fortunate in financial terms.
- An unstable relationship in a couple … Very often, lovers face this problem at the very beginning of their romantic relationship. There is a so-called "grinding", because each in a pair has its own well-established character. After entering into a legal marriage or starting a life together without registration, such a phenomenon can become even more aggravated, because everyday life, as a rule, puts everything in its place. A feeling of resentment at unjustified hopes can lead to an unflattering comparison of a partner with other people, which in turn will trigger the mechanism of jealousy in him.
- Excessive playfulness of one of the partners … Coquetry in women and increased attention to beautiful ladies in men are good in moderation. If such manifestations cross the line of decency, then this can cause an attack of jealousy in the second half of the flirting partner. It is worth noting that such playful persons do not always set themselves the goal of seducing someone else's partner or just an acquaintance. Usually they are driven by two reasons: for them it is either a normal demeanor, or a way to assert themselves and prove that they are still attractive to the opposite sex.
- Jealousy because of their behavior … Very often, overly jealous is the one who himself is guilty of treason. At the same time, such people understand that if they themselves allow themselves such free behavior, then their other half can do the same.
- Strange partner behavior … In this case, you should talk about the constant absences and late coming home of one of the couple. A mysterious person never gives explanations, because he considers such a thing beneath his dignity. In response, the offenders can even be given a voluminous and meaningful lecture on the freedom of movement of any person.
- Established tradition … Jealous means that he loves unambiguously and unconditionally. Many people live according to such an illogical scheme, not realizing that sincere feelings imply trust and respect for each other. In some cases, it even comes to such an absurdity that beats - it means that he loves. At the same time, it is possible to talk for a long time about the substitution of concepts and some deformation of human relations, which is definitely a deviation from the generally accepted norm.
- Abuse of strong drinks … Green devils after another glass of fiery liquid begin to whisper the most incredible things to the jealous. At the same time, they speak convincingly, creating in the thoughts of a man or a woman under the hop colorful pictures of the alleged betrayal.
- Slander and slander … Very often we listen to those who should be excluded from the ranks of our friends and acquaintances. However, susceptible persons are able to believe everything that their envious people say, thus destroying their own lives.
- Fear of loneliness … People who simply feel physical pain when no one is around are ready to do anything to keep their chosen one near them. Consequently, they begin an active search for prospective rivals with the aim of removing them from the partner's field of vision.
Note! Jealous people are not a separate caste, but people who are among us. The reasons for their adversity can lie in any of the listed factors, so it is quite easy to calculate their behavior model.
Signs of pathological jealous people
A person who is distrustful of his half is immediately visible. Psychologists identify the following signs of jealousy:
- Excessive suspicion … People of this kind always need to know where their loved one is. Even a trip to a bakery is perceived by pathological jealous people as a likely fact of treason. They simply treat their other half with questions about its movement in time and space.
- Fear of loss … A jealous person constantly demands a declaration of love from his partner, which over time becomes just a fix idea. The phrase that a loved one has lost interest in him becomes a crown in the whole speech of a suspicious self-lover.
- Unreasonable fantasies … The other half of a jealous person will always be guilty of all sins - real and imaginary. Even if she does not undertake anything reprehensible, all the same, the violent fantasy of the home despot will convict her of treason. It is quite difficult to convince such a person who is in a state of passion. He said that the other half was not true to him - period.
- Excessive aggressiveness … This is the most dangerous type of jealous, because, in addition to moralizing and persecuting a loved one, this type of people, out of the slightest doubt, can use physical force against the object of passion. The likes of Othello are capable of destroying and poisoning the life of even a person whom they love very much. Rage obscures their eyes when the described madmen see the betrayal of their second half.
Important! You should not be frivolous about the behavior of a person with the listed signs. Jealous people are extremely dangerous because they are capable of the most cruel and unpredictable actions.
Ways to Deal with Feelings of Jealousy
Every adequate person who understands all the destructive power of his groundless suspicions must pull himself together. Psychologists have developed a number of guidelines for dealing with jealousy and helping yourself. However, it should be noted that this feeling often differs depending on whether we are suffering from a man or a woman.
Fighting jealousy in men
As you know, a gender approach in the voiced question will not hurt. Male jealousy sometimes has a slightly different nature of origin and development.
A wise woman who loves her life partner is able to eliminate the pathological feeling from the chosen one as follows:
- Raising a man's self-esteem … Even the most courageous representatives of the stronger sex have their own complexes. It is because of them that they begin to fear the fact that the beloved woman will start looking for a life partner more reliably or with a thicker wallet. Therefore, you need to convince your partner that he is the best in the world. In this case, you should not be afraid to over praise a man, because there is never much affection for a person whom you truly love and appreciate.
- Confidential conversation … A heart-to-heart conversation has not yet harmed anyone, if at the same time you do not present your beloved with a long list of his negative qualities. This will further confirm him in the thought that he is being cunningly cheated on and looking for an ideal partner. You should calmly ask your chosen one what is the reason for his mistrust and why jealousy affects his behavior so much. In a conversation of this kind, facts that were previously unknown to the woman can be revealed.
- Competent reaction to provocation … Of course, you can shout in response to an outbreak of jealousy. However, retaliatory female aggression will only aggravate the situation, heating it to the limit. A wise and perspicacious woman needs to calm down internally even with offensive accusations from her partner. You should not go too far, pretending to be indifferent, because this will only show the jealous person the indifference to him on the part of his beloved.
- Providing surveillance capabilities … Some skeptics will indignantly protest when they hear the voiced. However, this method works one hundred percent and unconditionally. If a man likes to constantly pursue his beloved, then let him enjoy the delightful process as much as he pleases. After a certain period of time, the jealous person will make sure that his significant other is actually visiting a hairdresser or grocery store, and will stop his vain race for evidence of infidelity.
- Specialist help … In extreme cases, when the partner does not hear anyone's arguments, you can seek advice from a psychotherapist. A competent specialist is able to bring any patient to a frank conversation. He will help you find the reasons for uncontrollable jealousy in a man and point out ways to eliminate the problem that has arisen.
- Treatment by a narcologist … Sadly it sounds, but very often a jealous person begins his violent activity under the influence of alcohol, if it has become a habit with him. It will be extremely difficult for the man himself to solve the problem that has arisen, so it is worth convincing him of the need to visit a specialist in this area.
- Self help to yourself … A self-sufficient and strong-willed man will eventually understand that his distrust of his partner only destroys a harmonious relationship. Consequently, he will decide for himself which way out of this situation to take. In this case, he will not need the help of a woman, because a real man is able to solve his problems on his own.
Fighting jealousy in women
It should be noted that the fair sex is also susceptible to a similar phenomenon. The widespread opinion about the obligatory polygamy of men, which they are in no hurry to dispel, makes women always be on their guard.
You should deal with the problem that has arisen with the understanding that you will have to find a way out of this situation by yourself:
- Self-hypnosis method … It is no secret that there are women next to us who are superior to us in some way. Smart competitors are not so scary if they do not have visual appeal. You can dispute this fact for a long time, but still men love with their eyes. Therefore, it is necessary to constantly inspire yourself that your beloved has chosen you from all the beautiful rivals, which means that there is no reason for alarm. But this does not at all give a woman the right to dissolve and stop taking care of herself.
- Planning the leisure of your beloved man … Not a single person will ignore the fact that they are interested in his inner world. A man will always hurry home, where not just a well-groomed wife will be waiting for him, but an interesting person for him. You should study the partner's preferences in detail, which is not so difficult for every observant lady to do. If the family constantly spends their leisure time together, then the woman will simply cease to be groundlessly jealous of her husband. And for this it is necessary to come up with joint activities that are interesting to both partners. But a banal heart-to-heart talk, sincere attention to problems at work and other exciting issues will also help to get closer and understand that there is simply no one to replace his mother, wife and best friend in one person.
- Positive example method … If at the sight of a beautiful colleague who is trying to flirt with her husband, the wife's blood begins to boil with rabies, then this is an unequivocal recognition of his defeat as a person. On the contrary, considering effective potential rivals, take the best for yourself for orientation. In this case, female jealousy should become a kind of stimulus to improve her appearance. And besides, it doesn't hurt to understand that this gorgeous colleague has been alone and unhappy for a very long time, since she is ready to flirt even with a married man.
How to deal with jealousy - watch the video:
Jealousy is a feeling that can arise both spontaneously and transform into a chronic mental illness. Not every person is able to fully control their distrust of a partner. However, you should consider all possible options for how to get rid of jealousy. Otherwise, the family boat will leak thoroughly and sink safely.
