What most often becomes the cause of the quarrels of the newlyweds. What conflicts are there in a young family. The most effective ways to resolve conflict situations. Types of conflicts in the family according to the form of manifestation:
- Open. Conflicts with an obvious external manifestation (smashing dishes, talking in a raised voice, fights, tantrums, scandals, quarrels, slamming the door, using physical force, etc.).
- Hidden. These are contradictions experienced internally (boycott, ignorance, demonstrative silence or coldness, harsh gestures or views of denial).
Forms of family conflicts based on the result:
- Constructive. Those that have a positive outcome. That is, they help relieve tension within the family and enhance mutual understanding. Even if such a dispute leaves a heavy "aftertaste", it will not last long. And then it is perceived as an accident, which helped the spouses to understand each other even more, to trust and bring the relationship to a higher level.
- Destructive. These are conflicts that only increase the tension between the newlyweds and can lead to divorce.
Also, conflict situations between young spouses are divided according to the adequacy of perception (adequate, inadequate and false), according to the strength of perception (strong and weak), in time (long and fleeting), in depth (deep and superficial).
Important! Specialists have highlighted one feature of family conflicts, which also applies to marital conflicts in a young family: the most stable and protracted contradictions "live" where they do not consider it necessary to limit themselves to some kind of framework: what I want, I say what I want, so I am doing.
Ways to resolve conflicts in a young family
In resolving a family conflict, a lot depends on how much the newlyweds are ready to yield to each other, change and compromise, on their maturity in terms of responsibility, perception of others and acceptance of their imperfection. An important role is played by how accurately the "puzzles" coincide in the overall picture of the spouses. Therefore, ideally, it is better to try to find out all possible nuances before marriage. This will reduce the number of quarrels, but still not get rid of them.
We advise you to choose the most suitable method for resolving conflicts:
- Pole change method … One of the main advice of psychologists in the event of a conflict is to restrain one's emotions, that is, to avoid destructive tactics of behavior (shouting, insulting, ignoring, egocentrism, etc.). Positive behavior can be a much more effective “release” of tension. For example, in the case of a minor disagreement, you can relieve tension with a joke or a distracting "maneuver" to transfer the conversation to another topic. If the conflict has a more serious basis, you can switch to active listening to your opponent - this is a calm, attentive perception of what was said, acceptance of information and understanding. This behavior also helps to reduce tension between spouses. Moreover, it helps to achieve mutual understanding and show respect.
- Prevention method … Prevention is effective not only for disease. This method can be actively used in marital relations. This can be a line of behavior - respect for a partner, understanding, mutual assistance, encouragement of positive qualities and achievements. This also includes holding back anger, anger, irritability, and bad mood. For example, if you feel that you are about to break on your spouse simply because of a bad mood, it is better to take a walk on the street or do the cleaning.
- Method of one motive … It is very important not to turn a banal quarrel into a grandiose scandal, "clinging" to unwashed dishes or a bottle of beer drunk after work, more significant reasons - financial insolvency, betrayal, disrespectful attitude, etc. Make it a rule to be consistent in sorting out the relationship - the topic of discussion should be one. And there is no need to weave past "exploits" into it.
- Tete-a-tete method … If the topic of family squabbles has become the behavior or actions of a spouse or child, there is no need to make remarks to the guilty person in the presence of other people. Discuss the problem without unnecessary eyes and ears. First, it will save the pride of the hero of the "celebration". Secondly, there is no need to wash dirty linen in public: you will solve your disagreements and forget about them, and in the memory of observers of the conflict, they can be postponed for a long time. Especially in the memory of a child who often becomes an unwitting spectator of parents' quarrels.
- The attentive listener method … Another way to "extinguish" a family conflict is to learn to listen to your counterpart to the end. Not interrupting even when he says something completely unacceptable. This allows one spouse to fully express himself, and the other to understand his position. In addition, a calm discussion of the problem contributes to the quickest search for compromises and develops a culture of communication in the family, where they not only know how to listen to each other, but also talk about their feelings and needs, as well as admit the presence of those in others.
Any conflict, including a family one, can be resolved if both sides want it. If one of the parties (or both) take the position of the ultimate truth or fundamentally do not want to compromise, it will be very difficult to reach an armistice.
How to resolve a conflict in a young family - watch the video:
Conflicts in a young family are inevitable, since there are no ideal relationships. But this does not mean that you cannot try to bring them closer to the ideal. It will take a lot of strength, understanding, respect and patience, but this is precisely the secret of happy married couples.
