A complex of excellent pupils and the reasons for the emergence of the desire to become an ideal in everything. Perfectionism: symptoms of its manifestation and how to fix the problem. An excellent pupil's complex is a woman's striving for the ideal, which later develops into perfectionism (a neurotic state when the search for perfection is elevated to a cult). With a given life position, you can achieve great results in your career and personal relationships, but it is worth understanding the reverse side of the coin of this phenomenon.
The reasons for the emergence of a complex of excellent pupils
Trying to be correct in literally everything is not forbidden, if it does not go over the edge of reason. The desire to become a person without flaw can have the following origins of formation, which are usually laid in childhood:
- Lack of heat … Every baby wants to be loved not for some merit, but simply for the fact that her parents have her. If this does not happen, then the baby begins to shift the blame of adults onto himself. At the same time, the child acts according to the scheme "they do not like - I am very bad - you have to earn the love of the parents." As a result, perfectionism develops, when a matured girl wants to please literally everyone in her environment.
- Demanding parents … Sometimes they place too high hopes on the child, which he is then unable to justify. As she forms, the girl begins to think that in the adult world it is necessary to keep the previously set high bar.
- Improper reward … Some parents try to get their children to be diligent by financially supporting them in fulfilling certain obligations. In this case, such a model of upbringing can lead to the formation of an excellent pupil's complex. The girl becomes an adult special, but continues to try to be ideal in everything for the acquisition of material wealth.
- Invalid comparison … If a baby from early childhood is compared in a negative way with her sister or another girl, then this will cause significant mental trauma to the child. For the rest of her life, she will try to prove to everyone (primarily parents) that she is the best of the best.
- Peer criticism … The children's team is sometimes cruel to those who are somehow different from him. A girl with an extraordinary vision of reality can fall under a kind of "skating rink" of public opinion. As a result, she will try to become not just like everyone else, but better than anyone and everyone.
- Inborn ambition … Psychologists insist on the fact that very often genetics influences the formation of the worldview of children. If mom or dad were perfectionists, then their child may behave the same way. In fact, he is simply copying the parent's behavior pattern.
- Incorrect installation … If not only the girl's parents live in the house, but also the older generation, then you can expect all kinds of surprises from him. It all starts with a competition for the best verse or drawing and ends with a competition with friends for the title of the most brilliant granddaughter.
- Contests … Recently, events have become popular where girls have to show their appearance or creativity. The age of the contestants is decreasing every year, which makes psychologists more and more worried about this. If a baby is taught from a young age that she should be the best, then one hundred percent perfectionist will eventually grow out of her.
- School Olympiads … Girls who have significant achievements in several subjects often find themselves in a stressful situation with such a test of knowledge. They have to prove their knowledge against the backdrop of fierce competition, which then becomes the norm.
- Orphanhood … Some girls who are left without parents react very sharply to this fact. If they ended up in a social institution not because of the death of dad and mom, then they can devote their whole life to becoming an ideal wife and mother.
Note! Almost all of the above reasons for the excellent pupil's complex are associated with some kind of mental trauma in childhood. Therefore, parents need to pay as much attention to their daughters as possible so that their child's problem does not develop into neurosis in the future.
Manifestations of the excellent pupil's complex
The symptoms of the ideal girl or woman are not hard to identify. Perfectionists tend to stand out from ordinary people because their behavior is as follows:
- Complexity … Oddly enough it sounds, but such ladies are insecure. It is for this reason that they try to prove to themselves and to everyone that they are ideal in every sense of the person.
- Race for the prize … At school and college, this behavior is manifested in the desire to receive exceptionally high scores, even at the cost of nervous exhaustion. In personal life, perfectionism is characterized by the search for the perfect life partner, sterile cleanliness in the apartment, perfect culinary skills, and more.
- Self-sacrifice … Such a woman is capable of pulling a cart of other people's problems only in order to feel her own significance. She is always ready to answer for other people's mistakes, correcting them even to her own detriment.
- Increased self-criticism … The perfectionist reacts very painfully to the slightest remark. She immediately begins to engage in self-flagellation even if she was undeservedly reprimanded.
- Rejection of the "golden mean" … The signs of an excellent pupil's complex are manifested in maximalism. For such girls or women, there are no words "okay", "not bad" and "good", because for them there is only a verdict in the form of "excellent" and "impeccable".
- Fear of failure … All people are afraid to make a mistake, but usually they learn from them and forget about the bitter experience. Perfectionists are terrified before starting any business, fearing not to justify other people's hopes.
- Categorical towards other people … The life of even strangers, perfectionists can be viewed literally under a microscope. They are annoyed by people with their weaknesses, which they do not hide.
- Desire to change the world … Women of this type are trying to improve not only themselves and their immediate environment, but the whole society as a whole. In some cases, this is expressed in the desire to prove themselves in politics or in any other public activity.
Ways to deal with an excellent pupil's complex
If such a problem has become a stumbling block in the pursuit of a happy life, then it must be eliminated. If you want to figure out how to get rid of the excellent pupil's complex, you should heed the advice of psychologists. They, like no one else, know effective methods to get rid of problems. But the role of the person himself is also important.
Independent actions to get rid of the excellent pupil's complex
Perfectionism is a psychological problem that can be reversed on your own as follows:
- Give weakness … Native people love us not for some superpowers, but just like that. Therefore, it is necessary to stop pretending to be an iron lady who can literally everything. In case of failures, you can even complain about your short-sightedness, and not once again collect all your will in a steel fist.
- Learn to forgive your shortcomings … It's time to forget about the delusion that there are ideal people in the world. They are not and cannot be, because each of us is subject to one or another human weakness. It is necessary to kindly reproach yourself for an oversight and forget about it forever.
- Organize your vacation … Gone are the days of working on yourself and your home 24 hours a day. Daily spring cleaning will wait some time, because now you need to devote your leisure time to reading books, walking or doing your favorite hobby.
- Take a trip … We should leave the gloomy thoughts that without a perfectionist, the house will collapse, and the children and husband will die of starvation. All of them will perfectly cope with everyday life and without their ideal wife and mother.
- Change image … Women of this type always have a neat hairstyle, hair to hair, and clothes in a classic style. It's time to play a little hooliganism and experiment with your appearance (without bringing such manipulations to the point of absurdity).
- Find a new hobby … Perfectionists tend to judge those who do unusual things. However, if she wants to get rid of the complex of an excellent student, a woman can start collecting caps and stickers from bottles or candy wrappers. The more serious the new hobby is, the better it is for the once ideal person.
- Visit unusual places … Any perfectionist will be horrified at the prospect of paying attention to a biker festival or bartender competition. Do not be intimidated by such events, because in a relaxed atmosphere among the liberated personalities, the super-lady can feel like an ordinary person.
- Arrange a self-government day … The perfectionist's apartment resembles an intensive care unit and even surpasses it in sterility. The moment has come when you can allow your children to play pranks (within reason), and your husband can leave dirty socks in the most conspicuous place.
- Change your speaking style … When talking with a lady who has an excellent pupil's complex, people feel like delinquent children. The regularity, prudence of each word and the mentor's tone always give out a perfectionist headlong. You should relax, smile at the interlocutor and conduct a dialogue with him without moralizing and analyzing your own life.
- Start asking for help … A woman was not born to hold a frying pan or a vacuum cleaner in her hands for days. It's time to love yourself and assign some of the responsibilities to your family. At work, it is no longer forbidden to ask for support from colleagues when completing a difficult task.
- To have a pet … Women with an excellent pupil's complex may have their own favorite, which pollutes her home to a minimum. In most cases, these are aquarium fish or shorthaired cats. You can get a dog or a guinea pig by giving them a non-standard nickname.
- Rearrange the house … This process in itself will indicate that the time for change has come. The perfectionist has all the furniture arranged in a strict order. It's time to break it in order to get rid of the stereotypes that have been created in the mind once and for all.
- Spend an evening watching a movie … In this case, the film "Diary of Bridget Jones" is suitable. The main character of this instructive story does not hide her delight and pride that her chosen one loves her with all her shortcomings.
Expert advice for eliminating the complex of excellent pupils
This behavior model is successfully corrected by psychologists as follows:
- Confidential conversation … At sessions with a specialist, a woman can finally take off the mask of an ideal lady. Modern Mary Poppins will be able to entrust the psychologist with those secrets that she was ashamed to reveal to her loved ones.
- Replacing the installation … The patient is asked to write on a piece of paper all complaints against herself. Then she needs to voice the reason for each dissatisfaction with herself. A competent specialist will easily debunk each item from this list, because in most cases a picture of a far-fetched problem comes to light.
- Hard questions method … The psychologist invites a woman with an excellent pupil's complex to conduct a kind of quiz with him. The questions are arranged according to the scheme “desire for a better result - expenditure of time and effort - expediency of what has been done - disappointing conclusions”.
- Future analysis method … The patient, during a conversation with a doctor, should describe her life, which awaits her in 20 years. The result is a sad picture: the children grew up and started their own families, and the husband, with such an ideal wife, became lazy and literally began to parasitize at her expense.
- Family therapy … During such a session, a conversation is conducted with both spouses. The husband is asked questions about what exactly he values in his beloved woman. In most cases, the perfectionist is shocked by his confessions, because her beauty and intelligence are voiced, and not the ability to do a hundred things at the same time. In some families, men in general are very tired of the ideality of their second halves, the situation reaches the point of absurdity, when, instead of exquisite dishes, the husband simply asks to cook soup with pasta right at the psychologist's appointment.
- Group therapy … After individual consultations with a specialist, you can start attending trainings, where a team of psychologists invites their patients to complete certain tasks. During such events, you can find yourself a friend in misfortune in order to help each other in the future to cope with self-dissatisfaction.
The excellent pupil's complex and its consequences
In this case, I recall the words of the schoolgirl's mother in the cult film "You Never Dreamed of" that she does not like too moral women. The problems of some perfectionists can end in frustration if they don't stop in time in their pursuit of perfection:
- Loss of faith in yourself … Such mental discomfort begins to manifest itself in those ladies who doubt their mental abilities and external attractiveness. With a complex of excellent pupils, these manifestations can become even more pronounced factors that do not allow a woman to become happy.
- Phobias … Perfectionists are often plagued by various mental disorders. They have a fear of mirrors, where they are afraid to see any flaw in their appearance. In most cases, they also develop atychiphobia, in which the woman is afraid to make a mistake.
- Chronic pain syndrome … With the constant striving to become an ideal mother, wife and employee, it is real, instead of the expected result, to get a violation of the functions of the nervous system. Against the background of a failure of the psychoemotional sphere, pain syndrome is formed as an independent disease.
- Inability to become a mother … Some perfectionists go so deep into this issue that they begin to consider themselves unworthy to reproduce offspring.
- Rejection of other people's mistakes … Not allowing themselves to relax for a minute, women with a similar life position demand the same from other people. Few people will like such claims, which is why perfectionists often become spinsters without friends.
- Divorce … Not every man can be always perfect in the eyes of his wife. A demanding wife can only delight in the early stages of family life. In the future, the husband may simply get tired of the fact that they are trying to make a person out of him without a single flaw.
- Neurosis … Against the background of chronic fatigue with constant emotional stress, this pathology can develop. In the future, neurosis will become a chronic phenomenon that will need to be treated by a psychiatrist.
- Alcoholism … Experts say that being too demanding on yourself can provoke the development of this addiction. With systematic dissatisfaction with themselves, the hand of some ladies automatically reaches for a glass of alcohol.
- Suicide … Unjustified hopes hurt any person and lead him into a state of depression. At the same time, after a certain period of time, it is restored emotionally. For a perfectionist, the collapse of dreams sometimes becomes such a heavy blow that she decides to take her own life.
Important! The complex of excellent pupils in adults and children becomes a dangerous phenomenon if striving for the ideal turns into the meaning of a woman's life. In other cases, this is an additional incentive to become a self-sufficient person. How to get rid of the excellent pupil's complex - watch the video:
An excellent pupil's complex will not cause problems only to that girl or woman, whom it does not interfere with fully enjoying life. Otherwise, they are guaranteed emotional exhaustion, which will also affect their physical condition.
