The husband is a tyrant in the family, how to deal with his despotism, is it possible to live with him under the same roof? A tyrant husband is a person who behaves aggressively towards his wife and loved ones, when, due to his constant nagging, the harmony of family relations collapses, and life with him becomes a living hell.
The origins of family tyranny
Tyrants are not born, so where do they come from? The answer to this question must be sought in the personality of the one who is considered a despot. Our conversation will focus on the tyrant husband in the family, although it often happens that the first "despotic" violin in a relationship is played by a woman. It seems that until recently they were such a loving couple, well, you just can't spill water, and then suddenly after the wedding he became suspicious and picky about his half. And where did love go? The young wife cannot come to her senses and understand how it happened that the man whom she loved so dearly suddenly became a monster?
Psychologists view tyranny as a serious mental disorder - neurosis, which is often the result of an inferiority complex that developed in childhood. Let's say the boy was underestimated, and he so wanted to be noticed. The man grew up, got married, but this passion to stand out, to attract attention, remained. But what if he feels insecure among people?
Unrealized desire for the time being is deeply hidden in the soul and suddenly breaks through only in the family, unfolds here in all its "strength and power." So often a quiet and outwardly modest, decent young man becomes a tyrant in the family.
The main reasons for tyranny in the family
The origins of family tyranny lie in the psychological characteristics of the individual. The most common reasons why a husband often becomes a tyrant in the family are:
- Lust for power … He strives for total control and tries to regulate all aspects of life, when only he decides what and how to whom to do, how to behave. Let's say how a wife should dress when she needs to come home from work, what needs to be cooked. And attempts to resist such a dictate are suppressed by rude shouts and punishment. For example, a wife may be denied the purchase of a necessary thing, and the child, if he has not done the lesson on time, may not be allowed to walk with his peers.
- The pleasure of humiliating your loved ones … This is nothing more than a manifestation of an inferiority complex. If the boy was humiliated and insulted by his parents, did not allow him to fully realize his childhood fantasies under the pretext that "these are harmful inventions", all this remained deep in his soul and left its mark on his character. He is formed with low self-esteem and vindictive: "When I grow up, I will show you!.." And when his family appears, he subconsciously realizes his emotions suppressed in childhood on his wife and children. From such a person, none of those close to him will ever hear a kind word - neither in his own address, nor in his friends. And relatives, for example, wives, are all so-and-so, among them there is not a single good person. From such statements, seeing how loved ones suffer at the same time, the tyrant husband takes pleasure. This is already a serious mental disorder bordering on sadism.
- Jealousy … The property is natural, but if it goes beyond all permissible boundaries, when it becomes an all-consuming and all-consuming feeling, it turns into its opposite - tyranny. The husband follows literally every step and gaze of his wife, her manner of dressing and appearance. It all seems to him that she is cheating on him with another and for him is trying to look beautiful. This is already a clinic when a jealous person can literally be jealous of a telegraph pole.
- Beatings … An extreme manifestation of despotism, often associated with the use of alcoholic beverages. A person who is unsure of himself often tries to "untie" his loved ones with the help of his fists and show his strength. So he asserts his authority in the family. Life with such a monster becomes dangerous, and it is not uncommon for the assault of a monster husband to end sadly for his wife or children.
- Material dependence … When a wife depends on the financial situation of her husband, for example, she earns a little, is on maternity leave, or suddenly falls ill, the despotic husband begins to “pump up” his rights, that he supports her, without him she is nothing, and so on.
It's important to know! At the heart of family despotism, when the honor and dignity of the wife and children is humiliated, is moral immaturity, its causes lie in the inferiority complex that the tyrant husband suffers from childhood in the family.
Signs of a tyrant husband in the family
Signs of a future tyrant husband in the family may appear even before the wedding, for example, a guy does not listen to criticism, believes that only he is right in everything, this should already be alarming. In family life, one of the main factors of tyranny is the desire for leadership. There are many nuances, let's take a closer look:
- A high self-evaluation … Associated with an inferiority complex. Deep down, he considers himself to be the best, but this was not appreciated. Therefore, he does not accept a different point of view. He always thinks he is right.
- Feeling superior … The wife's opinion is always wrong. "You misunderstand!" So gradually her word is reduced to nothing insignificant, the woman feels her inferiority, she has a feeling of guilt, she becomes dependent on the judgments of her husband.
- It's hard to please … He evaluates all the actions of his half critically. Only he knows how good it should be.
- Negative reviews of others … Constant criticism of friends, acquaintances and relatives, not only of his wife, but also of his own. This can be called the desire to limit the circle of contacts in order to control all aspects of the life of a loved one.
- Only he is the main person in her life! The idea is suggested that without him she is nothing. This is done in passing by various jokes and insults, covered by the phrase "Yes, I love you!" This is how the wife's physical and psychological dependence is gradually formed.
- Avoids responsibility … Picky and arrogant in the family, but in public life does not show himself in any way, under any pretext he avoids serious duties.
- Alcohol (drug) abuse … They give him a sense of confidence for family showdowns.
- Gains satisfaction when taking anger out on loved ones … This is from an internal inferiority complex, as a child, parents tore off their irritation on him, now he, even unaccountably, "takes it out" on his family.
- Communication tone … He covers his inner weakness with a cry, speaks constantly in a raised voice.
- A zealous attitude towards the success of the wife … She strives to keep her half in tight hands, because her successes, if she works, stand in the throat, because, as he believes, they humiliate his dignity.
- The family budget is only in his hands … The desire for total control in the family extends to finances. Only he knows how much, on what and how to spend money.
It's important to know! When a woman begins to fear her man and tries to please him in everything, she falls into psychological dependence on him. This is the main sign of a tyrant husband in the family.
How to deal with a tyrant husband
How to live with a tyrant husband, if it so happened that he began to show despotic inclinations, and you cannot get away from him at all, for example, the children are very small, and he has good earnings? We need to try to change the situation. And here the most important thing is to defend your independence. Only on the basis of trusting and equal relationships can you keep a healthy family and not injure your psyche and your children.
How to behave with a tyrant husband - follow the tips that will help protect you from the unfair claims of your husband and, hopefully, will help him come to his senses:
- Try to be financially independent … Work or your own business will help you always have pocket money for personal expenses, so that you do not go to your husband for any reason. This is the guarantee of an independent position.
- Don't let your freedom be limited … There must be a circle of friends with whom you can communicate from time to time. Behave in such a way that your husband respects your friends and family.
- Don't please! Do as you see fit so that peace and order reign in the family. By no means go on about his whims.
- Show restraint! Do not respond to shouts and discontent with the same, try to behave evenly, with dignity. This will cool his temper and make him see you as a strong person.
- Stop any attempts to humiliate your dignity … If you uncomplainingly treat one time to swearing, all the more swearing, to other attempts to humiliate you as a woman, it will become a habit and become the norm of communication. This is a direct path to a disenfranchised position in the family.
- You need to live today! Don't hold on to the memory that "he was so good!" This is already in the past, but today it is how it happened. You need to proceed from what is, and try to rebuild your relationship.
- Don't be afraid to show that you want to leave … Love not only beautiful, women, strong in spirit, attract men. If you show that you can easily do without him and raise the children yourself, it can make him think again.
Confronting a tyrant husband is not easy, so you should know the helpline or other social service that can help in a difficult situation. Do not be left alone with your problem, the specialist will always give valuable advice that is so necessary.
How to get away from a tyrant husband
And if it is impossible to live with a tyrant husband under one roof? It is better to be the mistress of your own destiny than just to go with the flow, maybe it will nail to a good bank, although it will nail, as a rule, to a bad one.
Even in such a difficult situation, you can always find a way out. If you have already tried to fight for your relationship, your family, especially since you already have children, but everything turned out to be in vain, then you just need to pack your things, pick up the children and leave. And do not be afraid of his cries and threats that "you will die without me!" The radical option is divorce.
But before you get rid of your tyrant husband, you need to calculate your next steps. If possible, you need to return to your parents, although they will not always accept with delight the return of the "prodigal" daughter. Maybe friends or acquaintances will help with the apartment. If, for various reasons, it is not possible to find a separate housing, it is necessary to contact the special service responsible for the safety of such socially disadvantaged families. Important! The tyrant in the family is a serious problem that needs immediate resolution. If a woman resigned herself to her tyrant husband, it lies on her conscience, but what can expect children in such a family? They suffer, and as they mature, they will make others suffer. How to get rid of a tyrant husband - watch the video:
There are no hopeless situations, there is an inability to find a way out of them. You don't need to let your life take its course. Only a strong personality is able to control his own destiny. If you want to leave your tyrant husband, do it without looking at your past life with him. Your best years are yet to come!
