First love and the prerequisites for its emergence. The article will examine the reasons for the collapse of romantic illusions and ways to start a new life. First love is the brightest, most touching feeling that young people often have. They didn’t experience it unless they were completely cold at heart, who do not care about such nonsense, because real emotions are beyond their concept. In most cases, the test of one's strength in dealing with the opposite sex leaves an indelible mark on the soul of a person. The experience of such a plan does not always end with a happy ending, so you should understand the further line of behavior of the victim of the first relationship.
Prerequisites for the emergence of the first feeling
For the first time, the emotions that arise are sometimes so vivid that later it is difficult to forget them. The reasons for a sudden outbreak of interest in a member of the opposite sex can be the following factors:
- Transitional age … If you do not take into account the manifestation of sympathy of kids in kindergarten and fidgets in elementary school, then at an older age, real African passions begin to boil between adolescents. The hormonal background changes as they grow up, which can radically change the behavior of boys and girls. The vibes they begin to exchange are so palpable that it sometimes scares educators and parents alike.
- The principle of "be like everyone else" … This phenomenon is also called conformist reaction, which psychologists have studied in some detail. With her, people begin to perform certain actions only for the reason that it is so accepted. A person who has not previously experienced tender feelings for a representative of the opposite sex urgently organizes a feverish search for an object for passion. He does not want to be different from his acquaintances who have already formed their first love couples.
- Continuing friendly relations … Very often, feelings at first love arise after warm and trusting relationships between people. Friendship is, first of all, a community of interests and a desire to spend leisure time together. If a person is often close to a member of the opposite sex, then the habit of constant contact with him can lead to the described romantic feeling.
- Need for recognition … Sometimes the first love arises for people who somehow stand out in the immediate environment. It is very easy to feel sympathy for an idol and a leader, because such personalities have a strong charisma. Consequently, having achieved reciprocity from everyone's favorite, it is really possible to increase your own status at the expense of him.
Signs of first falling in love in people
Sometimes it is important for the person himself to understand for himself what is happening to him. Psychologists have identified the following symptoms that accompany the first-ever feeling:
- Constant thoughts about the object of passion … In this case, all friends and acquaintances fade into the background or are completely forgotten. A person plunges into the world of dreams, where there is no place for the ordinary with all its realities. An exceptionally liked person appears before my eyes, who is perfect in all respects.
- The desire to constantly be near … Sometimes this takes the form of an obsession, because the victim of first love obsessively pursues the adored object. Our feelings are not always mutual, so such an obsession can be annoying. With mutual sympathy, the voiced factor will delight and touch in the first phase of the relationship. But each individual should have a personal space with a natural desire to be for some time without the supervision of an ardent boyfriend or a girl in love gazing into the eyes.
- The desire to protect the person you like … If such an initiative arises, then this is direct evidence of the emerging interest of another person. At the same time, you want to cover the object of interest with your back, both physically and mentally. Potential offenders will have a hard time if the first love overtook a strong defender.
- Interest in another person's needs … We do not pay attention to the preferences of people who are indifferent to us. When love arises, a person changes, because the course of life of the person he likes is important to him. A very successful option is that in which the interests of the objects of the first relations coincide.
- Physiological reaction to the object of passion … Nothing changes in our body if we do not have tender feelings for another person. If he lit a spark of passion in us, then when we meet him, there is a tremor in the body and a rapid heartbeat. In some cases, poor fellows in love begin to blush and stutter, betraying themselves with similar behavior.
- Idealization of the love object … It is unlikely that anyone would want to idolize an insignificant person, because this is contrary to all logic. If the first serious feeling has come, then the chosen one definitely has some features that distinguish him from others. A person blinded by love for already existing virtues will come up with many more illusory character traits for his idol that will raise the chosen one to unthinkable heights.
- Phone and social media addiction … It is not difficult to identify the victim of the first passion, because she nervously glances at the intercom and waits for a call. If the signal is not received, she begins feverishly tossing the object she liked with sms. The entire profile of a person in love will be full of hearts, confessions of passion and love themed pictures.
Note! All of these signs do not in themselves pose a threat to another person. The exception is those cases when love turns into obsession and outright aggression.
The reasons for the collapse of the first love illusions
As life practice shows, a trial of a relationship rarely ends with something serious. The main reasons for getting out of love euphoria include the following factors:
- Long separation … There are rare cases when the voiced factor only strengthens the feeling. However, this is more a beautiful fairy tale than reality. Only the relationship when the couple has lived together for a long time and has children will not destroy the separation.
- Enlightenment … Pink glasses can interfere with seeing the true nature of the object of first love. Having put another person on a pedestal, you can bitterly regret it later. Over time, emotions tend to dull, which makes it possible to consider the ideal more carefully. In addition, some of the actions of the chosen one will appear after a certain period of time, bringing in most cases disappointment.
- End of romance … The first phase of a relationship is a wonderful time that cannot last forever. It is this period that feeds the love that has arisen, making it a colorful and unforgettable event. Then come the gray days that can kill passion and attraction. Exceptionally deep feelings can withstand such a test, but the first relationship is usually immature and vulnerable.
- Frequent conflicts … The described phenomenon can occur at any age, but most often it occurs during adolescence. Consequently, young people have no experience in relationships with the opposite sex. As a result, in the absence of the ability to compromise, the couple constantly scandals, destroying the first love that has arisen.
- Treason … Betrayal in this case can be both moral and physical. Rarely does anyone forgive such things, and the couple breaks up. In the case of forgiveness of the misconduct of the previous relationship and trust, it will definitely not be there anyway.
- Different views on life … Especially at a young age, this factor can alienate partners from each other. The reason for this is that mature people, when love arises, are able to adapt to each other. The younger generation is often intolerant in their conclusions and may be disappointed in the object of passion due to different hobbies.
- Excessive psychological pressure … In the foreground in this case, it is best to put such a phenomenon as a feeling of ownership and excessive jealousy. This is especially true for guys and girls who are most susceptible to such negative outbursts of emotions. Not trusting their first partner, they are ready to arrange a real spy on him. Few people will appreciate such heightened care that it will nullify even the most ardent feeling.
- Unrequited first love … Our emotions do not always find a counter feedback from the person we like. Very often, the attempt to build a relationship with the opposite sex ends in defeat, because the attracted object does not accept courtship. You can't be cute by force, so you shouldn't waste your energy on conquering an impregnable fortress.
Consequences of the first love failure
Any process has its own results, which are not always positive. Very often, an unhappy first love provokes the following dire consequences:
- A new relationship out of revenge … Kicking a wedge with a wedge is a wonderful expression, but not in this case. The victim of collapsed illusions may consider such actions to be the ideal way out of the situation. Some guys and girls are even ready to marry the first person they meet in order to annoy their first chosen one. As a result, the abuser will live happily, and the new family or couple is likely to break up after a while.
- Disappointment with the concept of "love" … Such an extreme very often overtakes people who have been betrayed by the object of their tender feelings. Such a denouement awaits those who have not received reciprocal feelings from the person they like. All this can lead to the formation of complexes and the denial of love altogether.
- Multiple sexual intercourse … It's time for adolescence - a time of trial and error. Young people learn to build relationships with the opposite sex, but everything should be within reason. In some cases, after the first bad experience in love, guys and girls begin to change their partners on a regular basis. Someone does this out of despair, while someone is simply simply sexually licentious and does not know the basics of sexual culture.
- Fear of new relationships … Once stepping on a rake, not everyone dares to repeat this heroic deed. Frustration in first love can bring real heartache to the affected side. Consequently, she will fear a repetition of the bitter experience she has received.
- Living by past relationships … Obsessing over the problem leads to just such a negative outcome. The mechanism of projection of the past onto the present turns on, which ultimately does not lead to anything good.
- Depression … Unwanted memories can develop voiced mental illness. A person who has failed in his first love is capable of losing interest in the world around him.
- Attempted suicide … This paradoxical method of solving the problem that has arisen can be both demonstrative and conscious. In this case, we should already talk about the help of a professional, because such an act is a clear deviation from the norm.
First love is a test with feelings and emotions that must be endured with dignity. Life is too good and full of pleasant new acquaintances to give up on your personal happiness.
How to quickly forget your first love
The decision has been made, and the person wants to get rid of painful memories. At the same time, many people wonder how to forget their first love. Nothing is impossible in the world, but you should be afraid of wrong actions when solving the problem that has arisen.
Inappropriate behavior after a breakup
To begin with, it's worth talking about what absolutely cannot be done when getting out of a voiced crisis situation:
- Revenge on the object of first love … It is not a fact that the opinion and feelings of a former partner are important to him at all. Violent activity on his part will, at the most, cause a smile on the side that has not suffered. Small dirty tricks, produced by the offended person, also will not produce the expected effect of an exploded bomb.
- Rapid new relationship … In a whirlpool with your head - an excellent solution for persons narrow-minded or frivolous. Such people are ready to create an alliance even with a monkey, but so quickly and preferably immediately. Who will benefit from this is a big question that may end in another fiasco.
- Pursuit of the object of passion … Starvation is a wonderful option, but usually ineffective. If you wish, you can sleep under the door of your ex-lover or ex-half, if in this case everyone is happy with everything. However, in this case, it is more realistic to earn a cold, and the object of passion will simply disappear through the balcony for a painless solution to the claims of the obsessive person.
- Pressure on pity … A trembling chin, a lonely tear on his sunken cheek and shaking hands are a powerful arsenal for returning the former feelings of a traitor. The main thing is to do this periodically, so that the object of passion begins to have a nervous tic, and he hates the sufferer with all the fibers of his soul.
- Suicide threat … A cleverly twisted noose, an elegant bottle of sleeping pills, a dull straight razor by the vein are also good at fighting for happiness. In this case, it is imperative to summon the offender to the arena of tragic events and read him an hour-long pretentious speech about the impossibility of living in the world without an object of passion. The former half will definitely try to escape, because they are not ready to return to the crazy fan.
- Storming the acquaintances of first love … It is necessary to guard them in all the unthinkable and most inaccessible places. In this case, a simple sob will not work, because you have to sob with crocodile tears. Ideally, it is recommended to fall on the chest of a dumbfounded mutual friend and demand world justice from him. If after this many people begin to avoid the generator of ideas, then this is an absurd accident, and not the fear of being caught by the sufferer.
- Keeping all means of communication with first love … The Internet is designed to set traps for ex-partners. Do not believe in the myth that the World Wide Web was created to obtain information. It is necessary to fill up the former soul mate with smiles and tearful verses about unhappy love. If the victim of the attack put the initiator in the block, then it is worth creating new accounts and again storming the page of your beloved.
Jokes as a joke, but all of the above should not be done in any case. This way you cannot return the former love, and you can definitely lose self-respect. If the relationship does not work out or the person you like does not reciprocate, then it is better to let him go and start life from scratch.
Productive Techniques for Removing Obsessive Memories
Psychologists have developed the following system that will help any sufferer to forget the bitter experience and start a new life:
- Getting rid of all provocateurs … You should not make an altar in the house out of things that will remind you of your unhappy first love. Letters, postcards, souvenirs must be hidden away, if the hand does not rise to throw it all away. Over time, the wounds will heal, so further examination of significant objects will not cause an attack of acute mental pain.
- Temporary seclusion … You do not need to immediately rush into the cycle of entertainment if the impressions of first love are still fresh. A certain period of time is simply necessary to put your thoughts and feelings in order. This will help doing what you love and putting in order the accumulated cases, which were postponed for later during a period of violent manifestation of feelings.
- A clear timeline for thoughts of first love … Psychologists recommend this clever trick, which usually works. You should make an installation for yourself every minute to think about lost feelings strictly from 8.00 to 10.00. Then you need to switch to other objects for attention until 17.00. The next segment until 19.00 is recommended to be given to the most beloved person in order to resume past experiences. After a certain period of time, the urge to recreate the past will subside, and then disappear altogether.
- Drawing up a diary of memories … This effective technique should also be voiced, which only initially seems ineffective. It is necessary to take a notebook and carefully describe all the stages of an unsuccessful first love. After analyzing this on paper, you need to destroy the notebook and subconscious memories along with it.
- Complete refusal to communicate … If the couple parted amicably and without mutual claims, then friendship between them is likely in the future. However, it may not last long, because often the first love arises not on the basis of common interests, but on attraction and curiosity. If there is a painful break in relations, then it is necessary to cut off all paths to return.
- Attending interesting events … After a short break, you can safely start a new life, which will soon be filled with vivid impressions. You should love yourself and give your soul an opportunity to patch up the wounds it has received.
Behavior when meeting first love many years later
Life is an unpredictable thing, so it can amaze us with an unexpected meeting with a former fan or idol. For many years, some people thought about the dilemma "I can't forget my first love, what to do and how to live?" It is difficult to advise in this case, but you should still listen to these recommendations, which are usually given by experts:
- Intimate talk … With first love, you can afford to drink a cup of coffee, while carefully studying the changes that have taken place in the life of the former object of passion. There is a high probability that what you hear will be very disappointing, because people change and not always for the better. In addition, a once attractive burning brunette or a spectacular blonde could turn into a balding man burdened with excess weight, or a lady of immense size with thoughts only about diapers and new dishes.
- Rejection of idealization … The time of rose-colored glasses has passed irrevocably, because people tend to acquire life experience. If the relationship in the past did not reach the long-awaited happy ending, then there was a good reason for this. It is necessary to understand for yourself that the first bitter disappointment in a person can be repeated. Is it worth trying again if all the facts warn otherwise.
- Clear perspective analysis … In this case, it is worth separating the former couple, who have already become free from bonds at the time of the meeting, and family people. Breaking is not building, so the updated version in the form of a reboot is very dangerous for a person who is not free. If both former lovers are single, then you should also think about how the renewed relationship can end.
How to forget your first love - watch the video:
First love is a feeling that often leaves a noticeable mark on a person's soul. Trial relationships with the opposite sex do not always end with the creation of a family and the birth of children. Therefore, you need to take a sensible approach to this issue in order to turn this problem not into a depression, but into a feeling of mild nostalgia for the past. Not everyone manages to survive that thrill of the soul, exciting moments of expectation and the joy of meetings. So let them remain a bright moment from youthful life, and not give soreness for the rest.
